Fish Tales.

When you are fishing you face the sea or the river or the lake where you are fishing and it gives you a sense of expanse.of space that allows for the mind to feel open and free. The fishing part allows for you to sit for as long as you wish without any draw of attention to what in heaven's name you are doing there. All anyone sees is that you are fishing

When in doubt, go fishing.
They say that when you sit and wait for the fish to take a bite there is a whole lot of thoughts that can be digested  as fishing like drawing or sketching is a form of meditation. I always like to go fishing even if i do not catch nay, it is most connected feeling that i have with what is around me and the hook, line and sinker acts as a reminder of my connectedness to the whole. I am no regular fisherman but i carry a rod in my car just in case.
"Anything that is worth doing is worth doing badly until you got it right." -

Knowledge.
Talent
Faith
KEEP YOUR COMMITMENT TO YOUR COMMITMENT!
lES bROWN.

What is my commitment to life thus far? I don't even have nay clue anymore, try as hard as  I may I cannot make any more sense out of my life, of where i am headed or why. I am writing this entry while in between breaks of doing the dishes downstairs in the restaurant and I am doing the dishes voluntarily just because i have my free meals down there, not that i need to as i can more than afford a meal in the morning somewhere else if i care to drive. But this is where i am at sitting in the dark typing because my son is sleeping next to the PC table. Do I enjoy being where I am at?, Cannot say that I love it but it is somewhere i have created for myself to be and not forced to by someone else. I can go down and continue to do the dishes or simply take off to the University and work my blog entry while also prepare for my upcoming English tuition classes which I will be offering beginning next year. The choice is still mine and i am happy to fulfill whatever else obligation that is in my way, like doing the laundry and cleaning the rooms both my son's and mine..Not a big all time achievement for one who has gone globe trotting and has children scattered all over the planet but it is what it is and Such Is.
What am I not doing? I am not sleeping under the viaduct drunk or stoned to the brain nor am I neglecting my duties to God. I am not hankering for more than I care to have or need to and for this I only have a few bills to pay at the end of the month. I have my loans for myself and my daughter's education. and the rest is just the day to day needs. Hence what is my commitment For now it all may sound pretty much lame and an  unexciting way to grow old, but it is what it is.
I could have gone gone tap dancing in the floods volunteering my services in the flood relief  efforts like I had planned to initially a month back, but my car was in no mood to cooperate and financially it was not feasible. I had to scrap the idea and now it is too late the floods has taken its toll and roads are mostly inaccessible.  However now I have made a commitment to give tuition lessons to a small group of school kids and I hope I have not mad another error of judgement as to whether i am committed or not to life. The problem I find with making commitment I find is that it has to be a two way thing. The one who makes the commitment and the one who it is made to has to be in sync, right hand left hand in order fo it to work efficiently or make a sound. I have made too many commitment that has ended up with failures due to the lack of appreciation or even understanding of what my efforts were made towards at the end of the day. The only commitment worth making is one to myself.
As the year is winding down for 2014  and as I look back at where or what my life has taken me I feel like I am growing old at last. I find myself caring lesser and lesser on many aspects of life and mostly of how it affects me in particular. The few things that seems to matter of late is my health, like what I eat and how i shit and my spiritual practice on whether i pray hard enough or really am still hard when it comes to praying. Yes, i am becoming more and more concern with my afterlife for i know i have sinned big time, most of my life. As far as people goes the real people I find that matters to me are children especially my own grandnephews and nieces who i find gives me more real time pleasure than all the adults in my life put together for now. I feel less attracted to fast talkers and smooth operators and am seeing through more and more of those out to sell their wares to the highest bidders. In short i am getting old and tired of the 'game' that people play in order to be more than who they truly are; I have become a skeptic.

It's Raining , It's Pouring...Old man is snoring...

