Today I came very close to breaking down what a shrink would consider as a nervous breakdown but I only sat and cried on my bed and after a long quiet sitting I managed to compose myself and decided to turn my face away from all the crap that is bugging me. I decided to wrap up my show at the Muzeum gallery well at least gather all the journals and store them as there is no harm in leaving those on the walls for the visiting students. Not many understand the German Video exhibition that is presently on going and there is one or two pornograpic images in those video scenes which I think the Gallery staff missed or maybe...
I also collected the items I left with Haslam at the Ghara gallery Tanjung as I have no intention of prolonging our relationship into the future, probably my loss but I have to make changes in my approach or I will dragged down the same path to no wghere depending of others for my survival. I doubt that i will be having anymore shows in the future and from the way I feel it looks like I am about to make a drastic shift in my life and it is scary. I dont know where or how it is going to happen but something will happen for the better or for worse.
I still owe half this month rent and my car payment and so far there is no income from anywhere in sight, it makes me sick to even think that i cannot give my two kids a short vacation in the east coast like they wanted to instead they took off to their friend;s home and the3 daughter is working for one of her uncles. Well done Bahari! You really blew it this time and really big time!! Where's the dvine intervention or the karmic grace where's all that crap about being Perfect, Strong and Powerful trip? Wheres' all the rich family and friends who used to look for your return and for god's sake what is going to happen to your kids and their visas and their educational situation? Wake up!! Before its fucking too late wake fucking up! This is not fun anymore, you are not getting nay younger nor wiser and how often have you wrote this same old crap to yourself over and over like a broken record, dont you ever learn?
It will take a miracle yes nothing but short of a miracle to turn your life around either that or the end or your existance. You still wanna be an artist? Ha! be creative because its a divine gift? God given talent and all that jazz? Look at where it has got you all through the years. So many had warned you about the consequences but do you listen? No! You beleive in yourself being on the right path, the right motivation, the right calling and all that crap, today the world need another creative genius like you like it needs a Nuclear Holocaust! Wake up Bahari! Seek deeep within your soul and seek deeper than you have ever find tha
t miracle before it is too late and stop looking at others for your liberation from this mess.
I also collected the items I left with Haslam at the Ghara gallery Tanjung as I have no intention of prolonging our relationship into the future, probably my loss but I have to make changes in my approach or I will dragged down the same path to no wghere depending of others for my survival. I doubt that i will be having anymore shows in the future and from the way I feel it looks like I am about to make a drastic shift in my life and it is scary. I dont know where or how it is going to happen but something will happen for the better or for worse.
I still owe half this month rent and my car payment and so far there is no income from anywhere in sight, it makes me sick to even think that i cannot give my two kids a short vacation in the east coast like they wanted to instead they took off to their friend;s home and the3 daughter is working for one of her uncles. Well done Bahari! You really blew it this time and really big time!! Where's the dvine intervention or the karmic grace where's all that crap about being Perfect, Strong and Powerful trip? Wheres' all the rich family and friends who used to look for your return and for god's sake what is going to happen to your kids and their visas and their educational situation? Wake up!! Before its fucking too late wake fucking up! This is not fun anymore, you are not getting nay younger nor wiser and how often have you wrote this same old crap to yourself over and over like a broken record, dont you ever learn?
It will take a miracle yes nothing but short of a miracle to turn your life around either that or the end or your existance. You still wanna be an artist? Ha! be creative because its a divine gift? God given talent and all that jazz? Look at where it has got you all through the years. So many had warned you about the consequences but do you listen? No! You beleive in yourself being on the right path, the right motivation, the right calling and all that crap, today the world need another creative genius like you like it needs a Nuclear Holocaust! Wake up Bahari! Seek deeep within your soul and seek deeper than you have ever find tha
t miracle before it is too late and stop looking at others for your liberation from this mess.
No comments:
Post a Comment