Ramblings for the sake of rambling.

 What will it be? To live to the fullest or to die in ignominy or worse yet, a non entity, like an insignificant dust in the wind...what will it be? The choice is being laid before you and it is up to you to pick up the Gauntlet and slap your opponent with it. This is how a warrior perceives his life to be, no grey areas, simply all Black and White. The  truth is laid bare not hidden behind radiant colors. This is what created the interest i have black and white art, movies and stark landscapes like a field of snow in Wisconsin or a sea of green in the summer months when the corn fields stretches as far as the eye can see. One has to have truly tasted these divine sights in person, one will have a little harder time to appreciate the miracles of God. How can there not be a Creator?! What arrogance to believe that I am capable of being responsible for all these that I am witnessing! That I am manifesting. OM Nama Shiva Ya! AllahuAkhbar! Namo Tasa, Bhagavato, Arahato Sam sam Buddha Sam! There has to be, I am a servant to That, does not make me any smaller than I already am, but it helps to keep my ego in-check. I cannot climb any higher than I already am I am as close as I want to be next to my Lord, God, Allah aza wa jalla! How can I express any more plainly than I already am, 

                                           Don't mess with the Sabre!18th. century British Steel.

If you have been with from the beginning of this journey you would by now have seen the Real behind the Unreal, The Truth behind the Facade and the Form behind the Emptiness...it is like a message on a broken record repeating its line again and again, till your mind is  'comfortably numb'! This is the Way of the Buddha, just to 'Ride the Gravy Train!!" This the Essence of 'The Art of Living!."  "The Middle Course Way," it also sometimes called too. Every Tom, Dick and Merry has his or her Way these days. I am as guilty as charged! What is life without a little sin here and there to taste what karma is all about? Not just take the Dalai Lama's words for it, d your own experiment, find out! A hermit was once to have been said wae so pious and sinless that he had to steal a little bread from the kitchen every morning to keep himself from float off into who knows where. This act of a small sin keeps him nailed to the floor, centered and present in the moment always. It was not that serious as I made it sound but this was his choice to remain in this realm and help others to become liberated from this life of pain and suffering, an illusion of a dimension.  

                                                  They say there's a Buddha living up there!

This is exactly what I am leaving behind me as i step into this New Year of 2025...enough of trying to justify myself over and over with no justification in sight. This is where I step back from the edge and reevaluate my situation, I am doing my Spring Cleaning! Time to remove all that is not relevant or necessary and replace them with who knows what...time to enlightened my burden and letting go of not needed baggage. This could be my final pilgrimage in this life, a journey that needs to be done if I am to keep my spiritual practice stay strong and resilient in the coming year, if I make it through this year 0f 2025. Year of the serpent, of the snake, of Wisdom and Intrigue, Year of shedding of the skin and renewal. Be aware that you do not awaken the Serpent Power or the Kundalini energy from within you, if you do, learn to handle it and use it to save the world! Otherwise stop bragging! The serpent of wisdom coils around Lord Shivas' neck and shoulders sitting at the most highest throne next to Lord Shiva. The Serpent drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden. It is the serpent that sits upon the Pharaoh's crown  in place of the Third Eye. Yes, the snake, call it by what name it is still creepy! When Aaron threw down Moses's staff to the ground it turned into a serpent, then two of the Palace Priests threw their staff and two snakes appeared and they fought and Moses's snake ate both the Priests' snakes and end of story. Rameses the 2nd was forced to let the Slave People go! The Jews! No Israel yet at the time of Pharoah, only Hebrews, No Judaism, nor The Torrah or the Zabur, none existed yet until Moses went up the Mountain and came down with the Ten Commandments that it all happened. Today we are called the People of the Book. All of us, Jews, Christians and Muslim alike we are the people of The Book and what is most tragic is we all worship the same Being that some call God...etc. The truth is in the scriptures, the devil is in the details. 

Don Juan Matus and Don Genero meeting at the infinity pool at the end of the Penang bridge. The Nagual is taking the picture. All having a goood time at The Light'. Ever heard of Carlos Castaneda? He wrote a book on separate realities and many others on the Yaqui Way Of Knowledge. I was drawn to his works while in college in the 70s. I am proud to say that I touched the edge of the Sonora Desert on the borders of Arizona and Mexico. Driving towards Tucson from Silver City would place the Sonora Mexican Desert on my left while the rest of the United States on my right.  Don Juan Matus was  Yaqui Warrior/Shaman who befriended a College professor who was doing a research paper on the Ways of the Yaqui People of the Sonora Desert. I read all of Carlos's works and was very impressed with all the similarities that we have growing up in Malaysia...The Altered States of Consciousness while under the influence of natural stimulants such as the Mescal brew, or the Peyote Button ingestion, or the Hayawasca mixture, is a key to opening the doorways into the next dimension or an altered state of consciousness. 

What has the picture got to do with Carlos and Don Juan, they were just evoked that image from my unconscious mind and so I write. Its my way holding on to the present as is despite all that is going on around me. I am absorbing all the vibes and images, all the aches and pains, I am feeling, I accept and surrender them to the Universe where they came from. The past still have a hold on my consciousness and every so often I have to give in and meet with an obligation that needs to be fulfilled, karma is karma sooner or later one rises to the surface and  one deals with it. This is how I believe we repay our abuse of karma. However good karma is good karma and will outshine negative karmas anytime, just have to be aware of it. Yes Awareness, that famous last word of Buddha's practice; AWARENESS!

