My pilgrimage to the Thai Border.

Drove with my son Karim to Bukit Kayu Hitam, the Thai malaysian Border to get his passport stamped which will make him eligible to stay in the country for the next three months. I guesse it is yet another sign of ageing when driving with your son is no more a fun thing and hardly any intelligent conversataion took place between us. I tried hard to think of something interesting that i could raise as an issue but ended with telling him to dress for the occaision, to get hair cut, to be more aware and responsible. So I decided to shut up and did my meditational Zikhr and when that did not help to calm me down i started to humm to myself untill we reached out destination.






















My son in his classic response slumped into the seat and pretended to fall asleep or lost to the world giving me the cold shoulders. Needless to say it was a very long drive and not in mileage alone. I wanted to scream at him that I was sick and tired of having to deal with this Immigration and passport issues, that I hate the very faces of these Immigration officers, arrogant and cold sons of bitches, but hey, it is not his fault, I fucked up. These officers are merely performing their duties jerking off their loads at every chance they get just to proof to themselves that they have the power.























This morning took aride across the bridge to the Immigration office in Butterworth to try and get my daughter's papers straightened out. As always it was a bloody waste of time and moneyand not to mention the loss of emotional psychological energy till like one is about to commit murder...at 60!!

One of the purpose of writing this blog was to attempt at studying what make s a terrorist and deviant an anti social a bloody murderer, i am am approaching that point in my life where the old demon of anger is about to take over whatever is left of self preservation and the fear of God. I am sick and tired of dealing with this crap my God! I aM SICK AND AND TIRED!!~ I am about to throw in the towel and say fuck it, it is not my shit anymore arrest me arrest my kids for overstaying and see what happens. Deportation is not a bad option for them as this will involve the American Consulate about time they take some interest in my children's affairs after what is the use of being an American if all that it is good for is to pay for the renewal of their passports.























Sometimes one gets so wrapped up in frusteration and tensions that it is almost impossible to be creative try as you may. So Idecided to let my feelings for the moment go and let out my scream of rage through my monoprints which I created this morning. I know i cannot yell at the immgration officers without getting myself into hot soup so i will my feelings be known through my art.


What have i got to loose personally? Jail sentence? for what? They will only be waking up another sleeping Demon who is in the midst of struggling for his soul already and at an age and time where nothing really matters much anymore. All these years being in this country i have refrained myself from acting irrationally against the system. I have abided by the rules and observed all decorums to the best of my ability and interest. I have strived to better myself and my relationship to society and i have tried to do the best in raising my children meeting their every needs the best i can. But my best is not good enough or so it seems and maybe the time has come to let out the demon to do the man's job.

The sword of wisdom it is said is doubled edged, it cuts both ways, it cuts through right and wrongs, good and bad, it is time to weild the old sword and take on the petty tyrants who has it in their heads that they rule right or wrong for better or for worse. To cut through these veils that has been shrouding my sight from my Lord, to shatter these chains that has bounded me to the ground and free my being to join my Lord.
I invoke Yamantaka! Haruka! and Mahakala! to do battle against this darkness of my life, to destroy this ignorance that has beseiged me from all sides clouding my mind with illusions. I invoke the angels Jibrail, Israfil and Mikail to stand by me and i call upon the Holy Prophet and all the Prophets of old to protect me from my own ignorance and weaknesses, my insatiable nafsu.
I prostrate myself before the Lord of Truth that He forgive me and grant me the resurrection of a Muslim. I came from and shall return to my Maker and none is greater than He the Lord of Power. He knows what is within me and He lay my course for me that i may not faulter too much from my destined path in returning to Him.
Insha'Allah!!