I have the feeling that my mind has arrived at an exhausting slowdown and hopefully to the final shutdown; i am finding it hard to write anymore. It is not that there is no more pearls of wisdom running through my head, there's an increasingly more activity as I am starting to see through the my self created, self manifested, self indulged mental formations being played out before me more transparently than ever before. First, some back ground music from You Tube; "Ten Beautiful Songs," random choice. headphones on, the outside world is less intrusive now. Welcome to my realm of the inner being where it all is generated from and manifest through my fingers on to this keyboard - Good Morning!
Had to send my son to work this morning as it was raining and had been almost all night long for as long as i also sat on my bed in meditation listening to the rhythm of the falling rain and the thought that came interestingly enough was, how I would miss all these when i am dead. As i sat cross legged wrapped up in my blanket, I looked down to the main road below where in the daytime the traffic would be endless and all the noise that would accompany the chaos. There was hardly a vehicle in the wee hours of the morning especially when it was pouring cats and dogs and the only noise was the roar of buckets of water hitting the zinc roof of the restaurant below; OMMM!
The events that took place all day yesterday passes through my mental vision and each and everyone being scanned for the how where and whys and the more pertinent being taken a step further for analyzing on a deeper level; this is what happens as I sit daily, like it or not, it is how my mind works. I used to try to push aside these episodes from arising in the past thinking that they were a wste of my time and no what meditation was all about. Then I came to accept that this is actually what it is all about or at least part of the process of sifting and discarding unwanted or inconsequential thoughts, like deleting irrelevant data from the computer memory bank to make for more spaces or faster functioning of the drive. I find that as i sat contemplating all these events which mostly arises on their own or due to related thoughts, I slowly drift towards a more calm and tranquil state of mind, like getting lighter and lighter in my head till there is silence effortlessly arrived at, like the mind got bored and tired and just gave up.
I find that this sense of surrendering and acceptance of what had transpired in my daily activity right or wrong has become an essential routine in arriving at my inner space which is then taken over to the next level of consciousness. This level involves the closer connection between the physical and the mental state whereby the mind takes over the body in making certain moves as in a healing process or alignment process. I simply am the watcher of this motions as the body does all it Yogic exercises usually beginning with the facial stretching action whereby I would become like an animal yawning and stretching its jaw and grinning from side to side or jutting out my tongue till it hurts and staring my eyes as wide as they would allow and so forth. Then this would shift the neck area where a very slow and meditative roll of the head would begin stretching all the neck muscles from side to another until the muscles from my neck and shoulder areas become a burning sensation and gradually subside into gentle equilibrium. Then the shoulders and hands begin their routine leading eventually to the waist bending and stretching and so forth. All these happening like at three in the morning.
I sleep well after and usually wake up late in the morning when the restaurant below is running in full swing and the traffic has picked up in its volume. This morning i woke up because my son needed a ride to work which worked out fine time wise and so forth; it all worked out you will find, if you surrender and accept what is as it is instead trying to make plans and manipulate events to fit your schedule. Allowing for my mind and body to assume their own rhythm and momentum in taking on life I find it has become a whole less tedious if not overbearing and I am able to do more than I would normally anticipate., like making this entry now. I had started with not knowing what else to write about and here i am writing a whole chapter on how to and what i cannot do at this time and age in my life, while listening to Yiruma's greatest hits on You Tube; this i will miss when I am dead!; the sound of great music.