            

 

    

The Journey has begun...I am floating down the river or up depending.

 Here is where it all begins! The journey of a Thousand Li, begins with the first step taken. The birth of a New Beginning, the Shift from what is Real and what is Not, what is Authentic and what is a fake. The Journey begins with the end of the 2024 year of much Pain and Suffering for humanity at all levels from all walks of life, to 2025 what I feel will be a promising year if we play our cards right! If we can live a genuine authentic life free from self doubts and ignorance we might still be able to create healing spaces, where like minded people can gather together over a glass of Teh Tarik. A Retreat, where a weary soul can hang up their hats and sit and meditate and contemplate among brothers and sisters. A Place off Sharing pain and comfort, joy and sorrow a place where one can enjoy the healing of one's mind in perfect silence; I will create another Hospice by the Sea! "Space of Energy rejuvenating and Mind Bending," for those having doubts in their lives of late. There are more Private Hospitals in Penang than anywhere else in Malaysia,  I think so. Good for the economy of the  local residents, hopefully our Medicare System will still be running and that medication available at the General Hospital is genuine. Anyway that's not my concern on who is getting rich and who is not. My concern is putting together a plan that would complement the Medical Industry in Penang with an R@R for recovering patients or their spouses and family. and the ability to see the country.    

                                        Chance meeting Mr. Lee at Museum Galleri -USM - my Herro.

That's the plan! Yes man can only propose and God will dispose...and this too will pass...and I will have missed entering the gateless gate! I have the location and land earmarked for the facility and I am sure that there will be investors towards financing the project. It will all Happen, InshaAllah, by His Will! I can only propose. Terengganu can use a New Medical Support Facility catering to do and the well todo! This is where the recovering and the waiting can spend their time by the  South China Sea. Fresh air and good Sunshine. Then again, why do I need to put myself into these 'business type situations', I do not think i have that much energy left. Off course i can relegate and delegate, all good Supervisors do. Still there's too much phone calling and such disrupting engagement that will upset my original plan of healing my wearied soul. The Journey of  Thousand Miles begins... and i propose, while God dispose, so it is said and so it shall be written! Well all that aside i still see a good possibility of getting the idea carried out if I can persuade my two nephews to join forces and make it happen. 

                                        The Museum can use new breed of creative thinkers. 

The Ten Commandments was a movie made in 1956  and I think i saw it in the same year when almost the whole Francis Light Primary School kids were at the Cathay Theater, on Penang Road, next block to the Main Police Station. The building is now a Mydin Mall where you can get anything and everything. I remember the day we went to see Spartacus with Kirk Douglas, a legend in my time. Sometime in the 50s too I went a movie called Tom Dooly with my eldest brother at this theater. Ben Hur came to mind too, with Charleston Heston about the same period, it was fun watching along with a bunch or howling monkeys, but it was the best of times for me. I later saw, "The bridge on the River Kwai," with David Niven and Lawrence of Arabia with Peter O'Toole. At 4-6 years of age i was exposed to some very heavy duty movies that ever graced the theater. I was mesmerized and absorbed by what i saw on this huge screen some of the best landscapes and great acting by the masters of my youthful period on this plane. 

"The Ten Commandments is a 1956 American epic religious drama film produced, directed, and narrated by Cecil B. DeMille,^[5] shot in VistaVision (color by Technicolor), and released by Paramount Pictures. The film is based on the 1949 novel Prince of Egypt by Dorothy Clarke Wilson,^[6] the 1859 novel Pillar of Fire by J. H. Ingraham,^[7] the 1937 novel On Eagle's Wings by A. E. Southon,^[8] and the Book of Exodus, found in the Bible. The Ten Commandments dramatizes the biblical story of the life of Moses, an adopted Egyptian prince who becomes the deliverer of his real brethren, the enslaved Hebrews, and thereafter leads the Exodus to Mount Sinai, where he receives, from God, the Ten Commandments. The film stars Charlton Heston in the lead role, Yul Brynner as Rameses, Anne Baxter as Nefretiri, Edward G. Robinson as Dathan, Yvonne De Carlo as Zipporah, Debra Paget as Lilia, and John Derek as Joshua; and features Sir Cedric Hardwicke as Seti I, Nina Foch as Bithiah, Martha Scott as Yochabel, Judith Anderson as Memnet, and Vincent Price as Baka, among others.^[5]

Why am I sharing the above? I am sharing how my childhood years were influenced by  great events especially in the movie theaters. I am considered by my peers in the past as a talented artist and I believe that my upbringing has a great influence upon my creative energy, I was born an artist, a highly creative spirit that was exposed to every extreme circumstances and events that the result is what is presently making these entries. I was born a twin, sharing our mother's womb, I was born alongside my shadow, my mirror image, mine nemesis! As I have been to him all our lives. Through no one person's fault but that which has been written playing itself out, Call it Destiny, call it karma, call it by the Divine Grace, call it what you may, From the moment I was saved from my mother's womb, I was destined to play a pivotal role laid out for me in this life. I will have my Lion's Roar and Dharma Spinning moments in my heart and in my mind, These are the stories told to me by the Sutras and the Scripture, by the Good Book and the Vedas. I am honoring my dharma position as to who I am or stand to beat the present moment is as such and Such Is! One of the Movies that had a strong impact on me was Al Pacino's ,"And Justice for All!" Marlon Brando's depiction of the God Father was another landmark classic in moviedom as far as I was concern. Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto" was gripping and took me down the road to hell in the jungle. No t real but close to what reality can be all up to the imagination.

