The Greater Jihad - The war Within.

When you listen to the ancient sound of the flute play in the wind with its tunes floating through the forest and valleys, don't you feel like you are Lord Krishna? With all the beautiful Gopis chasing after you and how you entertain them soothing their souls from the trappings of Mara the shadow. When asked the flute how it got to be so blessed that the Godhead blows His breath through its entire body and entertain this realm of Maya. The flute answered, "I am but a humble hollow reed and the Lord but blows his breath through me that He may entertain Himself while keeping an eye over existence itself." Life is a dance, a play, a performance with each and everyone of us has a role to play from our cradle to our grave, life is God's own masterpiece in His Creation, Life is God playing hide and seek with Himself, what else can God do being all by Himself; humanity is the Lord's killing fields and His garden of milk and honey, heaven and hell. Where I stand in the matter is that I am beginning to have a clear understanding of how far or how near I am to the truth, where what is real and what is unreal, what is eternal and what is with and ending, what is form and what is the formless in the true sense of the word understand is to my estimation. However,"The show must go on" as the lyric goes in one of Pink Floyd's songs,and for so long as I am breathing in and out this particular show will go on, in its own time and space; we each play our own roles and make a movie happen collectively.

More and more talks of the planet we are living in is sick and needs to be healed including it inhabitants especially humanity and more and like minded people are getting together the spiritual nature of this our spiritual growth sustainably alongside that of our material to have a strong check and balance over what is and what s not permissible in the code of humanity dictum. I feel we have to come completely out of our shell instead of just sneaking our necks out when it is safe out there; To pull our heads out of the sand and pay greater attention of what is going on around us, how we are self destructing ourselves along with the rest of this our home. We are self fulfilling creatures, mankind,we love the tragedy, we are proud of our history and make it into great movies.  we are a collective part of the whole scene, each doing our own thing, minding our own business and and we live or call it living our days out making a mark here and there and call it a legacy; tragedy is our most favorite and common theme that we as humans like to write about, brag about, sing about, tell our grandchildren about; where was I during the Second World War? or where was I on the day 13th.of May 1969? Where were you living during the COVID19 pandemic? 

The Prophet of Allah, (pbu), is said to have said that mankind has to fight two wars and this second war is his greater Jihad, the Jihad against your own Nafs or ego, your shadow, your darker nature your anger, your pain, your sorrows will all be used against you by your ego; the ego will not and cannot be removed quite as easily as it is an entity that I myself has created over the years or throughout my life. Th ego is who I think myself into being who I am, believing that I am this physical form and that this dual thinking mind is who I am;  Someone said once that to be a great artist or at anything for that matter a small amount of egocentric is needed. One who without an ego is one that is walking this earth in limbo, between heaven and hell, light and darkness, sky and earth, That there may be saints or even Prophets, the perfect man, AlInsan Kamil, is one in a few thousand years, perhaps in the next Yuga when the age of our evolution as a specie on this Planet or in this realm and dimension will take a turn for better or worse; we have to fall upon the spiritual teachings of the ages and find a common ground we all can stand on as a collective force in spirit. A very rare and purified diamond, a splinter of light that has been purified in hell's flames; an egoless man was the Buddha, Shakyamuni Gautama , the Historical Buddha; After countless eons legend has it that the  Buddha incarnated for the final round of experiencing life as a human being and find out the truth about the nature of life, death and rebirth; Why? This is the question that confronts the ego asks ultimately and will not cease to pursue for a truth that can explain where we stand as human beings on this Planet, or even if we deserve to be here after all the waste we have created in our wake...our human experience.

#lordkrishna,#buddhashakyamuni,#thegreaterjihad,#covid10

 

What is meditation in Action.

 The call to do some form of proper practice in meditation came to me one day in the print making studio at UWGB where the print making club members were busy polishing plate, keep watchful eyes on the acid bath, drawing fine likes on the copper plates.... I was standing bside an elderly member of the group a Mrs. Rossela Kelly, perhaps in her late sixties , we were both busy polishing our copper plates and she elbowed me and said out of the blue, Sam, I think it time for you to make a change!" Yes I believe so, Madame!" I replied without hesitation. My son, Dennis is being ordained a Zen Monk in New York and is planning on opening his own Center, why don't you go and join him." Two weeks or so later I was in Sausalito. San Francisco Bay Area helping Dennis to open his ZenYoga Center at Corte Madeira, Marin County, Ca. I can say that Dennis was my first Zen Instructor, friend and spiritual elder Brother. Despite what happened later in our relationship, I still hold him to be one of the best gift as a Guru, I could not ask for a better 'Nutcase', to crack my consciousness wide open when I needed it most. Dennis Junpo Kelly went on to become an abbot of his own Zen school, The Hollow Bones Zen. To me Dennis is one of those westerners worthy to wear the robes of a Rinzai Zen Master and teach the Way of Zen in the Rinzai Tradition.

