My older works..

Now i am getting the feeling of being stomped upon just like many times before in the old days when this sketch was done. Being dependant upon anyone or anything in this life has that tendency and it is not the healthiest of feelings to harbor inside, time to change?

I have been trying too hard perhaps to become something, to achieve something, too hopefull of something to happen, that I am allowing myself to be led into situations i might have problem getting out of with peace of mind. One of the issues i am dealing now is waste and sadly enough it is not mine and beyond my care and concern. If I stay around much longer here it iwll end up becoming mine and i will have to deal with it as I am already doing it now, the safest way i know how.

For the love of my children and my own sanity I have compromised myself in my beliefs and practices to suit theirs, I am now walking a tightrope of balance between heaven and hell. Is it all worth it? As a father I want to belief it is as what else is there for a parent to do but to see to the happiness of their children even if it is at the expense of their own soul.

I was never good at gambling and now i find myself gambling my future whatever is left of it in trying to make it all a well worth journey of my lifetime where at the end it all can come together to the mutual benifit of all my children albeit financially, socially, emotionally or spiritually. As I have said time and again I at least would leave with the knowledge that I have done it my way, I have chosen the road less travelled and made it work.

Ohh Yes! I would have loved to be rich and drive the Mercedes too, have two or three homes and watch all my kids enjoy life but that is not meant to be as my chosen course in life does not allow for such pleasures.
It was not that I did not have the opportunity to make it so, had i wanted to but my choices were not for comfort and riches alone, I wanted to taste life from the gutter to the pinacle of success and this I have about achieved. Wrapping up the show is a different mattter, just like knowing when to quit while you are ahead in creating a picture.

There are many types of Lazy Boy's chairs and couch potatoes in this existance and i could have easily settled for anyone in the course of my life but I had gotten up and walked out the door when it was getting just too comfortable. The problem with living in a dream is that after a while it has the tendency to turn into a nightmare.

So, all in all I have to move on, I have accomplished some of what I came here to accomplish and I have been able to make the best of the situation. My son has to move on with his life, a new relationship in the making and he is on track where his life and work is concern. I am needed somewhere else.

Insha'Allah, God willing, if there is a reason to we will meet again and sped sometime again together if not, I am still a proud father and will always be.

In my whole life of playing golf, I made a hole in one once! I have never owned a golf stick and the hole in one was made while i was a teenager using a three iron shared between three kids playing at the Istana Badariah Golf Course in Kuala Trengganu one quiet afternoon.

When I walked over to the green from where i teed off the ball I kept looking for it all around the area with my two other buddies untill one of them decided to look into the pin hole. That was a moment in my life that I can never forget and has been my reminder whenever my life is about to take a bad turn, I believe you make your own destiny.

Perhaps my sin in this life is for thinking too much about life. For being too invovlved and caring too much about all the small details some of which much beyond my will to do anything about. Perhaps i am a dreamer like my eldest brother accused me of and like all dreamers I live in constant threat of nightmares, of demons of my own creation. Drug addiction and alcoholism almost dragged me to the pits of hell on earth but for of Grace of Mercy I was salvaged.

I have survived sixty odd years now and my body and mind are beginning to manifest telltale signs of decay and wear and tear, I am running out of the will to fight or shed anymore tears. I have had enough of trying to justify my life, all I can do is take the most creative exit without leaving behind too much mess as it is.

I will create and share my creative expression with the world!!

Sketching my Days Away

The sun setting over Falcon City of Wonders! Ar present there is not much to be "Wonders" about the group of residential area except for large villas occupied mostly by expats, (and their dogs). The small symbol of the Falcon sits on top of every lamp post.
Click on the pictures to enlarge and enjoy better images.
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One of my son's friends commissioned me to do a rendition of Rembrandt's etching sceneery in whatever medium I choose to and so the next few sketches are of these. The first ws done in pen and ink.

The second was done with charcoal.