Akira Kurosawa's Black and White Samurai movies will always throw me into the realms of my shadow warrior, where I walk in the shadows, where light meets darkness and the transition in between. Each shot taken was a stroke of genius in composition and presence/gripping and it lingers with you for a long time...like the 'Dark Knight Rising', Akira Kurosawa captured Light and Shadows in his movies like no other. I may be slightly biased in the matter as I love to work with black and white albeit in water color or acrylic and I love printmaking where I have to create from the reverse side of light and darkness. Most printmaking process like etching or mono-print, intaglio or woodcut, demands or trains the mind to create from a reverse perspective like working white on black. This is said in studies to disrupt the human creative mind and shake it a bit before making a print; its the right brain left brain thing where creativity is manifested and imagination set free. I like to exaggerate sometimes i know, but I really can't say enough when it comes to self education. You got to know yourself ! They say and i believe them and am on my way to find out, have been and will always be...and live and learn and then you die! So live with the awareness that I am walking side by side with my shadow, still! Sometimes I am dark and sometimes lighter, to take the Middle Path has been my Practice, although easier said than done! This ego has very deep rooted karmas and they need to be uprooted and set free, dispersed into the four winds. But I would like to let it be known that I am fully aware of my past in light or darkness and have fully surrendered to my Lord and Creator for His Mercy and Clemency! For He is Oft Forgiving Lord of Mercy and Forgiveness, Ar Ghafoor ur Rohim! I submit my soul and spirit to this in faith and surrender. Ameen!   

                                                                 They will have to Jazz it!

  

 

  

Me and my Shadow - Update Version

 I am not apologizing if i start to sound radical or political in my perspective of looking at my life, it is in the sharing of my thoughts and feelings about my life that i am beginning to understand if not accept my humble place in the scheme of things happening around me affecting my fellow friends and relatives and i feel responsible to sound it out. I am going to start shouting it out from the top of the Mountain, "To let my people Go!"  I am operating at a higher frequency from a different if not elevated Dharma Position! I am dancing to a different rhythm and my heartbeat has shifted to a more slower rate to ride this wild horse of a spiritual awakening, if i can for the sake of sharing; I am shifting my gears and spinning my wheels at a different rate not known yet the significance or where it will lead me; not paying attention but conscious. aware and filing it all away as mental formations of the past, present and future steps to b taken; I have walked my path and it has been a pathless path; thank you Alan Watts, my Guru, my Mentor, my Friend. The day I stumbled upon your book, "The Way of Zen, " I was hooked! I picked it off the shelf while I was shelving back books at the UWGB Library where I was doing my work study job at the University in Green Bay., Wisc. It found me off course! It was there sometime in 1978 -80, cannot remember but after having read and absorbed the crazy/wisdom hidden within I found myself 'on the road to find out!' Your thoughts and intuitive wisdom set me a trajectory where i started my journey. homeward bound, " Home! where my thoughts are escaping, where my music playing... where my Love lies silently for you."

Danny Haiphong and George Galloway have declared that WW3 is imminent and that the rest of the world should be prepared for the worse, at the very least become aware and send a prayer for PEACE AND hARMONY! If we don't do it for ourselves do it for our children, look at what can happen to them as is happening in the Gaza Strip! Yes i have seen enough images and horrifying scenes that I am comfortably numb with sorrow deep in my heart, but' I will have to keep on movin' oh yeah cause life keep on changin' Oh Yeah!' But I will not pretend that I am detached from making any comments over these issue that are killing us humans! Where is our humanity? How can we live valuing life at the cost of a bullet in the rifle of a sniper and in the hands of an expert trained to kill with no mercy even at children as they run about in wild fear of what is going on around them, imagine the head of this young child being taken off by one squeeze of a finger. Halleluiah! Kawabanga! YiipeeKa yeaaa! Mother fucker! and somewhere else a child is born. Where is the meaning in all these? I keep hammering my head over this and I only can come up with a nagging headache and a chest pain. So I keep on writing  as the witness, the one who records what is happening within and without.

Making my Blog entry while listening to a  Good Vibes Binaural Beats on YouTube it not a good way to make a living for sure but its all I have for the time being, i cannot and should not complain. I think God despise all those who like to moan and groan, complain, complain, complain! I would too! and i am guilty of it just the same. I cannot predict that there would be no more complains in the future but i know that i will keep on trying to be satisfied  with what I already have; I will not know what to do if i am blessed with too much! Thank You Lord! Alhamdullilah Ya Rab! I am your humble servant, I am one of your witnesses of myself and the rest of the Whole, I choose to make it the essence of my way, the Art of Living. To live a balanced life and one that reaches out far beyond it reach and taking on the suffering of the Universe as the my Practice, my Sadhana! My karma Yoga, my Amal Jariah, good services in His Name! This is Karma Yoga, I think, don't quote me I can be wrong; I am no mystique nor a yogi, I am who I am, who I am destined to be and who walks the path of Self- Salvation or keeping my own Ass covered from harm. No one on this planet will be willing to cover your Ass like you would so learn to how and know why.

