Innalillahi Wa'Innalillahi Ra'Jiun...Sayonara...

How do I feel now that my wife is gone, no more? Sad, Yes. Relieved, Yes. Angry, No. Not any more, my loss was meant to be as part and parcel of God's Will. Relieved because at long last she is free from so much suffering not only in the past few years she spent in the Nursing Home but also her life before she met me and perhaps even during our married years. I was never the perfect husband tried as I might. I am sad for my children and for my wife not being able to enjoy them in the later years as she more than me deserves to be with them as they grow into adulthood.
There was never adoubt in my mind that I love my wife and she was a great person loved by many who knew her especially her students who were mostly International students who studied English as a Second Language. She lived and taught in Japan for a total of ten years My wife was as dedicated a teacher as they come and her job was her life. I was the homemaker of the family most of our married life and my wife was the bread winner, this was the arrngement I had to choose as she was happier while in school teaching than anything else. In a way it was a blessing for us my being an artist and able to be as productive at home as anywhere else and thus was not easily succumbed to boredom or frustrations in spending my time at home. This off course did not sit well with some who sees a man's role is tot be the breadwinner not his wife. If i had insisted on this perception my wife would have either devorced me earlier or met her illness sooner.
My wife passed away yesterday in an Illinois Hospital somewhere and will be buried today according my mother in law and I feel like a part of me will be buried in the ground with her. I pray that the AlMighty will take her into His care as she deserves it. To me it does not matter if she is buried by Christian or Muslim Burial for she was both and accepted Islam as her faith in he later years here in Malaysia by any standard she was a good Muslim that often times made me feel special.
I will miss you Nancy and soon I hope that we will be together again in the afterlife Insha'Allah. May Allah receive you and protect you always for you have been cleansced through your illness and your faith in Him, Insha'Allah.