My older works..

Now i am getting the feeling of being stomped upon just like many times before in the old days when this sketch was done. Being dependant upon anyone or anything in this life has that tendency and it is not the healthiest of feelings to harbor inside, time to change?

I have been trying too hard perhaps to become something, to achieve something, too hopefull of something to happen, that I am allowing myself to be led into situations i might have problem getting out of with peace of mind. One of the issues i am dealing now is waste and sadly enough it is not mine and beyond my care and concern. If I stay around much longer here it iwll end up becoming mine and i will have to deal with it as I am already doing it now, the safest way i know how.

For the love of my children and my own sanity I have compromised myself in my beliefs and practices to suit theirs, I am now walking a tightrope of balance between heaven and hell. Is it all worth it? As a father I want to belief it is as what else is there for a parent to do but to see to the happiness of their children even if it is at the expense of their own soul.

I was never good at gambling and now i find myself gambling my future whatever is left of it in trying to make it all a well worth journey of my lifetime where at the end it all can come together to the mutual benifit of all my children albeit financially, socially, emotionally or spiritually. As I have said time and again I at least would leave with the knowledge that I have done it my way, I have chosen the road less travelled and made it work.

Ohh Yes! I would have loved to be rich and drive the Mercedes too, have two or three homes and watch all my kids enjoy life but that is not meant to be as my chosen course in life does not allow for such pleasures.
It was not that I did not have the opportunity to make it so, had i wanted to but my choices were not for comfort and riches alone, I wanted to taste life from the gutter to the pinacle of success and this I have about achieved. Wrapping up the show is a different mattter, just like knowing when to quit while you are ahead in creating a picture.

There are many types of Lazy Boy's chairs and couch potatoes in this existance and i could have easily settled for anyone in the course of my life but I had gotten up and walked out the door when it was getting just too comfortable. The problem with living in a dream is that after a while it has the tendency to turn into a nightmare.

So, all in all I have to move on, I have accomplished some of what I came here to accomplish and I have been able to make the best of the situation. My son has to move on with his life, a new relationship in the making and he is on track where his life and work is concern. I am needed somewhere else.

Insha'Allah, God willing, if there is a reason to we will meet again and sped sometime again together if not, I am still a proud father and will always be.

In my whole life of playing golf, I made a hole in one once! I have never owned a golf stick and the hole in one was made while i was a teenager using a three iron shared between three kids playing at the Istana Badariah Golf Course in Kuala Trengganu one quiet afternoon.

When I walked over to the green from where i teed off the ball I kept looking for it all around the area with my two other buddies untill one of them decided to look into the pin hole. That was a moment in my life that I can never forget and has been my reminder whenever my life is about to take a bad turn, I believe you make your own destiny.

Perhaps my sin in this life is for thinking too much about life. For being too invovlved and caring too much about all the small details some of which much beyond my will to do anything about. Perhaps i am a dreamer like my eldest brother accused me of and like all dreamers I live in constant threat of nightmares, of demons of my own creation. Drug addiction and alcoholism almost dragged me to the pits of hell on earth but for of Grace of Mercy I was salvaged.

I have survived sixty odd years now and my body and mind are beginning to manifest telltale signs of decay and wear and tear, I am running out of the will to fight or shed anymore tears. I have had enough of trying to justify my life, all I can do is take the most creative exit without leaving behind too much mess as it is.

I will create and share my creative expression with the world!!