So, Mother Nature is taking her toll with rain and floods and landslides and all that comes with it just about all over the country and it is just the beginning as i see it. Just when you thought that the Cameron High;lands landscape fiasco was taken care of, with the coming of the Monsoon season, more and more parts of the country is facing natural disaster like never seen before.
The water level in Sungai Tembeling hit 76.56m, surpassing its danger level of 68m. – The Malaysian Insider pic, December 24, 2014. - See more at: http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/more-than-100-tourists-trapped-in-taman-negara-bernama#sthash.nh1lwN9H.dpuf
In Kelantan, 20,709 victims from 6,795 families in eight districts were evacuated compared to 20,468 people Tuesday morning, while the number of flood relief centres increased to 84 from 70. - Opposition leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim wants Putrajaya to approve disaster‎ relief funds to Kelantan and Terengganu, in the wake of the floods that have devastated the two states. - "There is no doubt that global climate change, as well as the rainy season are among the factors that have caused these extraordinary floods," added Anwar.‎ - See more at: http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/provide-disaster-relief-funds-to-terengganu-kelantan-anwar-tells-putrajaya#sthash.2CuMjINP.dpuf

Meteorological Department National Weather Centre senior meteorological officer Mohd Hisham Mohd Anip said the flood situations worsened with the presence of northeast monsoon winds blowing consistently across the South China Sea to Malaysia starting November until March.

“Although rainfall is no longer heavy, flood waters do not seem to recede due to the full moon phenomenon as it causes higher tides than normal. Besides that, previously incessant rainfall caused water from the upstream to not reach the confluence and resulted in overflowing rivers,” he said when contacted by Bernama yesterday.
Off course like all else even natural disasters has its political, religious connotations for in Malaysia nothing escapes these two factors. Politically just about everyone else in the country is wondering why there has not been any declaration of National Emergencies with regards to the disasters except for those the government. The opposition leaders are crying foul over the whole manner in which the ruling government is handling the whole situation, like perhaps they are waiting for the Kenyir Dam in the East Coast State of Terengganu to break loose Religiously speaking the PAS leaders are declaring that it is Allah's ways of punishment because the Hudud laws has nor been established in the state if not the whole country.I realized that these are boring issues for the readers on this blog is most of it concerns the inner workings of this country and its people which includes myself. I simply cannot sit and watch the whole scenario being manifested before me and make believe that nothing is happening worth taking note of even as the country is slowly tearing off at the seams.
This country is sinking slowly but surely and it is not just because of the monsoon rains, this country is being eaten alive by cancerous viruses in the form of Greed, Hate and Ignorance of the first degree and what makes it worse, the people are living in denial, making it as though it will all wash away as soon as the monsoon is gone. This by far is one of the most corrupted country in th world and the rich knows not when enough is enough and the poor will never see anywhere near enough. Foreigners who work here fron third world countries are some of them far more richer than the unemployed locals; what is wrong with this picture? The Malays according to the former Prime Minister Tun Mahathir, are no better than slaves in their own country; he should know, he ran the country for 22 years/ The Chinese are finding fault at every corner and with every mistake made by the ruling party, it is an open season for political and religious backlash. Today it is not the dragon that is being woken up but spirit the Panda which is being brought in from China as a symbolic icon for invasion by population. Disguised as a friendly and cuddly bear rather than the aggressive dragon, the Chinese will dominate this country by the flood of economy and population expansion and yes, the prospect of the Malays becoming drivers and gardeners for them almost seem inevitable.
Call it Karnic consequences or divine wrath but the natural disasters taking place in and around the country is no doubt and indication of HOW SICK THE NATION HAS BECOME ! ( Twice mistyped, soo). The environment has suffered human abuse fir too long and must critical is the silting of rivers due to deforestation. The ancient botanically rich Malaysian rain forest has be raped and plundered by just about every logging companies that has the means to do so for years until there is not a jungle that can sill be considered virgin due to one kind of invasion or another for economic reasons which has 'Greed as its impetus and corruption as its bed fellow.The rise in numbers of plantations and habitats for so called low cost housing is slowly claiming more and more land from the areas that once was thick forest filled with wild life, but now most of the wild life has practically disappeared into the deepest interior to escape the noise and pollution that comes with so called development. Enough said has this is the same scenario everywhere else in the world; man against nature. For those of us who do not have to worry about being displaced and lodged into a temporary relief center let us pray for those less fortunate and watch the TV, the PM is in Hawaii playing golf with the President of the United States; let us hope he lost the game it would be better for us.We will need some aids soon enough with all that is going on here at home.

