The wailing of the broken heart is the Doorway to God.

Tired, the feeling of disillusion, physical aches and pains form different parts of the body is making my life very discomforting at the moment. I am going to take a closer look at what the root causes are and do some mental and spiritual housekeeping. The aches in my knee and lower back is caused by the extraneous physical activity I had done while at the organic farm a week or so ago, it is telling me that i am no more as young and strong as I used to.  Heart burn and indigestion is happening more frequently of late from gastritis which I have and often caused by the wrong kind of meals like spicy food. I have high blood pressure as evidenced by my medical checkup not too long ago, hence the migraine headaches especially after consuming some extra salt containing meals or being aggravated by an elderly Chinese lady at a supermarket cashier.  Driving around Georgetown itself can raise your blood pressure and it is an accepted fact among most.
The only time when there is some quiet moments in ans around the house is past midnight, the restaurant and catering business keeps the place in perpetual chaos the rest of the day beginning from dawn till the late evening.  The shouts from my cousin who owns the business to his Bangladesh and Indonesian workers is no less toxic to the ears. There is no escape from the flow of traffic as the main road passes right in front of the house. 
Then there the family and relative drama that one has to deal with on a daily basis as each character has his or her own ax to grind or questions about who or what the hell I am all about still baffles their understanding. There seems to be more control freaks trying to pin you down every chance they get and your failures is more or a merit to them than any success you have accomplished. I am living outside of the grid and it is somewhat unacceptable or so it seems.
Off course all these are my own mind projecting and manufacturing phenomena that it keeps itself occupied with out of shear ignorance and leading on to decadence and despair. The mind I find has become more and more aggressive in perpetuating thoughts that destroys any form of positive consciousness that one tries to promote or bring forth from within. The mind has the tendency to block any form of creativity if and when it is allowed to without any restrain. Meditation helps to some degree but the mental projection that is bound and determined to obstruct one's creative energy sometimes manifest itself in the form of negative forms (individuals) that triggers external vexations like someone popping out of nowhere and setting off more thoughts relating to that individual.
As my writing is a proof to my mixed up mind about my status lately, I find solace in listening to great minds telling me of what is the root causes to my predicament. I have forgotten to be in the presence for one thing as i listened to Ekhart Tolle on You Tube. I am trapped as often in my own self delusion allowing the externals to take advantage of my state of being. I am out of touch with my spiritual self allowing for the material vexations to occupy my perceptions of who I am. "A Gift of Love" is a video that inspired and uplifted my spirit in the wee hours of the morning after having written what i had at the beginning of this entry. Call it a saving Grace from the Divine, it was for me.
Contd.