When you cling on to a dream for too long it will eventually turn into a nightmare, sooner or later you will be climbing the walls to free yourself from the clutches of mental formations. Being who you are you will keep on entertaining each and every nightmare until it turns into a dream once more. Seeing with Right Understanding eyes, I am becoming more conscious of what is Real and what is Not Real, simple as it may seems it is not an easy job to follow. The shadow or my ego is no ordinary entity that can be swept under the rug, For so long as I seek the Light, my shadow will be attached to me, I have to stop seeking and accept the light, become enlightened. Open my heart and open my mind towards what is laid before me and become aware that the All that is before me is the All that is within me! I keep regurgitating the food I ate since my childhood days especially after eating meat, my sisters would cringe when they catch me still  chewing my meals an hour later. They can tell that I was enjoying it tasting my beef for the send or third time after it had been mixed with the rest of the meal; it's a gift! disgusting to most but a gift none the less.no better than a cow laying in the grass and chewing the regurgitation of grass curd from it belly, they have this contented look about them! Camels too! and people like me.

So I have confessed yet another idiosyncrasy i have in case you are looking for a flaw in my character as a man. But I have much more positive and productive nature in me too. Just to keep the balance so that I am not easily swayed this way or another even if in essence there is really no comparison to be made as both positive and negative are the flip side of the coin, no light no darkness, a simplest equation that holds the fabric of my existence and I have no interest in trying to comprehend its essence; how can we claim to be omnipotent! Free from the clutch of maya, from the trap of delusion and illusion, how, what does it take? How does one remove the stains of Ignorance from the soul? What does it take to heal a splintered soul? I can only step back and stop asking and start fulfilling, acting, making it happen, manifest my intentions, making it happen! Like I am doing now. What else is there to do other than entertain myself with telling my stories making it more interesting every time I tell even if is the same old story. It is the healing property of keeping and ongoing journal of oneself; a gift of the healing process of the soul from being lost and confused to that of an awareness and awakening. 

Kun FayaKun!  He says, Be!  and It Is. this is the Omnipotent Power of Allah sw.t. It is written in the Surah Yasin at the end somewhere. It says it all about the All Mighty Lord of Power, take it or leave it! Omniscience, endowed with absolute knowledge of all there was, is and will ever be and Omnipresent, the ability to be everywhere and anywhere at all times and being here in the present moment, all at the same time; He is the very air we breath in and the very shoes we walk in, He is simply wishes to see and be seen by His own Creations. I am but a servant a witness of this event happening before me minute by minute and day by bay and breath for breath. My Lord walks by my side and I walk with Him, His hand in mine headed for the fisherman's market. I am the happiest Soul in the Universe; me and my Shadow!

                                                                  Me and my Shadow!
  

 

 

    

 

Oh What a Day! ...and its only the beginning they said.

 "The Absolute Game Changer Top Astrologer reveals 1- in- 26,000 Year Cosmic Awakening!

Amrit Sandhu 

Had a great day today hanging out with Ben and Eric at Eric's Apartment on the 18 floor of the 'Penang Twin Towers' overlooking the Penang Bridge and the whole Panoramic view of the Channel or Seberang Prai, Butterworth skyline and the calm sea and clear blue and white cloud skies. This is my Georgetown, Penang, my home, tanah tumpah darah ku! The Island where my Grandparents were forced to ... One does tend get emotional and have suppressed anger of what has become of my Small Island and a little bit off the Mainland called Butterworth or Province Wellesley, This! My Home! It is sad but what to do? Too old to be bothered really can only talk, too little too late, look at what they have done to my land Ma! Look at me I said to them, with earphones stuck to my ears listening to continuous binaural sound vibrations that is supposed to help upgrade my neural preceptors like my seven chakras systematic awakening due to these electromagnetic sound waves coursing through you mind re arranging all your cells according to the directions as the motion of the waves flowing from one direction to another :- Synchronicity. What else is there worth doing in this remaining years of my life? What legacy would i leave behind that is worth for the younger generation who will inherit this small piece of what old farts of my generation is leaving behind; must we keep on building higher till there is no more room up there! 

                                          "But tell me, How Do the Children Play! - Cat Stevens

Some calls it the "Penang Twin Towers" and located at the entrance to the Island from the Mainland via the Penang Bridge -1. From the 18th. Floor window i was mesmerized by what I saw of the changes being imposed upon this small piece of an island.  Land Reclamation projects from left to right in the foreground. It is sad but who am I to say what i truly feel of the developers and political movers and shakers who makes it their will to shit and shape this island as the see fit and everyone involves make a healthy hefty penny out of it. Who truly owns these apartments? You do not want to venture to find out cause it will open cans of worms from top to bottom they will run for the hills. Old farts like me do i have the energy anymore to shake the hornets nests or put my mouth where my foot should be. 

                                       You want to live up there?! My God! Why?! I would!

Yeah why not! I would love to live up one of those apartment where no one can touch you but the birds and even then why would they? There up there in the sky i can sit and meditate all day long, looking at my mind until I start looking at it as a monkey; they call it the Monkey Mind! Are you with me or have you left the train at the last station? No matter, whatever! This is one hell of a place to hang out in but not to live in. Thanks Eric Taylor, You! my Main man! For the experience that i will never forget.