Although for a very short time, I was initiated and became a member of the Zen community of the SF Bay Area by Dennis who coached me in the meditation as well as the 'Guirilla Yoga' techniques Ashtanga Yoga; Dennis was a student of B.K.S Iyengar. One can easily Google for more detailed information on this and will undoubtedly prove a useful knowledge. Dennis was at the time a very impressively built handsome man and commanded respect from all his peers. Having spent three years castrated at the San Quentin Federal Penitentary for drug related issues, upon his release chose the spiritual path which took him to India and Sri Lanka where he studied Yoga and meditation practices. He was a true self made man who took on life grabbing the bull by its horns and I was awed and inspired by his presence. 

One day while about to enter the Green Gulch Farm Zen Center Dennis turned to me and shouted out of the blue, "Bahari San! What is an imperturbable mind?" I was given my first Zen Koan to work with whether it was intentional or not and the question was imprinted into my consciousness till today. Whenever I thought of my first Zen Teacher these words comes into my mind and I would meditate on it as a subject to ponder upon and it has seen me through many a circumstances late in my life. Although we parted ways in the worse possible ways one can imagine, I still hold a high regard for my teacher and friend, who took me under his wings and set me on a course towards my own self liberation. He may not forgive me for what had transpired between us that involved his teacher, Eido Shimano Roshi, the only regret  I have is that I had lost a great opportunity to transcend my self deluded egocentric nature possibly if I had I stuck with Dennis in his quest to propagate Rinzai Zen in America...that is another story; but the Dharma works in mysterious ways too.

 It was at green Gulch Farm Zen Community that  was able to do my time as a Zen student for almost two years straight. It was there that I learned to sit and to listen, to heal and become in tune with others who had similar karmic debts like  did to work out. It was at Green Gulch that I discovered my unbounded Buddha Nature, my strength and weaknesses. It was here that I was able to pull myself out of the rut that I was in prior to my life in San Francisco; I owed the Zen community back then my life and forever am indebted to the Teachers and fellow students who I had the opportunity to work with. My gratitude goes out to my Teacher Paul Disco and Blanch Hartman, Ed Brown and several fellow brothers and sisters in the Zen community who were able to accept me despite the fact that I was incorrigible to begin with. Among these practitioners I learned about who I am and where my destiny lies; Gasho! 

"Meditation, if it is real, is an act of Love, of becoming Love, of the commitment to Be Love and to renounce the desire for Love and the objects upon which we project our Love and to make us proxies and substitutes for Love. We must accept no substitute...The first step in meditation is to become free from belief.

" - Sunyamurti Teaching @ Sat Yoga Ashram.

#greengulchzencommunity, #sunyamurtiteaching,#iyengaryoga,#rinzaizen,#satyogaashram, #meditation

  

    

Meditate on this...

 My trip to Alaska was accompanied by two worthwhile books to read along the way, one was called," at the Foothills of Georgia" or something like that by G.I.Gurdgief.  and the other was called the "Raja Yoga" by Swami Vivekananda. How I came by these is  another story,By this time I was steep into pursuing all there was to know about meditation, spirituality, religions and the inner workings of my being. I had just graduated from the University of Wisconsin at Gtreen Bay, (UWGB) and with no sense of what to do with myself on a whim decided to take a challenge to head out for Alaska on a one way ticket. I had by then been acquainted with the works of J. Krishnamurti and Alan Watts, the works of Philip Kapleau and Baba Ram Dass, I read Paramahamsa Yogananda and D.T. Suzuki and G.I. Gurdjief among others while working at the University library and so I was well on my way towards having some sense of what I was getting into as far as my spiritual quest was concern. Hence I made my meditation practice as the safety blanket that i carried around with me while embarking into the unknown territories of the West and  Alaska. By then, being in a state of meditation came naturally to me and I often drift away from the crowd to find a quiet spot to sit back and recoup. A small stream in the woods in Tenaway Valley in Cle Alum, Washington State, or a roadside rest area along the highway to Butte, Montana. I often found the peace and comfort within me after sitting quietly by myself and what was more important  was the ability to face all the trials and tribulations that laid before me on this arduous journey and as a matter of fact I often looked forward to what was in store for me instead of being afraid.

I was often asked if I was not scared of getting hurt or killed, being lost or too poor to keep myself alive while on my journey and my answer was always the same, I had given myself up to my Lord and whatever happen to me for better or worse was His doing and I accepting. The only fear I had was not fulfilling my unwritten destiny which often led me to go through life unplanned and often chaotic. My one big salvation was my faith was in the All Mighty to whom I had once in my teenage years out of sheer despair pointed my middle finger up at Him and screamed. F..k You! in the middle of night. It was after this sacrilegious act of defiance that I had let myself go and became short of demonic in my take on life. I knew back then that i was destined to roam the earth a sinner like, "The Wandering Jew". curse by Christ to live forever,never to taste death. When I left my home and country I felt like i was  self exiled, castrated from my own kind and vowed never to look back no matter the consequences and so I kept burning the bridges behind me and this exactly was my state of mind when I left Green Bay. Wisconsin for Sandpoint, Alaska and along with some cash I had managed to beg and scrounge around were the two books that I had on me: I was in my early thirties.