Where are we headed?

I sat up most of the night praying and doing my Zikhr and meditation, why?, simply because i could not fall asleep try as hard as i could. And so i did the 'Tahajud' or the night prayer non obligatory but carries much weight none the less if one is looking for points to gain in terms of getting in the good side of your Maker. Am I becoming religious? Perhaps I am and none too soon if I might add as it is about time that something makes sense in my spiritual practice. As i have mentioned many times before, I am not out to find converts to Islam with my blogging, far be it that i should drag anyone with less understanding that I have of faith and religions into something as strict and often rigid as the religion of Islam, a religion that has become the accused of the international community for being the bedrock of violence and terrorism. No if you by now sense that you are being taken for a ride after having followed this blog for so long, thinking that I have an agenda to lead into having faith in this religion, it is time to find a new blog to entertain yourself with better stories. I have to proceed from here on observing what is for me ahead as I am no longer at the age where i can say i have time on my hand to answer the issues of the after- life, and yes, I am a believer in the fact that I have to answer for deeds in this life when I die, at least my consciousness will have to.
But if you are also seeking for answers towards ll the questions that I have been grappling with throughout this blogging, then let us together move into the unknown and see what lies in the depth our own subconscious minds about matters that only this heart can find for itself. As the saying goes, 'The heart is a lonely hunter', but if to find out the truth for oneself is the very reason of one's existence, then let us proceed along this path with caution and determination, take no answers for granted and become enlightened into knowing who you truly are in the scheme of things or how you fit in other than the fact that you are a lawyer or a doctor or an artist or an engineer or the fact that you are an American or an Indian, a Chinese or a Porto Rican. Beyond the fact that you are Muslim or a Christian, a Bahai or a Zen Buddhist, for all these are merely your coat of arms, your uniforms, your race and religions, your personalities and none of which is truly, wholesomely who you truly are; none of these are permanent. They are all subject to change, they are what you have been conditioned with in order that you may fit into the whole, the unified field of infinite possibilities.
Every man, woman and child has a role to play just as every microbe and dinosaurs had theirs in this universe but man is the only creature that has the capabilities to think 'out of the whole (box) and create for himself a whole universe if he chooses to, it is within his consciousness if he so desires and has awakened to it. The powers of the human consciousness is still being studied in its infancy stage by scientists and mystique alike all over the world.
I am sure there will come a day when man will eventually figure out the whole jig saw puzzle of this that we call our existence and how we are all interconnected to one another beings and materials alike, but till then, the likes of Hitler and Atilla, Idi Amin and Mao, to name a few great men of history that today would include Netanyahu will have some reckoning to do with That Which really runs the 'Whole' show. if one had any doubt about the'That' before, it is now indubitable simply because 'Humanity Itself for what it is worth have 'Willed it so'. This is the power of Collective Consciousness, it is the Unified Field of Quantum Physics Itself. From the man kneeling in the desert of the Gaza to the man sitting in the Zendo in Kyoto, from the man raising his eyes to the heavens in the Gila mountains in New Mexico to the those pilgrims rotating by the millions the Ka'Bah in Mekah, all these minds set out consciousness into the Universe and throughout the ages this has been practiced and has kept the survival of the Homo Sapiens from being sucked into oblivion by ignorance, this is the power that has been Willed and it is called 'God', by some and Allah by others and Yaweh and Elohim and Brahman and even some claims it to be called the Buddha. However by whatever name you may call it, rest assured that It is the power that Be as is said in the Qur'an, Kun Faya Kun! Be and It Is!
Today more than at any time in history, the human race is under attack from all sides and every angle seen ans unseen, heard and unheard and there is so much suffering around the globe that man has become comfortably numb to its presence; we are living in abject denial. But there is still a light at the end of this dark tunnel that we are crawling into, there is a chance that we will see the end of it in a more positive nature as there more and more of us awakening from our stupor and lackadaisical slumber. Human intelligence is getting more and more humane in its analysis of the whole human predicament and are becoming wiser to the cause and effect of our trials and tribulations. Mankind is acknowledging the fact that there are those who are unscrupulous in their desires to commit attrocities in the effort to garner power for the few to rule the many. These are the forces of evil, the dark nature of humanity the dross of the human equation that is out to destroy the planet if they cannot gain total control of it and they are the 'Gods or War and Famine".The merchant of violence and decadence, the Anti-Christ, the Dajal and the Mara, however no matter how evil they may appear , in principal they too are the creations of our Collective consciousness, of God, of Allah, etc. As such they cannot do absolute damage unless they are given the mandate to do so by you and me.