The thrid was done with acrylic. Each came out with their own unique qualities for better or worse.

A charcoal drawing of a Lanscape take from a painting and altered.

Pen and ink drawing of a rustic scene of older Japan from a black and white photo.

The Defiant Swan from a painting of the Renaiscence Period, cannot remember who by.

The cruxifixion of Christ by Rembrandt an ethcing.
And His self portrait from a painting.

Rembrandt's self portrait from his painting with pen and ink.

Young lad restraining a Horse in chrcoal.

Happy Birthday Kathy- Steve's Mom

More Fun Sketches

I found more sketches in a box I had behind for my son when I last visited Dubai in 2009 and thoguht might as well have them poste just for the hell of it. These sketches are of various sizes and on different types of papers and materials. Done with all kinds of medium.

I hope that these works small and insignificant as they are will help one ore two aspiring art student or beginners who still find art as a great way to celebrate life.

For me the moments od creation were the gifts I had enjoyed for myself, a moment that was captured through time spent creating something that can be shared with others even if they were viewed at a glance or browsed through.

I knoq every stroke of my pen was laid down, every scratch and scribble were laid down simply because it was my way of saying thank you Lord for the gift or having this ability to sketch and draw.

These sketches also marked my time and space along the path i had walked through my life, they are reminders in some small way of moments that is gone forever, thoughts and ideas that were captured on pieces of scrap papers.

One of my most humbling moments in creating my sketches wa when I cought a friend retrieving on of my sketches discarded into a waste basket anking me if he could keep it. I asked it back from him and had it signed and dated before i gave it back to him. Sometimes i do not know how to value my own self worth.

This sketch of 'Karim Katak' is of one of my childhood friends who grew old and later died of drug and alcohol adiction. He was a character known by everyone in the community unique for his own antics as being the bum who was never sober.

Capturing children at play is not and easy task as they move around too much, however with the help of black and white photography this subject can be one of the most enjoyable thing to study.

Last Samurai

The movie, The last Samurai has alot of well captured scenes of the Japanese life in the Feudal Era Japanese history. The Samurais were to Japan what the Cowboys were to the West in the movies. The katana was like the six shooter and the exploits of lone swordsmen like Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kojiro blazed the trails of the Samurais like those of Billy the KId and Wyatt Earp creating legends as they wandered from one town to the next.

Samurais were origianally retainers hired to be protectors of their Lords, the Daimyos and the Shoguns and these personal body guards were highly paid and in return would die willing in protecting their masters.

Toe be a samurai was the dream of every young Japanese men who had the thirst for adventure and in becoming one was a matter of serious undertaking involving the understanding the warior's code, 'Code of the Bushido" was one such code. The understanding and practice of the Way of Zen was also tantamount to becoming a Samurai.

Like his counterpart the Gunslinger in the West, the Samurai journey towards becoming the most feared and respected was through seeking out challenges among themselves in duels.

What I like about these warriors is the manner in which they carried themselves among the more common folks who steered clear fromtheir pathas they swaggered through a town with their blades hanging from their waiste ever ready to be drawn just the six shooter from the holster of the gunslinger.

Training was the key to success and failure of being a great Samurai and these involved both inner and outer developments of the mind and spirit. The Samurai fights like a master painter or a Haiku or Poet in thier relative fields only his Art was played out for keeps with death as the ultimate reward.

Hence the comittment that the samurai impose upon himself defies all imagination when it comes to learning his trade, nothing was spared whether it was physical, mental or spiritual training for each fatal stroke of the blade spelt death.

The Ninjas were hired assasins employed to eradicate any competition or opposition to the feuding Lords. These skilfull warriors of darkness would utilize any means and tactics to accomplish their goals they were like the present day terrorists.

I enjoyed doing these sketches as they took me back in time when I was growing up in Malaysia and going to the movies with my brothers movies like, "Yojimbo", The Seven Samurais. The 49 Ronins, and my favorite, The Blind Swordsman, (Series).