Rambbling on about my Faith.

Why the need to have faith in a higher order in my life? I have been asking this of myself for as long as i can remember and most of my life has been spent digging deeper and deeper into the question of Faith so much so that at one time i wrote in one of  my sketch books, " I have faith in so much faith in others that i stop having faith in myself." That was when I started asking me, who am I? What is this that is calling itself 'I'? Through the years of my spiritual journey I have been making relentless effort into getting to know this entity that identifies itself as'I', that from which all my communications stems from. At the risk of repeating like a parrot of what contemporary Gurus such as Mooji or Sad Guru Dev, whose talks has become my regular pursuit, I can safely say that I have come upon my own conclusion as to who or what I am and they merely confirm my realizations although still yet to be perfected; I am far from a fully awakened being and i have my days just like every one else.
Most of my young adult life was spent in feeding my selfish egoistic needs and i  can safely say that i had sometimes gone way over board in letting my self centered ego has its ways especially while living in the United States. My Bohemian life style knew no bounds; i was, as one of my closest friends said, incorrigible. I felt my head spun around when I fell very sick while living in Corte Madeira, Marin County California; I thought I was having a serious heart attack. I have written this somewhere in my Blog entries. It was from this moment on that I became seriously awakened to discover who I am and what my life was all about beyond money, women, booze and drugs. I entered the life of a Zen Buddhist practice at Green Gulch, Green Dragon Zen Center. It was here that I seriously began my spiritual journey to find out more about what life has in store for or closer yet why I was born in the first place.
I took my practice very seriously often having conflicts within for having been converted to Islam in my teen years which by right prohibits me from taking another faith as my spiritual belief. I justified myself from this by accepting the fact God would have wanted me to find out for myself rather than follow blindly what my mother or elder brother had to offer me as who I am; a Muslim. I shelved Islam for a span of time and focused on other religions and philosophies seeking better understanding, intellectually as well as spiritually the truth to this question.
I did not find solace in reading the Qur'an, well its translation as i have no Arabic background. I found the Qur'an to be harsh in propagating punishments more so than about Love and Compassion and the stories in it were mostly about the lives of Prophets who for the most full of flaws in their own lives. This was when i was an angry young man who blamed the religion for my misgivings growing up among my Muslim brothers and sisters; I should have remained a Buddhist instead. The Lord as the saying goes works in mysterious ways, and today I find my way back into the religion of my grandmother through my own volition and understanding and never out of fear of being stoned by the so called believers. I still have my doubts in Muslims however, I am far from convince of their true faith in the teachings as most i experience are more hypocrites than the non-Muslims I have come to know. As far as the Muslims goes Islam has become one of the most corrupted and weak religion that is evident by what is happening to Muslim countries all over the world.
No time in her history has Islam been brought down to its lowest state of affairs and more Muslims suffering at the hands or their own fellow man. Greed, Hate and Ignorance has become prevalent and the teachings of the prophet of Allah has become a mockery. Muslim leaders have become puppets to Western Rule while the Ummah takes pride in empty words recited in flowery  sing song form the Holy Book but the action among most Muslims does not reflect the understanding of the text. Sectarian conflict alone is enough to make Islam a diseased Religion while cultural and tribal ignorance has made a mockery out of the faith. But i have embraced the religion with all determination that it will all one day be brought to fruition when the All Mighty decides to take charge before it all comes to pieces beyond repair. Will there ever be a Muslim leader in the near future bold and wise enough to take the bull by the horns and direct the fate of mankind towards Peace and Harmony? Thus far, not a soul in sight. 
Peace is Islam today is only found in the greeting of one Muslim to another, Asalamuallaikum! Peace be unto you. Muslims should add to this with the saying 'and me'. Muslims today i find are the most uof on-peacefull  people on earth. They assume and believe they are but most are not, most are at war within themselves. They are not at peace within and if one doubt this say something negative about the religion and you will find you have a war on your hand. Muslims have little tolerance when it comes to the religion being criticized or ridiculed, it becomes personal and demands retribution almost instantly and by this act alone most Muslims believe they are fighting for God. Muslims lack the patience and perseverance in the face of confrontation simply because within themselves they lack the true substance of peace. Jesus is said to have said that if they slap you on your right cheek offer them your left, and Jesus was considered a Muslim Prophet in Islam. What does he meant?
When there is peace in every Muslim heart as the Qur'an has instructed Islam will not be a 'Terrorist Religion'. When each and every Muslim understands the nature of 'Patience' in his mind, there will be peace in the Muslim world, if there is Peace within, only then can there be Peace without. This peace within will only come through inner reflections of one self and not from without through fiery sermons from the pulpit in mosques or prating five times a day to fulfill an obligation to God; each and every Muslim has to realize peace within himself. Hence each and every Muslim must look within and come to his or her own conclusion as to who or what he or she is in the eyes of his Maker. He who knows himself, knows his Maker quoted the Prophet or Allah. To call oneself a true Muslim takes more than just being able to perform all the obligations set down by the Book but it is also to come to realize one's true nature that is paramount in Islam. Islam is found within each and every man for Allah resides within not out there somewhere.  
When I sit I am praying with every breath I take in and out the Name of Allah, just as the Hindu call out to Lord Shiva or the Buddhist to Buddha and the Christians to God. This is my expression of faith for my Lord, lest my ego thinks otherwise. 





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