Dreaming up my next Journey.

So exactly what is it that i am trying to prove to myself or to the world for that mater? What am I contributing doing or being what i am? Am I getting anywhere near as to how or why i am the way that i have envisioned my self to be in my old age or have i squandered all my efforts and resistance for just 'a pocket full of marbles?" I too aspire to become a 'Ram Dass' or the servant of God' and I too had desired to humble myself and my services to human kind in some small way but am I really making any significant difference, or am I just kidding myself? After all these years and myriads of good and bad experiences i am still questioning myself these most basic and fundamental of all questions like it matters anymore.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in one of his talks said, " ...Anyone who has knowledge, he just can't feel rested until he has given it out... motivated by this tendency of giving out knowledge I came out of the Himalayas" What Transcendental Meditation has done in the West ever since it was introduced to the Western Mindset was phenomenon as hundreds and thousand of practitioners evolved into greater being as a result from its practice. One small Indian man (like Mahatma Gandhi), again practically changed the whole human psyche with TM wherever it was touched and had left an indelible impact upon the western society as well as the Far East leading the masses into  anew age of spiritual advancement in the form of Science of Creative Intelligence. One of the major impediments towards achieving a state of spiritual attainment in humans is the fact that eat the wrong kind of food, 'contaminated food' grown with chemical and often poisonous fertilizers, in purifying our minds it is necessary to eat organically grown food as much as possible which is why I make every attempt to be involved with an organic farm activity. I believe in the fact that we are what we eat, well, at least physically if not spiritually speaking.
So what is it that after all these years i am still dragging my foot about? Is there some great happening or awakening in the near future that will rip apart this pseudo existence that i am trapped in or is this all there is is to it; the'Summit of the Mystique Mountain as the wise Rev. Edward Espe Brown used to say at Zen Center in San Francisco..What more is there that can be scaled what knowledge is there that is hidden from view that can liberate this way seeking mind into action? I think it is time to make my journey to Mekah and do my Umrah if not the Haj itself! It will be  a challenge worthy of my age and circumstances. Perhaps a journey by land from Malaysia to India to Pakistan and the rest of it. What a glorious trip it would make for a closing chapter of this ramblngs...The Journey to the Lord of Power! Wow! The Holy Prophet (Pbuh) would have loved this!
One can dream! After all that was how it all began and ever since i dreamed of my life as being on the road to find out I have been living this dream often times in the form of nightmares but still it is an on going dream and it would end perhaps when i finally wake up! So, time to bring out the Buddha Bowl and do some begging for sponsorship to get me through several countries to my destination,; The Holy Land of Mekah and Madinah, the Buddha's final destination! Any takers out there? Just checking, no harm in dreaming within a dream is there?