"The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so simple and so obvious, and yet everybody rushes around in a great panic, as if it was necessary to achieve something  Beyond themselves."
                                                                                                        Alan Watts, You Are It.-  You Tube.

The Rambling Mind.

A New Day and New beginning, of many new days and beginnings, and where am I  at? What have I learned or who have I become? Am I nearer or further than intentions, my goals, my dreams, how far or how near am I to the realization of my divine consciousness or is there even such a notion anymore? Am I just another lost soul making attempts to reach the other shore but not being able to cut away my anchor, my ties to the one i am on, my attachments, my clinging, my hopes and desires? Yes at this early hour in the morning on this what could be another beautiful Sunday I am sitting here letting out my thoughts as they arise from the depths of my restful mind, a mind that had been stirring pots of spicy curry for the catering business downstairs and the body that had dried up from the sweating as the result. A mind that had performed its 'Fajr solat' or the dawn prayer and felt the nearness to its Maker as not so often felt, a mind that sat on the toilet bowl contemplating the status of where i am at this morning. How do I set set myself free?!
The question behind all these questions is still, 'Who wants to know?' Who is asking? Who is going through this whole experiences at this early hours in the day? Have it all been one long wasteful trip from one state of nothingness to another state of emptiness, one emotion to another , one accomplishment to another without any rhyme or reason but just to fill up empty spaces and time and to live out an allotted period of existence as preordained by the All Mighty, the Cosmic Consciousness Itself as It projects its own will upon this realm of time and space continuum? Or is there some higher order to it all to be fulfilled by this entity that asking these questions ever since it was incepted from beginning- less time  Is the amoeba that first crawled out of the waters of primordial consciousness still in existence after having split itself to become the rest of life itself? Dumb thoughts and a waste of energy in futile pursuit of emptiness in the realm of the void itself one may say. mind juggling, the onset of insanity, a prelude to decadence of mind and consciousness itself. or sheer awakening of what has been dormant for ages, or the death of an ego.
Whatever it may be, this that is calling itself 'I', 'me' and 'mine' is feeling the winds of change, of transmutation, of evolution from one state into the next albeit higher or lower yet to be experienced. Yesterday while attending a wedding which was held in the compounds of a 'Surau' or a small mosque, a funeral service was also held at the 'surau'  and I joined in the Asar or evening prayer and the special prayer for the dead. How blessed the man who died as there were so many who sent him off in the little mosque of which I was told he was the caretaker of the 'Khatib'. Mny who prayed were strangers to the deceased and were there to celebrate a wedding, by Allah's Will, perhaps his wish for a memorable send off was fulfilled. So what is your take on death and the after life? Have you given up on the answers? How fortunate for you perhaps it is the best way to be as is said, ignorance is bliss. You whp believe in the sanctimony of a wedding ceremony but blinded to the sacredness of honoring death and the afterlife.