Being on the road, living life from the fringe, I finally began to realize was my meditation practice; I was like a suniasin a sadhu, a mendicant monk travelling from one point to another simply because it was what i had to do in order to stay sane if not attain to some form of spirituality for my wounded soul. The only difference being I set upon a journey on the dark side of my nature, I was an angry man most of my young adult life that had cost me my marriage and ending up loosing my only son back when. I took my anger upon all that I come into contact with, I began to start healing myself through all the different spiritual techniques that would help to become aware of who I truly am. For better or worse I'm waking up from the unreal into the lightness of the real. The anger and sorrow I felt all these years are what created the image that I came to believe of who I am suppose to be. Bit by bit , breath by breath I will keep on peeling away the layers of veils that is around me untill I find the source from where it all began; what greater challenge is there to give oneself while in this human form?

Meditate on This...  

#meditation # G.I.Gurdjief # sandpointalaska #greenbaywisconsin #yoganandaswami #alanwatts #d.t.suzuki

Let's get serious on meditation...part one.

     It takes sometime for the chattering mind to become silent, however it is not impossible and imperative that one be able to silence the incessantly busy mind before the actual or proper state of meditation can happen. This is purely my personal view from my own practice of Zazen or sitting meditation in the Soto Zen tradition of the Zen Patriarch  Dogen Zenji.

Dōgen Zenji, also known as Dōgen Kigen, Eihei Dōgen, Kōso Jōyō Daishi, or Busshō Dentō Kokushi, was a Japanese Buddhist priest, writer, poet, philosopher, and founder of the Sōtō school of Zen in Japan. Wikipedia

Although it is almost impossible to rid the mind of its habitual tendency to chatter, ramble and indulge it all manner of mental formation, it is of utmost importance that one find the space where the mind is silent and be able to observe whatever arise from this quiet space. it is like trying to fall asleep but not wanting to drop off into the sleep state instead to awaken to the fully awaken state of consciousness. What does one hope to achieve from this simple practice is relative to each individual and their own personal understanding. I personally have sought to find the peace and tranquility from my ever so busy and often negative and destructive  egoic mind. I suffer from having an egotistical mental state that has been the cause of many of my faults and failures in life. I also seek to find ways and means to have a good handle on my anger and my fear issues, my low self esteem and my lack of faith in the Divinity of my own being.

My introduction to meditation happened when I was fourteen when my father who was formerly a Buddhist from Sri Lanka before he married my mother and was converted to Islam, saw me sitting in a Yoga posture and told me to study Yoga and practice meditating. I took his advice and sat facing the South China Sea every chance I had staring at the horizon from the beach of the East Coast state of Terengganu. Later at the age of sixteen I joined the Malay martial arts of Silat Seni Gayung and was further encouraged to develop my sense of 'inner engineering' to develop a spiritual capacity for getting in touch with spirit guides that the art features. The art of ''Menurun" or "Peturun', was a form of spiritual trance that one gets into and be possessed by spirit guides or what we used to call spiritual buddies in the martial art. It was inadvertently a part of the martial arts practice to be able to bring the mind into a focus or quiet state to allow for the inner or subconscious being to manifest itself in every moves made while in combat.  In its purest form this state of mindless consciousness was developed and practiced by the Japanese Samurai warrior when using the Katana.

As a teenager growing up along the East Coast I was also very much into free diving in and around the islands off the coast collecting exotic sea shells a a hobby. Diving under water for a long period of time without using any Scuba equipment can be an awakening experience as one becomes lost in time and the mind forget that it was not breathing due to being attracted by the beauty of the corals and exotic fishes one can be lost in what divers called oxygen narcosis, or something to that effect. Although it is not as serious when free diving but one can still feel the change in ones state of mind like becoming intoxicated or high underwater. While in this state I found the mind the mind to be very quiet and deeply focused upon what was around me which was one of the reasons I loved free diving. I wouls tempt fate by hovering like an eagle just above a coral bed and lost myself in time just watching the corals and fishes around me. This was how I felt about beeing in a deep meditative state of consciousness where time and space is lost and only a state of being is present.

