The man on the TV screen is extolling the Grace of the AlMighty towards Malaysian involvement in the Aero-Space adventures (industries). Yes, Malaysia Boleh and there's nothing that we cant do or so it seems and to be the first amongst your neighbors is another feather in the cap for Malaysians. The desire to be recognized and respected by the rest of the world as a developing nation headed towards self sufficient and independant country has spurred this country towards what the government has dubbed as a Vision 2020 the target year by which it is hope that this nation will become a developed country in every sense of the word with a standard of living equal if not superceding those developed nations today. It is a vision none the less a vision whereby the nation as a whole knowingly or unknowingly strives towards despite all the ups and downs that one faces in our day to day struggles to survive. 
With only two ringgit left in my pocket and a potluck get together to attend for the Malay Artist get together the vision of the nation is not the greatest sight I have for myself but the weight of making sure that I have enough gas to get me there and back to my exhibition at the USM Gallery. The two ringgit is what was left after paying for my brakfast of yeasterday and today and the ten ringgit I spent was borrowed from my daughter's Raya Money which she told me last night to go ahead and use if I needed it. She is now staying at her cousin's and my sone has been staying with his buddy, thank the Great One for small favors!
How do I feel about it all? Should I be ashame? Should I feel small and lapse myself into self pity or even end myself up in despair? Who is asking? Who gives a shit how or what i should feel about myself, everyone out there has their load to carry even if most just feel less of the weight for whatever reason. I write my life as it is and it is a rambling of a mind that has evolved for better or for worse seeking to make some sense of rationality or justification and after all it is not really all that bad compared to most, I still have my good health if not my good looks. I have my art show and the University still owes me two thousand ringgit which if it had been settled would have not caused me to write such banal and dehumanizing note to myself. However write it I have to as I had set upon myself to document my life as closely as i possibly without jeopardizing myself or others in the eyes of the law. This will not make for good writing or something worth reading in this days and age where reading is becoming an acquired taste a rare hobby especially on a boring subject of this personal nature.
What do I hope to acheve other than humiliate myself and possibly bring shame upon my loved ones? This has yet to be be seen as the answer lies in the original intention the original goal the need to understand who I am or where am I at, how close or how far am I from my own personal vision of that to meet my Maker to stand before the Lord Of Truth with a complete concious mind or an enlightened mind. This has been my Vision in life and a vision that might not make it by 2020 but a vision none the less.
With only two ringgit left in my pocket and a potluck get together to attend for the Malay Artist get together the vision of the nation is not the greatest sight I have for myself but the weight of making sure that I have enough gas to get me there and back to my exhibition at the USM Gallery. The two ringgit is what was left after paying for my brakfast of yeasterday and today and the ten ringgit I spent was borrowed from my daughter's Raya Money which she told me last night to go ahead and use if I needed it. She is now staying at her cousin's and my sone has been staying with his buddy, thank the Great One for small favors!
How do I feel about it all? Should I be ashame? Should I feel small and lapse myself into self pity or even end myself up in despair? Who is asking? Who gives a shit how or what i should feel about myself, everyone out there has their load to carry even if most just feel less of the weight for whatever reason. I write my life as it is and it is a rambling of a mind that has evolved for better or for worse seeking to make some sense of rationality or justification and after all it is not really all that bad compared to most, I still have my good health if not my good looks. I have my art show and the University still owes me two thousand ringgit which if it had been settled would have not caused me to write such banal and dehumanizing note to myself. However write it I have to as I had set upon myself to document my life as closely as i possibly without jeopardizing myself or others in the eyes of the law. This will not make for good writing or something worth reading in this days and age where reading is becoming an acquired taste a rare hobby especially on a boring subject of this personal nature.
What do I hope to acheve other than humiliate myself and possibly bring shame upon my loved ones? This has yet to be be seen as the answer lies in the original intention the original goal the need to understand who I am or where am I at, how close or how far am I from my own personal vision of that to meet my Maker to stand before the Lord Of Truth with a complete concious mind or an enlightened mind. This has been my Vision in life and a vision that might not make it by 2020 but a vision none the less.
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