Ah, but I still have all the time ahead of me for all that as i intend to live a long and healthy life, you say to yourself, what is missing a prayer or two or what difference does it make for so long as i live a good life and hurt no one, by all counts I should be accorded a better chance of prospering in my life after death too; it is the law of humanity, the law of Karma, like do unto others and so forth. "Amal Ma'ruf, nahi mungkar," do good, abstain from evil deeds is all it takes for your ticket to a good afterlife, is it? What has having faith got to do with it? Someone once said that falling asleep is a great act of faith, you don't know if you will wake up. ( I added the later part.) So what happens if you never wake up from your sleep? Will you keep on dreaming and perhaps living in your dream state? A frightening thought but not impossible if you think of it. Your body may be gone, wrapped up and thrown into the ground to be recycled but you are where you are in this or that dream state always reaching but never really getting there, running but never really getting away fast enough and meeting people that you have never met before and being in places that you have never been to before , in short lost in limbo! But you sleep, you yearn for sleep to come and sometimes you take pills to fall asleep; why?
Where am i going with all these? I don't know right now but i will arrive at the conclusion somewhere ahead I am sure, but for now i am letting mind mind ramble on and watch what gives. Faith is not something that you are born with but something fed into you by the conditioning factors like your parents and the environment and so on as you age. Faith is something that you learn to get use to as you fall over one after another failures in life. You develop your faith from watching others living their lives day to day dealing with all kinds of trials and tribulations and making it through to the next day, and you ask, how? Faith in God, in humanity, in Love and in Yourself, you learn to have faith in all of these at one time or another to cope with what life throws at you or you drown just like a stone. Your faith keeps you alive, not your hope but faith, it is much stronger than hope and it is ever in the Now where hope is in the future.Without faith, a man is like a cork floating down the river at the mercy of the currents smashed against the rocks and sunk in the mud, With faith he learns to find his anchor and have control over his movement whether to stay or to go, with the power of faith he can create for himself the choices he wants to happen and not be at the mercy of fate and circumstances for with faith comes determination and perseverance, will and courage, patience and passion.
When life seems meaningless and barren, faith will lead the mind towards a sense of longing for a completion, a meaning and a yearning for the truth. The whole journey of knowing who you truly are is in knowing the truth about your being here in this field of infinite possibilities; this realm of Cosmic Consciousness. Only faith can lead you to such a realization, for faith is the ultimate faculty the you have to pierce through this veils of ignorance that has enshrouded your mind since time beginning. The shroud that hides you from who you truly are; that of a Divine Being, (manifesting in a human form.) Unless your egoic mind is liberated from its sense of arrogance and wonder, faith is all that will deliver you to the other shore and the other; so, abandon all hope!
" Whoever puts his Tawakkul or having unwavering, trust (faith) in Allah SWT (God), He will be sufficient for Him, Whoever puts his trust in Him, He will suffice him." 65: 2-3 Al Qur'an. Tawakkul is your source of Ease and Happiness, in both difficult and happy times...and He will provide you from sources that you could not even imagine. Re; Tawakul - Trust Allah a Powerful Story - Ahmed Jibril on You Tube.
"This place ( this life on this earth) is designed to break your heart. If you look to be happy in this life you are in the wrong place.and that is why the Sahabah (the Companions of the Prophet PBUH), in times of Ease they were more frightened than in times of hardship, because they said; Eas is only followed by Harship. When things are Easy they are always followed by Hard times. " the best act of worship is waiting patiently for a Happy outcome. As long as the Calamity is in this world it is a blessing, because the real calamity is the calamity in the next world."

