ON Giving and Receiving.

My car is at Ah Huat's Shop getting fixed what needs to be fixed and having the engine oil change and the parking light fixed and the busted back tyre changed and so on . It will all be FOC off course according to my friend who insisted in the beginning that i go with him to have a medical check up some time this week. He knew i was reluctant to learn that i might have some terminal this or that. So yesterday i went to see him and told him of my situation and that if he really wanted to help me, he can fix my car so i can be on the road again and that will be ten times better than what the doctor can prescribe as I need to move around more than anything else. So this morning my car is at his shop and i get to use his car, also a Kancil.
The prospect of going to the east Coast is getting slimmer by the day as floods has been creating havoc in many areas  and the chances of getting stuck in the middle of nowhere is not something to look forward to, it is the Monsoon season now all along the East Coast of the Peninsular.Sp chances are I would opt for the Sik, Belantik Retreat at the  SRI LOVELY organic farm once i get my car and some money together. On the other hand i could just hang around here and get some serious printmaking going, Whatever it is i will have to wait for my car to be fixed and get my road tax which expires on the 27th. paid up and then i can decide what to do.I have been doing the dishes for the restaurant business where i live just to keep my mind busy at being useful for something and help to keep others mumbling about me behind my back which is typical of Malays to do especially when they notice you are a little odd, not conforming to the norm of the 'ummah' or the rest of the crew. So I volunteer to do the dishes which i found no one was hired to do and so there is always piles of messy dishes in the wash area. It is like waiting for the worse to happen like a surprise visit form the Health Inspectors. I also do it because it is like a conscience due to the fat that I eat there everyday free of charge in return for which i become the watchman during the evenings and nights So in essence i do not have to do anything.
Why am I boring everyone with these insignificant tit bits about my daily life? Well as one gets nearer to the grave one has to come as clean as clean is, somehow one has to make some sense out of whatever it is that one is working on or attached to or is presently wrapped up in.. The only sharing through this Blogging is something that has become 'a calling'. It is my 'Legacy' on how i had squandered my existence for the past sixty odd years with not much to show for other than a series of episodes that have made up my life, the sum total of my existence is in short written in every entry of my Blog just as one would keep an on going diary and it is who I am that i have been trying to unravel all these years.
So, while i am sitting in a lull, in between things to happen, i try to write of things that i have neglected to write about , things like how the hell do i survive no having a job! How do I keep myself occupied when there is not much else to do day to day and especially when there is no Internet excess, what do i do? I do, I do whatever it is that comes to my mind to do and often it is based on how much of a priority it needs to be done, like fix the car and worry about how to pay for it later, the money will come and the thing that needs to be done is to get the car to the garage. How to pay for it? Screw your pride and get used to humiliations cause you have earned it. In the past your ego knew no tolerance for such things as borrowing or asking and you always assume you are the giver and you took pride in it os much so that you do not even know how to ask for help when you are in dire need. Hence here I am asking, begging, selling just so i can keep doing the next thing i have in mind to do.This is the lesson of the Buddha's Bowl,  A lesson in humility and a lesson in knowing when to admit you have needs just like everyone else and when things gets too tight you can 'ask, and it shall be given.' and yes it has proven true for me most of the time.In return however i give back too, in my own ways that sometimes are best not mentioned as it tends to lead to my ego bragging about it.
What is life if we cannot share what it is that we have with others no matter how trivia it may seems, we get lost sometimes in our living with our own sense of delusions and imagination thinking that the world revolves around us and that the rich will never taste death or defeat and as such has no need for anyone else. The is no one giving and none receiving, the Buddha is said to have said, all is just the manifestation of the interdependent of beings in this realm of Samsara. Your greatest gift is your gift of awareness, your gift of realization that you too will one day be asking in return.
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“And now you ask in your heart, ‘How shall we distinguish that which is good in pleasure from that which is not good?’
Go to your fields and your gardens, and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower,
But it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee.
For to the bee a flower is a fountain of life,
And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love,
And to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.
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People of Orphalese, be in your pleasures like the flowers and the bees.”
― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

“When you ask for what you need and receive what people and the world have to give, you open up pathways you couldn’t see before, stimulate your imagination in ways that could not happen before, and have energy that was not previously available to you.~Amanda Owen”
― Amanda Owen, The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve