And a new year begin according to the Muslim calendar and here we are on the morning of Aidil Fitri, Hari Raya Puasa, listening to some unheard of language from the music of Cafe de Anatolia, this where I at 4 in the morning am writing notes to myself of what had happened, what is going to happen and what on this morning of the Aidil Adzhar where MUslims all over the planet celiberate in the worship of the One True Lord of Mercy and Compassion, Allah Subahanahu Wataala, Lord of the Universe; there no God, only Allah! and Muhammad is His Messenger. My prayers goes out to all those who are suffering in any form of discomfort or pain, to all those on the run for their lives to escape wars and tyranny, my prayers goes out to those whose children cry of hunger to sleep tonight wherever they be, may they find peace and comfort in their hearts even if for one day...my prayers goes out to the lost and confused, they who are oblivious to the fact that life is impermanent and that this realm of our existence, this physical, material realm of mental formations , the realm of Maya, the realm of illusions; only the Divine, Eternal, All Embracing Complete Consciousness is Permanent and Immortal, call it God in you may.
All except one of the kittens are sick, refusing to eat like they have stomach flu or have been poisoned from eating one of the plants outside. I try to remain detached from being sucked into feeling sad or helpless as I see then growing skinnier by the day and listless. It must be hard on my daughter who adores every one of them and spends much money and attention on their well being. Yes I am still working out my 'cat karma' from the past, still cleaning cat poop and pee and cat buff. But I am beginning to also feel the anguish and the helplessness of Furby, the female mama cat as she look at me wishing there is something I could do to save her kittens. This morning she growled and scratched my hand out of the blue, while I was patting her which she never did before and I felt the anger in her accusing me it is all my fault. Perhaps it is, perhaps it was a mistake to have brought her home to begin with, perhaps, perhaps...letting go is never easy no matter the cause or the reason especially when you have grown attached to the feeling of love for something or someone. It is when the Love feeling becomes an obsession, a need, that is when the trouble begins. As Bob Marley sang out, "Every need has an ego to feed!" From wanting, desiring, from clinging wanting more, (out of life); desire is the cause of suffering, Shakyamuni Budha had expounded and if we look into each and every religion, the same truth is being shared.
How to detach yourself from your actions, how to not become, attached or identified with the whole process of doing something, like lifting a cup to have a drink; how to simply become action. There is not actor, nor percipience, no shadow or witness to the act; the sense of 'you', cease to exist. Call it what you may, personality, ego, human being...nada! not a trace of the doer!...Buddha on His last Breath uttered, it is said," I, Am No more! Even the 'Self' is becomes void.
" Ma, take this badge off of mee...
I cant' use it anymore, it's getting dark too dark for me to see..ITaking a stroll on. feel like I;m knocking on heVEN'S DOOR...knock knock knockin on heaven;s door..."
Remember the song? My son just played it out loud on his consol, it took mto a whole new dimension of past nostalgic thoughts and memories; I was a devotee of Bob Dylan at one time in my life...and now the call for the Maghrib prayer is in the air from two different sources, one is the State Mosque on Jalan Ayer Hitam...and Dylan floats away from my mind... thoughts comes and goes like clouds in an empty sky, most of the time according to what triggers them into coming into being and what makes them float away. Clouds are the impermanent feature of a vast empty space of a blue sky. Where clouds are mental formations, the blue sky is consciousness itself. We are being lured into believing that the clouds are the real manifestation of who we truly are and thus we are said to live in a world of Maya or illusions. a world of fleeting clouds; the unreal.
Om, Asato Ma Sadgamaya
Om, deliver us from the Unreal to the Real.
From ignorance lead me to truth.
Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya,
May the Light of Wisdom remove the darkness of ignorance.
Amrutham Gamaya,
From Death lead me to Immortality.
Pavamana Mantra.
To remove the clouds of ignorance from our mental formations we need to learn to seek the 'silence of the mind'...in short learn to meditate, learn to become quiet inside and out. learn to become at peace within and without, well balnced with complete acceptance of whatever happens...right and wrong is a sickness of the mind, the Buddha is said to have said some 2600 years ago. To learn to become at one with, body, mind and spirit all in precise alignment and well balanced four physical elements that primarily constructs the human form. Earth, wind, fire and water...and consciousness. It is to slowly become aware the nature of being itself, how far or how near, how closed am I to my own divine consciousness, my Atman ...who am I? What is the real? What is the false? How do I keep being on track in making my concious choices so that I do not sway too far to one side or the other and cause a discord in my psyche...how ell can I maintain the discipline in keeping my silence mind for good silenced.
This is my life study, has always been, this has been the focus of all my experiences and actions throughout my life; this is what it would take to be able to attain silence of the the mind; mind watching, I call it. Watch it rise, hanf around and disappear to be replace by another and another...watch what triggers it to arise and why I keep hanging on to it longer than most and what happened to it when I shift my thought process or change the channel in the middle of the program? How do I keep track of what arises and what falls and how do I make sense out of mosts the non-sense that arises in a moment, a day a year, a lifetime? Thoughts runs in a circular track often repeating itself with prercorded events and experiences, peaceful or traumatic encounters in the past, buried fears and shame all these will flow in a circular motion like record disc rotating on the player with a needle moving along each groove evoking the sound of music. There comes a time when I know what arises is just a replay or reset of the same sound being raised in my mind and learn to dismiss them without causing any attachment in the process. In other words I learn to let them go... letting go is never easy but it is one of the surest way to en-lighten your mind. ..after all what is enlightenment but to simply become light, not dark and heavy or grave-like.
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