"Those who believe, and whose hearts finds satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah, For without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."

Never meant to get carried away this far but such is, when the mind needs to ramble it goes all over in every direction till it gets to where and what was really aching to be heard and in this case it was about having faith?

A Christmas Message to my Children

" Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to your parent Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, the wing of humility, and say, "My Lord! bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in my childhood." Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts; if you do deeds of righteousness, verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to Him again and again (in true penitence).
And tender to the kindred their due rights, as (also) to those in want, and to the wayfarer; but squander not (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift. Verily spendthrift are brothers of the Evil Ones; and the Evil One is to his Lord (Himself ungrateful). And even if you have to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from your Lord which you do expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness. Make not your hands tied (like a niggard's) to your neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach, so that you become blameworthy and destitute. Verily your Lord does provide sustenance in abundance for whom He pleases, and He provides in a just measure. For he does know and regard all His servants."
                       The Holy Qur'an Surah 17 Al Isra'  or The Children of Israel Verse 23 - 30

Yesterday afternoon i took my daughter to the dentist as she was suffering in pain but still working. After watching a series called 'Prison Break with my son on the PC downloads I simply got up and told him that i was leaving to go say hi to his sister and i told i was doing this because i did not want her to feel like i am neglecting her. As I was driving myself to her work place i was like in a daze asking myself  why or what I was doing and a part of me told myself that I missed her and a part told me i felt truly sorry for her living the way she is right now. There is a part of me that was also telling me that it was all part of her life as well as mine and there is not much that i can do other than remain supportive of her regardless of what i feel is right or wrong for her. I am torn in trying to be a good'Muslim father ' and a practical and open minded liberal dad, ( whatever that means).
I could tell my daughter was surprised and relieved to see me as i approached her at her workplace and i felt more sorry to see her now taking on the worn out look of a struggling young woman facing the challenges of life. Such Is!
The I learned why I was moved to make the trip to see her. She was about to have break for a split shift and needed to go to the bank and the dentist as she was in dire pain and my appearance must have been the answer to her call. As i drove her around from one place to another i realized that my daughter is growing up into a tough young lady and I felt in a way proud that she has become self sufficient and yet still very loving and forgiving towards me as i know i could have done better in being there for her still in terms of money.
I have four children all in all, at least that I know of and as much as i am proud of them for their having grown up relatively clean from destructive habits and one even achieving what few can by becoming a Flight Captain in an Airline, I am sad the by the outcome of my relationship to each and everyone of them especially my eldest son who i had cherished most highly all these year of his life till he got married. It is sad to realize that i have lost a son instead of gain a daughter in law and i am still in the dark for the reasons which must be unforgiving for a highly educated and loving son to frown upon his father to this extreme. Most of my life i have been accused of, rejected and frowned upon by my brothers and even my own mother for one thing or another and my face has been slapped by no less than five people throughout my life including my eldest brother whose last slap was the hardest when he told how i have become a disappoint to him when I last visited him during the Aidil Fitri or Ramadan celebration at his home in Kuala Terengganu. Although it was not a physical pain as he had done so three times before while i was a teenager under his care, it was the most painful and this slap i will never forgive him. I was slapped in the face by my teachers while in school in order to educate me and there was absolute anger behind those slaps which was more than an abuse by any standards, the sting is still lingering in my face. It was surprising that my jaw had held together from some of these slaps. I was slapped by my professor, by my girlfriend by a cop and by a doctor but I never retaliated not once.
Why am I telling all these? Perhaps it is winding down time for this long and gruelling blog and it is about time some of the real ancient and twisted Karmas are brought out into the open so that they can be exorcised or the skeletons be emptied from this closet so that there is some space for better things to be stored in place. I am spring cleaning my head for this Christmas seasons like 'spring cleaning' and in the process I would like my children to know why or how messed up their father is and why he is the way he is before they get carried away passing their judgement on him because their slaps to this face will hurt much more than all the slaps i had taken in my entire life in whatever form they may be. Even if i deserve any such treatment from anyone of them I would like to remind them that I am still the father and had in more than one way helped to raise them to become who they are today. Unless their fingers are thoroughly pure and clean I would warn them against judging me too harshly after all these years,
Tor my sons, unless you have brought into this world your own child and raised him or her till she is free of your responsibility you are still not a man completely and to my daughter I will go through hell and back to make sure you are happy regardless if you think you have got me figured out. I am sorry for not being able to be more helpful financially to all of you but i have my reasons and i am learning that my reasons are founded, I am getting myself prepared to face my Maker as i know i have a whole of answering to do in my afterlife as a Muslim and in the process i am getting to know myself even deeper and more regretfully for the mess I am leaving behind me. I don't impose upon any of you my faith and i pray that you do not mock me mine, but suffice to say that your father was born a Muslim and will die one. If ever any of you wish to understand me at my spiritual level learn to read the Qur'an or make some effort to understand the religion of your father and your mothers who converted to Islam when they had you except for one.
You can frown upon me for whatever unforgivable reasons you may have but I ask you to look deeper and beyond what is apparent in you view. I hope you discover the truth in what you see of me especially if it comes from those who you think are closest to you. Wealth and money has its ways of corrupting even the best of friends to set man against man father against sons all for self serving interest. I am sorry to all of you for my shortcomings and not being a fulfilling father to all of you but I hope and pray that you will not fall prey to those who seek to gain from your dismissal of me. Lastly to the daughter in law i never got the chance to know, for whatever reason you may think I am not worthy of your respect, I forgive you and I am sorry. I ask and wish no more out of all of you and let this be my farewell to you all and wishing you and yours all the best and a Merry Christmas.
  As the saying goes: ” Eating a raw pea in life is better than eating a pig after death.” The ancients have taught that the ideal form of honor to parents is to care for and provide for them so that they may live a full, sustaining life, rather than merely paying respects after their death with generous sacrifice.