                                                   Its called, "The Art of Living " And if you ask me the Name of the Game ,Boy! We call ride the Gravy Train..." Yes Illusion is as Illusions comes but in the mean time I make my own life just the way i deserve to. The Australian and the New Zealander. The Seeker of Shipwrecks and broken plates buried in the sand of time and water and turn them into pendants and rings soon to become master craftsman in jewelry like my late father was. And then there's the New Zealander Professional Photographer from  New Zealand and me...who am I?

And we call the place, "The Last Resort!" A Retreat for the Tired of Living and the Young Boys. It will be our port on the east Coast as close to Kapas Island as possible! People interested can join in financial support to help run the place, get it to be decent enough to check in for the night for those from the West Coast just like what was done at Awie's Yellow House on the banks of Pulau Duyong in the the Terengganu River. Now that Awie is gone the Atap huts built on stilts for chalets a place where seasoned travelers from all over the world used to stop by for a week or two, when Awie was around. But I think the place has to be called the Last Resort. We can start small, like real small rent an kampung house by the sea not too far from Marang and Kapas! They do make good chicken chop here! What;s the name of the place again?

Shoulder of Lamb! in the foreground! Mine! Thanks Guys and Happy New Year to you too! Eugene! Now I have found the next place for my lamb chops other that The Tulang Corner in Tanjung To Kong, The Glass House at Hin Bus and Now this elegant quiet corner at USM next to the Museum and Gallery Tuanku Fauziah is where we will hang out every chance we get! We will make it a part of our - Art of Living. What the hell is the name of this place!? 

And Look who I ran into at the Museum! My Hero Mr. Lee!

A Gathering of Creative Spirit to set up a new beginning. I hope they Can Make It Happen. A sign of a Positive Beginning for the the Museum in setting it future course of action. Unless they were discussing about how keep it as creatively alive as its former Director had set out to accomplish. This is and will always be one of the Center for the Arts and Culture in the State.

" and the Show must go onnn...!"  
 

I Am ready for 2025 - Its my Hijrah to the East Coast.

If the external image is a reflection of what the inner state of consciousness is like, then I feel that on this first day of 2025, I am not doing too bad. The sea was mirrorlike, and there were the songs of birds in the air and I felt at home with my long-time friends here.
 

This is where i have been coming to whenever i needed to chill and today, on the first of January 2025, I was not disappointed as the sea was like a mirror reflecting the skies. If this be any indication of what may lay ahead for me in the upcoming year, then I look forward to it and if not I still look forward to it. I feel deep inside that whatever lay in store for me the coming months will be an exciting and challenging one as I intend to make it so. At my age i got very little to lose and whatever it may be it does not really matter anymore for i feel I have done my share of living.

This location is about a mile away from where i was born sometime in 1949 and back then there was none of these houses as these were built as extension from reclaimed land. The low hill in the back ground you see is actually a landfill that extends into the sea. This is the Malay Fisherman's Jetty which is located off the Lim Chong Eu or Jelutong Highway. The whole area will soon disappear to make way for whatever the developers have in mind. The pylons sticking out of the water, you see were once stilts that held up small huts for the fishermen to store their gears.  

As I have quite often posted in the Blog in the past of this same sight, this will always remain in my memory of the time I spent here hanging out with my Malay friends, fishermen and fisher of men alike. I feel very fortunate to have been accepted as a member of the community for the past twelve to fifteen years give or take. This place keeps reminding me of the impermanence of life and as a matter of fact a few of my friends here have left life for good.

Of late i have not been frequenting this space as often as I  used to and I feel the gradual detachment happening for sometime now realizing that i am in the process of saying farewell to this power house of a space that have been one of my spiritual retreat while facing the course of my daily existence living in this City of Georgetown, Penang. This Malay Fishermen's Jetty as i call it has been like what Green Gulch Farm was while i was living in the San Francisco Bay Area. or living in Sandpoint, Alaska in the Aleutian Chain off Anchorage, Ak. or while living in the hundred year old farmhouse on Humboldt Road, Green Bay, Wisconsin. Wherever i had lived i found myself frequenting one particular spot and doing my practice of meditation and contemplation, although in the past I did not realize what i was doing other than just getting away from the mainstream humdrum of life. As i have often mentioned, the Devil is in the details and I can relate the details of my experiences in these places and how they have helped to awaken my mind towards self discovery.

Now I am in the process of making yet another transition from living here in Georgetown to the East  Coast and am saying goodbye in the form of detachment from my friends, relatives and activities here which have taken place over ten years since my children and I settled down here after the departure of my late wife to the US. It is time to make the Hijrah as the Muslim would call it from one location to another in order to upgrade one's situation albeit physical or spiritual. This move is happening one way or another and I see nothing that will stand in my way as I feel deeply that it is time and needs to happen no matter what it takes. So, 2025 begins with this resolution and with my Lord's Will and Blessings I am already making preparations for this event in my life.  

In the stillness of the ocean I found the truth that I do not belong in one place but everywhere.

 

Rest in Peace - Happy New Year.

