Finding My Dharma Position

It is raining outside and the time says 1pm., I just got here from the USM Gallery where the gallery assistants were trying to motivate themselves into hanging up my works which are scatttered all over the floor and most Already sorted out for hanging on various walls. Its alot of room to cover and my works are mostly tiny sketches and prints and so it is a challenge for them to figure out the best way to present these potpouri of years of art stuff. It is the fasting month after all and on top of that its Saturday with most of the staff on leave officially or otherwise, one cannot expect too much enthusiasm. So I decided to leave them and do some reflection while getting this blog down while at it.
It looks like every piece of scrap paper that has a sketch on it is going to find a space on the Gallery walls and all my sketchbooks from the first till present will be put on display for publis scrutiny, my life exposed! My thoughts my imaginations my trials and tribulations my hopes and fears, my family's all are open for discussion as soon as the show is open to public. Am I ready for this? WhaT AM i HOPING TO ACCOMPLISH? What am I hoping to gain? Publicity? Monetary compensation, a possibility of a sponsorship for a book in the distant future as part of the ongoing plan of my lifetime works. The answer is yes it is all of these and more, it will be yet another stepping stone towards gettin close to becoing a National Laureate, an independantly waelthy and well known and well accepted bonafide artist whose words and views will carry water where and whenever. This has been on the agenda right from the beginning and it will continue on into the future till the fat lady Sings. I do not deny my ulterior motive for all that I have done with my life as an artist, it was all planned and focussed right from the day I conceived the idea to do an Independant Study for my University program at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay.
The first journal i did was the first trip I took out of the USA on a student study tour of England and from then on my trips and ny journals continued into the years now spanning almost thirty years and quite a few countries. Sometimes I loose my ground as i loose my touch with this journey but more often than not the documetation and the recordings through writings and sketchings persisted as it is happening this very moment while I am entering this into the blog.
The Bilal or Muezzin is calling the faithful to their needs and I amfeeling the guilt of not complying to the call, I am stuck in the middle of doing my spiritual search of who I am and how far or how near i have come from being with my Maker. Bottom line this is what the whole trip is all about. It is the self searching or soul search, it is trying to understand and make sense out of all these nonsense, it is in trying to come to a clearer understanding of my 'Dharma' position, my primordial ground of being, that from which I originated and that to which i am to return to at the End of Days. It is a journey wrought with the opposites that my dual thinking mind has manifest and a journey paved with seeking for clues and answers for questions raised about who I am and what i am in relation to God and the Universe, to my ailling wife and my children, to my family and relatives friends and the general human population on this planet.
This solo exhibition is perhaps a cornerstone of my artistic endeavors as I am beginning to wind down from what seems like a long and tedious journey not all that bad as most of it was alot of fun and filled with challenges that I fill privillaged to have been graced with. There will be ups and downs and there will always be success and fialures but throughout my life i have climbed mountians and dove into revines, I have slip and slided into many relationships and experiences that most people will never touch and i recorded these as much as i can through my art and writings. The question will always be there, what for? Why waste all the time and money and materials collecting things that will eventually be lost into oblivion anyway? And the answer will remain the same, to make sense out of non-sense, to get to know and realize who I am and what be my Dharma Position, that from which I stand before my Lord and Maker at the End of Days.