The Fruit of my labor.in One week.

"Eat ye not from the fruit of this tree." The Lord, said because it is not edible?.

I have no idea what it is called either but it is big, almost the size of a basket ball and  it is good for fertilizing the soil, they say.

Then there is the fountain in the middle of nowhere. It is not a waste of water as it comes direct from the river and the pressure is from the push of gravity..

My clubhouse, home away from home.

My temporary students from Sabah.

There aught to be a better technique at doing this weeding or Landak as it it is called in Malay.

The boys out in the field.

This is the system of organic Rice growing that has just won First Place in the 'innovation capacity' at the national level competition.

Back to the original ways of cultivation where no Chemicals are used for fertilizers nor any used for pest control.

Dreaming up my next Journey.

So exactly what is it that i am trying to prove to myself or to the world for that mater? What am I contributing doing or being what i am? Am I getting anywhere near as to how or why i am the way that i have envisioned my self to be in my old age or have i squandered all my efforts and resistance for just 'a pocket full of marbles?" I too aspire to become a 'Ram Dass' or the servant of God' and I too had desired to humble myself and my services to human kind in some small way but am I really making any significant difference, or am I just kidding myself? After all these years and myriads of good and bad experiences i am still questioning myself these most basic and fundamental of all questions like it matters anymore.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in one of his talks said, " ...Anyone who has knowledge, he just can't feel rested until he has given it out... motivated by this tendency of giving out knowledge I came out of the Himalayas" What Transcendental Meditation has done in the West ever since it was introduced to the Western Mindset was phenomenon as hundreds and thousand of practitioners evolved into greater being as a result from its practice. One small Indian man (like Mahatma Gandhi), again practically changed the whole human psyche with TM wherever it was touched and had left an indelible impact upon the western society as well as the Far East leading the masses into  anew age of spiritual advancement in the form of Science of Creative Intelligence. One of the major impediments towards achieving a state of spiritual attainment in humans is the fact that eat the wrong kind of food, 'contaminated food' grown with chemical and often poisonous fertilizers, in purifying our minds it is necessary to eat organically grown food as much as possible which is why I make every attempt to be involved with an organic farm activity. I believe in the fact that we are what we eat, well, at least physically if not spiritually speaking.
So what is it that after all these years i am still dragging my foot about? Is there some great happening or awakening in the near future that will rip apart this pseudo existence that i am trapped in or is this all there is is to it; the'Summit of the Mystique Mountain as the wise Rev. Edward Espe Brown used to say at Zen Center in San Francisco..What more is there that can be scaled what knowledge is there that is hidden from view that can liberate this way seeking mind into action? I think it is time to make my journey to Mekah and do my Umrah if not the Haj itself! It will be  a challenge worthy of my age and circumstances. Perhaps a journey by land from Malaysia to India to Pakistan and the rest of it. What a glorious trip it would make for a closing chapter of this ramblngs...The Journey to the Lord of Power! Wow! The Holy Prophet (Pbuh) would have loved this!
One can dream! After all that was how it all began and ever since i dreamed of my life as being on the road to find out I have been living this dream often times in the form of nightmares but still it is an on going dream and it would end perhaps when i finally wake up! So, time to bring out the Buddha Bowl and do some begging for sponsorship to get me through several countries to my destination,; The Holy Land of Mekah and Madinah, the Buddha's final destination! Any takers out there? Just checking, no harm in dreaming within a dream is there?

Paranoia? or Self Awareness?

It is not easy to simply ignore the presence of others especially if they are your family and relatives and it is not easy to simply just walk away from them when they are there looking at you with some expressionless looks of,' what the hell are you up to old man? Yes, I am back in Penang with a nasty migraine from working out in the hot sun for the last dew days cleaning up the farm. My visit to the farm too was not very inspiring this time as there was changes in attitudes that was not there before but present now due to a certain amount of success that was achieved by the 'Korporasi' and it is slowly sinking into the heads of leaders like success always do. Arrogance and disdain for others is beginning to show in their interactions with those who came to learn and those like me who volunteer their services.It is sad, but it is human nature regardless of who or where you are in this world it is bound to happen.