 "I am open to receiving my miracles in the next 48 hours. I trust the Universe to Guide me and I embrace all the synchronicities nudges and doors that will lead me there." -Infinite Wisdom/You Tube.

I am seriously taking this step towards my next phase of the journey my life has taken for better or for worse and on this new Year's Eve I declare my profess to embark upon a new course of my journey which is aimed at living on the East Coast state of Terengganu where I will take my spiritual level to a higher frequency and stamp my faith in Islam by making it my final study to wrap up my presence on this planet. It is my intention to die a full fledged Muslim cleansed of all my sins and transgressions and InshaAllah I hope to find a place and a Teacher that will guide me on this course. In the process of accomplishing this intent I will also find a place where i can teach Albeit Art or the English language or both together to children and adult. I intend to also if possible open my own studio whereby I can entertain fellow artists and any one else who seek my company to chat about life over a teh tarik or coffee. It is a good time to take myself to the road again so I can have something to write about as a conclusion to this Blog.

It is not like i woke up yesterday and decided to take on this course of action, no as the Blog is  has been implying, I have made the decision for a long time now but am waiting for the right time when all is laid in the right direction and no catch or snag where the children are concern. I have done my best to keep both my son and daughter in good form where their life and careers are concern for the past eight years. I still remember looking into my late wife's sad eyes at the KLIA departure lounge and making her the promise that I will take care of the two of our children and that was the last time I saw my wife as all three of them left for Illinois in the United States where she went home to be healed from her Alzheimer's or Rapid Dementia and where she passed away in 2009. My two children who were then 12 and 13 years old had accompanied their mother all the way to the US as I was not able to follow because of the 911 incident which stopped all travels to the US by foreigners. It was one of the most difficult days of my life and all I could do was surrender to the will of my Lord to help me not come apart from fear and despair. Thank you Lord for now both my children have grown up into very intelligent and productive individuals that I am proud of. I have no worries of leaving them to fulfill my intention and as a matter of fact i have their support to do so.  

  I have Fulfilled my promise to you to raise our children in your absence. I now say farewell my Love.

                                      On looking at them now I must say I did not do too bad.

This Blog written over the years is dedicated to my late Wife Nancy Buss Bahari who passed away in a Hospice in Illinois after suffering from Alzheimer's at the age of 49. Nancy Buss Bahari or her Muslim name Nursyamila Bt. Abdullah was a very warm hearted and kind person who rarely showed anger towards others no matter the circumstances. She was an adopted child and had spent much of her time that I knew of seeking for her real mother but failed to do so. She graduated from the University of Illinoi at Carbondale with a Master's Degree in Linguistics. She lived in Japan for a total of more than ten years where she taught English as well as Japanese later in Malaysia. She was loved by all of her students who mostly were foreign students who studied ESL under her. 

I used to have to care for 24 cats cause she loved them.

I met my wife, Nancy at 191, Haight Street in San Francisco. She was living with eight other people in a large Georgian Building and my close friend David Carlson was one of them. I remember at the time workingas  Produce Buyer for Del Tomasso and i was living in the Mission District where the Unemployment Office was located in what was formerly a Sears Roebuck Department Store. It was in this Building that I experienced the Loma Prierta Earthquake of 1989. 

We were married at Green Gulch Zen Community in Marin County, California with a Buddhist ceremony officiated by the then Abbot of the Zen Center Blanch Hartman. My wife delivered our son Karim ten days after our wedding!

 

Nancy, Alma and Randy Buss

                                                  She was well Loved wherever she was.

Having a heart to heart pow wow with the Navajo Chief. Tim Mosquida.

                                              She was a beautiful Lady who had a hard life.

                      Rest in Peace and May Allah Bless and keep You among the Faithful

                            Our Wedding Day at Green Gulch Farm, Sausalito, California.

                                                    HAPPY NEW YEAR -2025

My Personal Profile Over the Years.

 A Very Happy New Year to Me and mine! 2024 has been one long drag of a year with the infestation of war and famine everywhere and the weather spinning out of control claiming untold misery and loss of life. I pray that 2025 will reverse the whole process of decadence and revive peace and harmony for the Planet and humanity as a whole. I hope and pray that change for the better will take effect bringing solace and recuperation where pain and suffering has been making life unbearable for those especially those affected by conflicts and wars. I can only hope and pray however  with a genuine feeling of compassion towards my fellow man I am about to make a radical change in my life to better serve those who cross my path and in need of comfort and care. At my age I am aware that any physical effort would be limited however I feel strongly capable of sharing myself in the capacity of a mental and spiritual assistance for those who are seeking for answers in their lives. I am set upon making the next phase of my journey into 2025 spent among strangers and help those who happen to cross my path through sharing what is relevant of my life's experiences. I hope to open a class for children teaching Art in English like I had done before ex gratis or free of charge for needy kids. This is my intention in the upcoming year and I hope it will happen with the Blessings from on high.

