Man can only propose...

In the Abscence of Malaysia...

Reality Check Time..

My children would rather remain American Citizens if they have to choose between becoming Malaysian Citizens or remain being American Citizens. For me btoth are equally good and both are as equally not so good but to choose the better of the two I am with their choice. This means a paradigm change in my conciousness is taking place as a begining preparation to embark again another adventure of moving my tao kids and me to the Good Ol' US of A...Land of the Free...Sweet Home of the Brave!! I hope the Amircan Consulate in Kuala Lumpur will be sympathetic to my situation and predicament with my children's Nationality status.

Like my oldest brother said.. You are the only to be blame, dont go accusing others of the troubles you are in and Today I say Alhamdulli'Llah, I now understand the impact of this statement. About to turn sixty this coming Ausgust i reserve the right to let off some steam, not that thats about all I have been doing through this Blogging addiction. This is the more I need to know Who I am, What am I? Where am I headed for in the scheme of this cycles of life and Death and Rebirth..I read Marquis De sade at the age of fourteen thanks to my brother, Li Yu Tang's The Before Midnight Schollar and saw the first issue of Mad Magazine and and the firtst issues to The incredible Hulk, and Spiderman and got to know Stan Lee in the sixties, thanks to my brother. I had destroyed alot of his Playboy magazines when I was into Collarges. I thought a good way to get rid of evidences that he possesed Playboy Magazines during those Years while being the Displinary Teacher for Sultan Sulaiman Secondary School, my secondary school became a mixed blessing. If not for my Eldest brother I would not have been able to take this road less traveled, this journey off the beaten path. He inspired a sense of confidence about him that has helped me kept asking myself who am I? In this scheme of things, where do I fit in?

OHH!! Adekk Ciku Razali...Abang mu ado' lagiii? Dengo kate Kurang sihat kit dok'?? Nampok do' main Tai Chi Kat padang dengan geng geng Cine pagi Pagi, sehat nampok!.. Cengei die dok? Semue budok budok takut dengor name' die'!! (Terengganu dialect spoken Malay)

A little side track there a trip back in time, tripped by some related thoughts to the subject of brotherly love and the need to express gratitude and the fact you are still in my thoughts and conciousness as one of my Teachers in Life if not the first. Every once in a While my mind tends to take look back and reflect the past so as to correct the future. Taking a piece of my past successes or failiures and working on it as a healing practice in my mind a reflective form of meditation unravling and untangling the tangles and letting them float away into oblivion perhaps to where all wasted thoughts are delivered to be recycled and stored and not to be mentioned these are the files for Judgement Day! So! Allah (SWT) is perfectly fine, it is me that have to work out that which is productive and everlasting and that which is tempting and enticing but impermanent, transcient, material or spirit? Body or Soul, Which comes first?! When I admit 'I' am the Soul...I am no more... the body... I am no more material I have committed to becoming more spirit concious, perhaps some calls it more spitirually awakened by the removal of layers of Veils that had shielded me from my true nature, my original being , my sense of purpose and intellect, the tolls Allah has bestowed upon me in this short span of life.
At least I am still alive, even if this physical body is slowly surrendering to age and decay I 'm still running after my Lord and shedding my schrouds along the way as i unveil myself and bare my spirit to the Universe to be seen and heard and to be judged for qwhever it is, before it is placed before my Lord at the end of days. I am a soul speaking as one talking as one and thingking as one and acting as one, if and when I remember : Who I am. When I am not weighed down by worldly affairs or staring at a pair of tight pants or my mind is not cluttered with crows.
My children's future will occupy my mind for a long time to come yet but it is a blessing in disguise as it provides me with sense of goal in making things happen despite all the traversities. For the past elven years I have tried to get them to become Malaysian citzens but to no avail, their papers are buried in one of the boxes in the home ministry' store room. Now it seems with the new Interior Minister there is a glimpse of hope but my children has decided they had enough of being made to feel worse than foreign workers in this country and as their father I cannot help but feel the same. Perhaps it is meant to be this way and who knows what Allah has in store for them when they begin their lives there. It was a great experience for me not to mention a privillage to be in the country for 21 years of my life. But my children grew up elsewhere, Japan and now Malaysia they have no recollection of what America would be likenow as teenagers. All they know is that they are Muslim Malays and raised in the East Coast for half their lives and now in Penang for the other half. He speak bothe East and west coast Malay dialects. Thank god they speak good English and have been gathering a good amount of knowledge of what to expect if and when they return to the US., thanks to the Internet. I can only lead the way knock on some doors for them. Insha'Allaahh!