People come from all over the country to find out what is going on and perhaps learn a thing or two about the growing of organic rice but not all are there by choice and not necessarily are into what is being shared, they are there perhaps because they were made to by respective agencies in the government as i found out, it is more like a vacation for them. These are the type that will not take sarcasm while being talked to too kindly and this is what was going on  sadly enough.. Educating adults takes a whole lot of  manners and understanding, otherwise it will become a negative.

The captain means well and has the well being of others at heart no doubt, but he is still highly influenced by the Military habit that that has been his style in dealing with people and sometimes this meets with those who cannot accept commanding authority or being treated like they were in the army.Many i talked made this quite clear about the Captain and the same was expressed by those who pulled out of the project in its earlier stages, the captain and his rough handling by the captain who demonstrated power and control over others through his communication skills. 

Unlike the captain, Tuan Haji Marzuki, or the'Kelulut Man' as I call him is a more better communicator and makes for a better educator and this was not only mu own observation but was also expressed by the others who were taking his Kelulut Class. I am making this observation because it is a lesson I am learning for myself through watching how others function, what makes for good or what fails to achieve what goals one has..
When you loose sight of your goals and intentions then you act with your ego than from your heart.

Trigona/Kelulut honey have long been introduced only to discover this Trigona honey goodness. What is Trigona/kelulut bees? This is a family of honey bees also, but it is smaller and did not sting. Unlike most bees, kelulut not harmful  to humans and the honey produced is useful in medicine and health.  Like bees, Kelulut also form complex social colonies. MARDI in Malaysia has conducted research on this species and found Trigona bees in Malaysia has many species of Kelulut bees. In Malaysia , there are 30 over species Trigona bees.

This Kelulut bees produce honey and propolis  rich in antioxidants. Slightly different with ordinary honey bees, honey from the Kelulut bees is  light in color, it taste is not like the other honey,  its not as sweet, sweet  flavor it more earthly. Sometimes it can taste like some wood. Because the nest is near to the group, like in a tree stump and difference from the normal honey bee which up high in the tree.

Propolis can also function as anti-fungal, anti fungus, anti-bacterial and anti-inflammatory that is commonly used as active ingredients in cosmetics, creams and tablets. Kelulut honey is still in the research and potential commercialization.

Antioxidants have many functions, especially in the cancer problem. Among the reported illnesses cured through traditional treatment methods is the use of propolis are :

 -diabetes mellifluous

- stroke

- hepatitis

- cancer

- hypertension

- kidney stones

- and HIV / AIDS.

 Based on studies conducted under the supervision of Assoc. Prof Dr. Amrah Siti Sulaiman, from USM Kelulut states of Malaysia, that kelulut honey could reduce glucose levels for diabetics and effective prevent cancer and gout.

Anyhow, general speaking, for its nutritional value and benefit, said its far better than the normal honey. No wonder it so much more expensive.
Info From- Trigona Bee Farm.

3 Years in Sendai - 26- More sketches done in Sendai

A Haiku written by my friend Mr. Reichiro can't remember what it says now.

My business card while living in Sendai. black and white written on transparent paper.

A discription of my trip to Tokyo on the Shinkansen or the Bullet train.

.Seated priest Yuiken by Chokei or Jokei of the  Nambokucho period 1372. The mastery of wood sculptures in Japan is unsurpassable. 

These were wooden sculptures done of the three guardian deities or Deva Kings of the Buddhist icons as practiced in Japan.

This was a head gear belonging to a Shogun's Armor.

Sketched from a scroll or Hui Neng,  Bankei and Dharuma

'Utawaase' or poetry contest at Toboku-in held by people of various professions. Kamakura Period 14th Century.

Animal caricatures found on scrolls. It tells the folklore of stories where animals takes on human nature ans characters. 

3 Years in Sendai 25 -Sketches done in Sendai