I plan on moving to the East Coast state of Terengganu where I have friends and relatives and am familiar with the local culture and people. it is also my intention to remove myself from my present comfort zone of living with my two adult children who are now I trust more than capable of taking care of themselves. I am also moving away from the hustle of this city life and find a more sedate and tranquil environment to chill in my old age. Ideally I would like to run my own 'Ashram' or retreat where close friends and those looking for a temporary reprieve from their hectic life can find a place to hang out and chill their hearts mind and soul. A place where they can find a sympathetic ear to listen to their woes and a joker who can make them laugh at their own jokes. If possible i would also like to teach a kid or two a little Yoga and Martial Arts which I have experience of doing so in my life. If i can help to ease and heal a mind or two of the young and the old that crosses my path I will be more than satisfied to have accomplished an intention I have held as my life's purpose. As a friend in Alaska once wrote in my journal, "Sam, he is not a just a fisherman, he is a fisher of men." This was a complement I held with very high regard and had motivated me ever since to become a teacher of life or as I have called, "The Art of Living." 

                                  My Degree from the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay

Am I qualified to carry out such a task? Let me try to outline my lifetime career ever since I left the secondary school in Terengganu. My first employment was an English language Tutor to the Royal household of the Sultan of Terengganu. The I was working as a medical assistant for an American doctor who was doing a medical research in the rural areas of Ulu Terengganu in the Kuala Brang area and there were five or six villages that we visited and today these villages are under the Kenyir Dam. My second job was as a Radio Operator working for a British Helicopter CO. called Bristow Helicopters out of Surrey, England. The company located close to the Telaga Batin airport was serving the Esso -Continental Oil Operations searching for oil off the coast of Terenggnau and this was before Petronas came into the picture. I later joined the drilling vessel Discoverer 2 as a Roughneck and had a good taste of what hard work and racial prejudice was all about. I then moved to Georgetown, Penang my hometown where i had a job as an Assistant Sales Executive for a Dutch company, Hagermeyer Trdg. Co. that handled products like NIVICO, Matsushita, Christian Dior, I was one of two Malays at the time hired by the company on demand by the Malaysian government that at least a percent of Malays had to be hired. Here again I had a great exposure to what racism was all about when working in a predominantly Chinese environment.

                                 Some of my trainings in the course of my past careers.

At the age of twenty five I married and American lady and relocated to Green Bay, Wisconsin where my first employment was a Bar Cleaner at a Tavern called Farr's Grove in Duck Creek, Brown County, Green Bay. I believe i was the first colored guy that most of the residents of Duck Creek ever met. Later i was hired to become a sweeper and cleaner at Lambeau Field, Home of the Green Bay Packers, picking up paper cups and hot dog wrappers by the bag loads was hard work after every packer game especially during the winter months. I then was employed by Green Bay Meats and Cold Storage as a boner. I became good at separating bones from meat after working for three years in the cold slaughter houses in green Bay and later in Milwaukee. After having a nervous breakdown and loosing my wife and son through a divorce, I was accepted to join the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay. I graduated from the University with a Bachelor's degree that I designed of my own called Independent Studies. While a student I worked as a librarian and a Security Guard to survive. It took me ten years to pay back my student loan and I did. Soon after graduation from college i moved to Sandpoint, Alaska, located somewhere in the Aleutian Chains where I did some commercial fishing in the Bering Sea of the Pacific Northwest. I discovered that in the rough seas I was prone to seasickness, however I earned more selling my artworks to survive. 

I moved to San Francisco sometime in 1983-4 and decided to join the Zen Buddhist community there and my first job there was through my Zen Instructor who got me working for an Englishman renovating office buildings, including installations of Tellar machines. I gained good experience working on this job which took me all over the Bay Area. I then joined the Zen community at green Gulch Farm, in the Sausalito area of Marin County. I became a Zen student and for my food and lodging I was employed working the organic farm which help4d to sustain the G.G.Farm. I stayed at the farm for almost two years doing odd jobs while doing my Zen Buddhist practice. When I left the Monastery I was employed by H&H Ship and Environmental Services which was located on China Basin, on the SF water front. From a sweeper I worked myself up to become the Yard Superintendent in charge of the Underground Cleaning and Disposal Facility. in SF I also worked as a Produce Buyer for a company called Del Tomasso and my job was to purchase produce from the SF Produce Market which operates from Midnight till the next morning and deliver it to a Mall across the Bay. For a spell i was selling Temporary Tattoos at the Shoreline Amphitheater during the live concerts there. Later in 1991 onwards i became a Baby sitter taking care of my two toddlers aged 1 and 2 while their mother worked. I chose to do so for the children's sake as i did not want to have someone else raise my kids. My eldest son from my first marriage declared to me that his friend told him that what i was doing was the hardest job a man can take on and i agreed.

Sometime in 1995 my late wife got a job teach ESL in Sendai, Japan and so we moved to Japan where i continued to Babysit while my wife worked. In Sendai I did some of my best Artworks and had six solo art exhibitions including one at the Miyagi Museum of Fine Arts where I spent most of my free time when not babysitting. I was employed as an Art Lecturer by a Japanese Prep School for a semester and got to have a good experience of working in Japan. Sometime in 1988 I decided to move my family back to Malaysia where my late wife was employed as a lecturer at KUSZA in Kuala Terenggnau and I was employed as  Health and Safety Officer in Kerteh and later in Gebeng, Pahang working on a Petronas refinery facility. I worked for three different companies beginning with Ibai Bina Sdn. Bhd., followed by Van Seumerren Romstar and lastly by Autoblast industrial painting company. All three jobs demanded the ability to confront and discipline employees with regard to work safety it was a challenge of one's ability to communicate.

