When all else fails....

I cannot say that i have lived an uneventful life and for what it is worth I am still sitting here putting the pieces together to make sense out all that is non sensible. All the lies and the facade that i have created along the way, all the trials and errors that i have tried upon myself and others, I am now trying to resolve and re- conciliate within so as to find some recompense towards all the errors I have allowed to occur throughout my life. Such is karma, even if you do not believe in it, it still is in motion as a reminder of the faults I have and those that needs to be accounted for before I pass on.  This is in essence, what unburdening or letting go is all about now that I am facing the final curtain as the show winds down to its end. 
I don't even know where to begin as my life has been so filled with self manufacture dramas, as my daughter once pointed out, that I am at a loss when it comes to choosing the worse of scenarios. Deep rooted Karma, born from beginning-less time, through  body speech and mind, where do I begin? Do I really need to? Is it so crucial that i keep digging into the worm holes to uncover all my past errors?  Perhaps it is as according to some ancient wisdom at least for those who seek liberation from this realm of existence, which  really is not too dad if you know how to maneuver the terrains of this landscape we call life. But, it is still suffering none the less, like what Gautama saw in his time and set out to remedy the situation for himself. The fruit of His labor is what Buddhism is all about, just a Way to step out of this circle of Life, Death and Rebirth. To stop and refuse top lay this game of life. Refuse to submit to rules and dogmas that is mind created by those who seek to control, to refuse to submit to the ignorance of the fact that we exist in a world of make believe no matter how real it may seem to be. 
Although a long time ago I had come to a realization that this existence is all a mind created stuff to occupy itself from the lack of  activity if not insanity itself, it is still a factor that as an entity it holds sway to all that is, will and has happened to me in the course of my lifetime. In seeking to grapple with this demon I call my mind or to be more specific, my ego, I have set about keeping this ongoing journal, it has become my outlet for expressing all my hidden thoughts conscious or otherwise. Nothing else matters that much other than the fact that I have to exist among other sentient beings and have had a strong connection with some to which I hold a sense of bond between us to help each other in finding our way into the light or enlightenment. In my small effort to unravel my own so called mysteries of life, I hope to shed some light along the way for those who stumble upon my discourse on the matter. This journal is for those who consciousness has led them to click into my blog by chance or accident and for those who like me are in their own way looking for answers, more than what it seems as the mind would have us accept.
" I am not the body, Nor am I the mind," this is the mantra I keep reminding myself with whenever I fall upon my face due to some misjudgment or wrong assumptions. My body and my mind are tools for my presence here in this physical realm and as such they are a part of me but not who I am. Just as i am employing this computer to transmit this message, I am at the same time employing both my body and mind to attain this. If either body or mind fails to function accordingly, this message would not be transmitted with its full intention being transmitted. Mind and body has to become one synchronized tool in order to perform in optimal. When there is perfect balance between the two physical as well as mental forces, the action performed is spontaneous and there is credibility as well as originality that comes from within; just like a beautiful piece of music, it mesmerizes.
I may not be able to recount much less undo all my transgressions of the past, but I sure can at the very least learn not to repeat them and avoid making the same error now and into the future. As the curtain is slowly descending I will make all effort not to fall off from the Grace and this glimpse of enlightenment that i have been accorded by being unmindful or negligent in making my choices. If i have to keep this mind from being restless and mischievous, I will try to tie it to making itself useful in making this Blog entry.