Yet later on in my life when I moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin and was exposed to the Wisconsin winter my state of consciousness took a new heightened state as the stark whiteness and the silence of the snow covered landscape posited my mind on deep freeze. Meditating in the cold snow covered landscape or sitting before a warm fireplace during the winter months took my meditation practice to a higher or deeper level as by now I found the literature and studies done on meditation from the University library at UWGB. The sense of awesomeness, of pure silence and stark whiteness and freezing cold that chills your bones of the winter landscape of Wisconsin was like being in a state of hibernation of body and mind. Sometimes I can be found sitting on a rock facing Lake Michigan stretching like a white field into the horizon where it was hard to tell where the sky meets the earth. Sometimes you can find me sitting at my window of the old farm house on Humboldt Road gazing at the stretch of corn field as far as the yes can see like a sea of undulating endless green in summer. When the colors of autumn leaves comes along I would find myself absorbed, mesmerized by the sea of colors that stretches from one end to the other as I stood viewing the fall leaves from the top of the Ski Ramp at Iron Mountain , Michigan, where my landlord, Leon P. Lodl and I would make a trip every weekend to work on an old church he had bought and was converting it to a ski lodge.

#zazenmeditation,#greenbaywisconsin,#uwgb,#ironmountainmichigan,#southchinasea,#dogenzenji

to be contd.

  

The Buddha goes Live .

   As the Lunar calendar of the Chinese New Year approaches I feel like my time has arrived to tear myself through the China house and shatter this illusion called 'My life' as the final act of defiance as an Ox born; I am going live on You Tube to tell my story. Yes I am evolving from my sketch book journals to my Blogging and now to videos exposing the lives and times of the Cheeseburger Buddha; the stubborn old fool who refuses to give up and fade away quietly into the night. No Sir, this bull of an ox has still got some steam left to kick up a storm among those whose minds are open and genuine enough to share the journey of one who has lived life according to his own rhythm and blues. The journey of self discovery, a journey set about since 1978 when I first decided to keep an ongoing journal/sketch book upon making a trip to England. My first journal after all these years is still with me to remind of my resolution to keep an ongoing journal of my life as an artist, a father, a husband, and the rest.

Telling it as it is with no holds barred except whne what i reveal might incriminate myself or harm others in any way, I will be as honest as I possibly can to share the truth of what it has been like and what it was all meant to be; my life, the quest to realize who I truly am beyond name and form. To share my strength and weaknesses, pleasures and sorrows, my spiritual growth and my decadence of spirit; how far or how near am I towards my self liberation from the cycle of life and death and rebirth as the Buddha had revealed. This has been a journey of self healing. a journey of unveiling of the broken or splintered spirit since the day I was born, an unwanted child given up for adoption and raised for twelve years of my child hood as a Buddhist in a Muslim household and community. This is my story, a story of pain and anger, shame and guilt growing up living on the periphery of life for fear of being abused and ridiculed; how I became a demon in my early years, I grew in to an adult life a very angry entity with a very low self esteem and destructive nature.

Try as hard as I could I still have problem discarding my deep rooted karmic past, my anger and psycho-emotional baggage have become so much a apart of me that I sometimes thought of ending my life prematurely which I attempted on two separate occasions in the past. These are my stories to be unveiled as they arise or if and when they arise accordingly as this is how my mind function or so I have observed over the years. I also realize that these episodes and dramas of my past experiences will continue on to haunt me until I can uproot them completely through self revelation or in short an open confession not before a priest or a psychiatrist but before humanity itself.

Having been converted to Islam at the age of twelve when I was returned to my parents to be raised as such on the the East Coast state of Terengganu, I accepted God as Allah and when I call out to Him in my darkest hours I always call out Ya Allah, Ya Rab, and my only prayer to Him is and has always been Astarghfirrullah al GhafurruRahim. I only sk for His mercy and Forgiveness as I know fully well what a sinner i have been throughout my life. However having been raised a Buddhist for twelve of my childhood years has an impact upon my faith and practice throughout my life and this have been one critical aspect of my lifelong journey, an issue I have been trying to bring to a conciliation and conclusion. 

Thus as stubborn as my nature is I shall keep on plodding towards understanding the whole nature of my existence or what makes me who I am. I put no blame upon others no matter what the circumstances mat be nor do I apologize for what I have committed as this is my journey and mine alone towards the seat of the Lord of Power to Whom I will answer all my transgressions as I present my final analysis, a final portfolio of this journey. But for the Love and grace of my Lord I would have definitely ended in an insane asylum or ended my own life prematurely for I had on any occasions stood on the precipice and stared into the emptiness before me with  a sense of loneliness and despair, often my journals and writings has been there as reminders for me of why I am who I am, my purpose if not responsibility of being on this life's highway.

"Beings are numberless, I vow to awaken with them.

Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them.

The Dharma Gates are boundless, I vow to enter them.

The Buddha's Way is unsurpassed I vow attain it."

Insha'Allah.

Fear - a poem by Khalil Gibran

It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to enter
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.