 

     

Homo Proponit,sed Deus Disponit - Man Porposes, God Disposes.

 They say that we create our own destiny and the Good Lord makes it happen or not; Homo Proponit, sed Deus Disponit. Man propose God dispose. We are His creation and He is our Creator. We prostrate and surrender before Him and He blesses us with Grace. "The Lord Is my Shepard and i shall not want." I am but a humble servant making my way towards His Seat of Power on my hands and knees and my palms clasped before me in reverence and subjugation before His Throne. On this Christmas Day I make my pledge to uphold all the commitments I have made contained in this Blog from the beginning till today. I shall perform my duty as a Bodhisattva and do my utmost to enrich and awaken my fellow man form suffering in the best possible that i can, with what possible energy i have left at my age. I shall lead the Path of How to Live through my stories and ideas and dreams, through my Artistic abilities and through my  Zen/Yogic and Subut/Sufi practices as i was taught by my Great teachers Gurus and Roshis, my Mentors and Friends. May Allah s.w.t. Bless them all in life and the Hereafter. As it is today a very Auspicious Day in Mankind's Collective Calendar, I raise my heart and soul before the All Mighty and place them at His feet; I now am fully surrendered, I am no more.

Removing the ego from the life equation is worse than pulling out your teeth. The ego is like the shadow that is with you day in and day out and has a very strong hold on your thoughts and imaginations, your desires and cravings, you are a product of your ego managing your life. The ego is not you. The ego is a byproduct of who you truly are, it is a result of your years of growing up from an infant into an aged old man under the influence of the environment/circumstances and the people around you most of which cannot be helped but does make and impact upon how you grow up and what you become. The egotistical person in the extreme is self serving and self centered making life a matter of survival and living a battle of the fittest. The egoic tendencies of an individual makes him/her very prone to greed, hate and ignorance in dealing with others and Love and Compassion are distant and foreign virtues almost forgotten. In many experiments done it has been observed that the more charitable people are those who do not have much themselves and the rich and well to do hold on tight to their purses. An egoic mind would rather hoard and hide what they have than share it with those who could use whatever they do not have the need for anymore, their garages are always stacked with collectables collecting dust. To the ego minded, enough is never enough and no one should own more than me. This is the world we live in today.

I have just pretty much described my self, my upbringing and my take on life as i was growing up into adulthood. I have described how i was a very angry and vengeful person and had no qualms about hurting anyone especially those who had shown me love and compassion. I was self absorbed and made it an effort to make sure that I become the center of attention by hook or by crook and how many lives have i wasted in the course of my relationships! How many hopes and dreams have I shattered getting to be where I am at; I am incorrigible as one of my close friend accused me of. I could go on lamenting but it is of no good now and a waste of time writing, but i have done enough reflections, soul searching and  have dwelled over the matter deeply over the last decade of my life and find that it is all a challenge in order to uproot my egotistical tendencies once and for all. To attain spiritual maturity ego has no place in one's heart. To remove the ego from my life's equation is easier said than done; it is the Jihad as the Prophet of Allah, {Pbuh}, is said to have said. It is a spiritual battle that must be won if complete Spiritual Awakening is to happen. Are you willing to chop off your arm in order that you may be free from this worldly attachments? Would you be willing to give up the unreal for the real, the impermanent for the eternal and everlasting? 

Regrets will be buried with me when i die and beyond that who knows what retribution lay in store for one whose life had been one long series of errors and miscalculations. Whose actions stemmed out of anger and often despair. All that i have thus far recant, renounced, foreswear put behind me and I have fully surrendered unto the Lord for His evaluation and judgement. In the meantime I am fully committed to seeking forgiveness and undo what i have done in the form of servitude towards the Universe. This will be the end of my looking back and lamenting my past transgressions for 2025 will be a year i look forward towards reclaiming my true being, who I truly am without any regrets or self mortification. At the end of the day, all these too will pass. What is truly left is a legacy of emptiness like bleached bones left in the sand gradually being eroded by the wind until nothing is left but sand. This is impermanence, one of the cause of human suffering and the sooner one awaken to the realization of this illness that shapes our destiny the better prepared we can be in facing life's challenges. Letting go is the antidote to this kind of ailment and it can be achieved over time with resilience and determination.

We can live life with blind faith or we can live life as an experiment making certain that every action, every thoughts and justification are ways and means to understand what is right or wrong, what is temporal and what is eternal, what is truly you and what is mere illusion. The Lord of Creation, The Lord of Mercy and Compassion, will be our guide at every junction and corners of our journey if only we listen and call out to Him for guidance for He is our 'Shadow'; He has walked beside us thought thick and thin and even when we are blind to this Devine attribute that is our birthright and turn our shadow into a negative energy that we recoil in fear because of our ignorance; ignorance is another cause of human suffering. Ignorance is the refusal to learn the truth of the nature of our existence as most of us live merely to survive dominated by greed, hate and ignorance. To counter this habitual tendencies we have to live with Love and Compassion within and without, towards ourselves and towards others. Perhaps we do write our own destiny as we mature and come to a realization of our fate perhaps able to answer the simple questions we have been asking ourselves, who am I, why am I here, what is my role in all these? At the end of the day that which we have held above all else in our heart of hearts is the final destination and goal of our quest. How far or near we are towards a complete realization of our destiny is in His hands.