Meditate on this...

 My trip to Alaska was accompanied by two worthwhile books to read along the way, one was called," at the Foothills of Georgia" or something like that by G.I.Gurdgief.  and the other was called the "Raja Yoga" by Swami Vivekananda. How I came by these is  another story,By this time I was steep into pursuing all there was to know about meditation, spirituality, religions and the inner workings of my being. I had just graduated from the University of Wisconsin at Gtreen Bay, (UWGB) and with no sense of what to do with myself on a whim decided to take a challenge to head out for Alaska on a one way ticket. I had by then been acquainted with the works of J. Krishnamurti and Alan Watts, the works of Philip Kapleau and Baba Ram Dass, I read Paramahamsa Yogananda and D.T. Suzuki and G.I. Gurdjief among others while working at the University library and so I was well on my way towards having some sense of what I was getting into as far as my spiritual quest was concern. Hence I made my meditation practice as the safety blanket that i carried around with me while embarking into the unknown territories of the West and  Alaska. By then, being in a state of meditation came naturally to me and I often drift away from the crowd to find a quiet spot to sit back and recoup. A small stream in the woods in Tenaway Valley in Cle Alum, Washington State, or a roadside rest area along the highway to Butte, Montana. I often found the peace and comfort within me after sitting quietly by myself and what was more important  was the ability to face all the trials and tribulations that laid before me on this arduous journey and as a matter of fact I often looked forward to what was in store for me instead of being afraid.

I was often asked if I was not scared of getting hurt or killed, being lost or too poor to keep myself alive while on my journey and my answer was always the same, I had given myself up to my Lord and whatever happen to me for better or worse was His doing and I accepting. The only fear I had was not fulfilling my unwritten destiny which often led me to go through life unplanned and often chaotic. My one big salvation was my faith was in the All Mighty to whom I had once in my teenage years out of sheer despair pointed my middle finger up at Him and screamed. F..k You! in the middle of night. It was after this sacrilegious act of defiance that I had let myself go and became short of demonic in my take on life. I knew back then that i was destined to roam the earth a sinner like, "The Wandering Jew". curse by Christ to live forever,never to taste death. When I left my home and country I felt like i was  self exiled, castrated from my own kind and vowed never to look back no matter the consequences and so I kept burning the bridges behind me and this exactly was my state of mind when I left Green Bay. Wisconsin for Sandpoint, Alaska and along with some cash I had managed to beg and scrounge around were the two books that I had on me: I was in my early thirties.

Being on the road, living life from the fringe, I finally began to realize was my meditation practice; I was like a suniasin a sadhu, a mendicant monk travelling from one point to another simply because it was what i had to do in order to stay sane if not attain to some form of spirituality for my wounded soul. The only difference being I set upon a journey on the dark side of my nature, I was an angry man most of my young adult life that had cost me my marriage and ending up loosing my only son back when. I took my anger upon all that I come into contact with, I began to start healing myself through all the different spiritual techniques that would help to become aware of who I truly am. For better or worse I'm waking up from the unreal into the lightness of the real. The anger and sorrow I felt all these years are what created the image that I came to believe of who I am suppose to be. Bit by bit , breath by breath I will keep on peeling away the layers of veils that is around me untill I find the source from where it all began; what greater challenge is there to give oneself while in this human form?

Meditate on This...  

#meditation # G.I.Gurdjief # sandpointalaska #greenbaywisconsin #yoganandaswami #alanwatts #d.t.suzuki