My Wife

Flag this message
from Alma
Thursday, July 23, 2009 9:16 AM
From:
"dmneff" View contact details
To:
"shamsul bahari"
Hello Shamsal, Karim, and Marissa, Just a quick note to tell you that Nancy's turned for theworst. I was down to see her Sunday. She wasn't very good. Then I went again Monday and her condition was somewhatworse. Today I got a call that her condition worsened. Idon't know if you're familiar with the Hospice program. They are individuals who are a "go between" family and thenursing home and help to make patients as comfortable aspossible and inform you of the symptoms of death. Theyindicated that she was very ill and she is expected to leavethis world very shortly. She's just existing, sleepingmostly and doesn't respond to anything said. I'm so sorryto have to tell you and the children of this. It's in God'shands.Love,Mom



So, my heavy heartedness and lack of enthusiasm for the past few days has its reasons, I am going to loose my wife soon or so it seems. Yesterday evening for no apparent reason I found myself wanting to read the Surah Yaa Sin( considered the heart of the Quran and read when in times of need..) and I read it with whole heartedness and i thought I was just doing it to avoid my mind from drifting into its old bad habits but even this morning as I drove my daughter to school i felt a wave of negative energy and forced myself to turn to Allah with Astafargh begging for the mercy of the Lord of the Univers) and whatever came to mind. I had to force myself from letting my daughter feel the negative impact I was having by creating jokes out of the blue...and in my email this morning I discovered the source of my uneasiness, my terminally ill wife has come to a critical stage and could pass on any day.
Sad? Ya. Sometimes the sadness and cold despair reaches a point where it becomes just a numbing feeling of hopelessness. Angry? Ya, but who or at what? This is what the Buddha had warned man of, that life is suffering, impermanence is part and parcel of life and one of the major causes of suffering. If I feel sad it is only for my wife who deserves to see her children grown up into young adults and if I am angry it is at myself for not being able to be with her in these times of her need... through health and illnesses...but... only my prayers is all I have got to send to her and only the Lord's Mercy is all that elevate her suffering or end it. She is as far as I am concern in His hands.