Is there or is there not - God?

 Yesterday evening I listened to a J.Krishnamurti talk on You Tube that someone had posted on Face Book on a group page called The Rascals Picnic. The video talk was about if God exist and if he, Krishnamurti believes in God. The talk was held in Madras, India sometime in 1981-82, before a predominantly Hindu audience, which in itself to me must have been a dangerous effort for anyone to take on whether he believes or does not in the existence of a Creator, Lord of the Universe, Omnipresent, Omniscience, Eternal and so forth. Primarily K questioned his audience on who created who, did we create God or God created us. In India itself it is said that there are more than 300000 Gods or more so who created all these Gods to whom the Hindus devote with the shower of money and rituals. "Believe has no place where truth is concern," this is the key to what I derived from this talk. And as the Buddha is said to have uttered to His Cousin Ananda just before His death, "Unto yourself alone have faith for liberation from this existence." This is the essence of what K's message was to his Hindu audience and is to me.

Not in Scriptures or in books, not from the words of the Guru or the Saints and Prophets, not even from the teachings of Gautama the Buddha Himself must one place one's 'faith', but in one's own complete Awareness or Being of who You are. Herein lies the paradox, in order to attain to the sense of Complete Awareness or Being, one has to discover a thorough and complete understanding of who you are and this can only be achieved through understanding the teachings of Guru and Saints, Books and scriptures and that of the teachings of Gautama the Buddha; there is no short cut to discovering the Truth unless one is a Buddha by birth already and even for this to happen, one would have to have evolved for eons from one life to another before finally achieving the final liberation and becoming a Buddha. So is there a God, One in Whose Image you are created and and by Whose Will you are manifesting your life here on earth? Is there a God that is Merciful and Compassionate,  Loving and yet Wrathful if crossed? Is there a God whose punishment and reward is Heaven and Hell in the afterlife, Is there a God who created men unequal and allow for decadence and death and the suffering of His creatures to become rampant just to make His point and yet tells man that "The Truth Shall Set You Free."Is there a God who declares Himself a jealous God? If there is, then I am in deep divine shit.

For God to exist, I have to exist as a witness, otherwise there is no validity to the question if or if not- God exist. It is an age old riddle of the chicken and the egg, which comes first, or who created who? Blasphemous to even think of such thoughts for a Muslim or any of the Judaic, Christian and Islamic faith and having faith is the key to being a good or devoted religious person. The gates to heaven itself are hinged upon faith and devotion to hold them up for without these two virtues religion has no hold upon humanity. Fear is the key that opens the gate for it is out of fear that man succumbs to faith and devotion, the fear of living and dying and the fear of suffering during both. If man has no knowledge or any inherent sense of fear in him, God would not exist, not heaven nor hell would hold any meaning to him. It is through fear no matter how deep or strong the denial may be, that man bows his head and worship God. Very few worship God out of love and devotion and fewer yet of those who were force to have faith out of fear for thier lives through wars and conquests, those that embrace a religion out of necessity. Then again this is all my own take and God knows I have been wrong on a great many occasions where the subject of faith is concern; and yes there is definitely fear in me too, the fear of dying in ignorance.

At one point in his talk, Krishnamurti declared that he did not believe in a God or that God exists; it does not hurt God that one man declares himself so, nor does it gives comfort to God if another declares his devotion. There is no right or wrong, good or bad, this or that where God is concern is there? God is existence itself and  non existent- emptiness, void simultaneously. We may be created in God's image but God is not created and has no image; man has to cease creating God in his image. As the Buddha's teaching implied, God has no issues to take care of but man suffers from the day he was born till the day they bury him. If man needs to have great faith and devotion to uphold to he should devote them to himself; the one who is placed upon the face of the earth to endure pain and suffering regardless his status in life. Hence to discover ne's true nature is more important that to question the existence of God, for man has to cease to exist before God can be. The Buddha final words before attaining to His 'Pari-Nirvana' was said to be, " I'm No More!" The Buddha may not have uttered, "Only God is," but this is for me to figure out for myself, through the right understanding my own Buddha Nature, Who Am I?.

"The Kingdom of Heaven is within you,

whosoever shall nkow himself, shall find it."

Egyptian Book of the Dead.

#jkrishnamurti,# egyptianbookofhe dead

 

    

What immortality is to me.

Human beings has sought immortality perhaps as the final goal throughout human history. Just as the alchemist sought to turn lead into gold, mankind's quest for the eternal life has been a quest for many who has walked the spiritual as well as the scientific life.although it is like trying to walk a camel through the eye of a needle, human history has revealed to us that this quest for immortality is far from a fiction for great minds of old and modern alike has embark upon this futile journey towards attaining what is the impossible and perhaps there are those who have attained it however have not revealed themselves to the public for one reason or another. " Legen of the wandering Jew," was a short novel that I have read when I was a teenager in high school and this short story stuck in my mind ever since for some odd reason.(Wandering Jew, in Christian legend, character doomed to live until the end of the world because he taunted Jesus on the way to the Crucifixion.) Another character whose story attracted my attention is the Muslim Prophet, Kihdr(as). In various Islamic and non-Islamic traditions, Khidr is described as a messenger, prophet, wali, slave or angel, who guards the sea, teaches secret knowledge and aids those in distress. As guardian angel, he prominently figures as patron of the Islamic saint Ibn Arabi and was also encountered by the Sufi saint Sheikh Kadir Al Jilani and according to the Quran taught Moses of the virtues of being patient when they met. In the Taoist legend of China, there are the Eight Immortals, these were Wise men and saints who had evolved into immortals and worshiped as Gods.

In the Hindu Vedic tradition, man has an immortal soul called Atman, a soul that survives after the demise of the physical human form. The atman transmigrate from one form into another evolving as it goes along towards becoming one with Brahman or God according to its spiritual performances while in each form.off course I am over simplifying the whole process, however in essence man is immortal in his own being and will attain to this nature through a gradual increment through positive action. It is said in the Quran that the sole purpose, God created man and jinn is that they worship Him. I would replace worship with servitude, that they serve God by caring for His creation including man himself. Having created man in His image he has also imbued him with His attributes and it is for man impart these attributes as he lives his life. More and more today man has drifted far from his divine attribute of Love,Patience, Compassion, Giving, Forgiving etc. and become self centered and self servicing. These are the moral virtues that decides a man his 'karmic' fate in his spiritual evolutionary ladder. Almost all religions practices this in one form or another; it is what places man above all other creatures.

For a clearer and more detailed discourses on this subject of immortality, the You Tube and the Internet as a whole has much to offer for our benefit. Today we are given less and less lee way for excuses to being ignorant when it comes to spiritual matters pertaining to our well being. The COVID -19 pandemic has also given us an opportunity to stay home and do our spiritual homework, to discover our true nature as best we can and to stand with our fellow man as one collective spiritually immortal entity like God.

#god,#quran,#khidr,#sheikhkadiraljilani 

The Rambling continues.

  I have expressed time and again that I write not because I would one day become a great writer, I beleive it is too much work for one thing, I write simly because I enjoy writing about anything and everything that comes acrosss my mind. Yes, things are never ending in coming across my mind like and endless flotsam floating up or down the river depending on the tide and I like to sit and watch what floats by, sometimes the same piece of garbage would turn up time and again like an old buddy seeking attention. These are my mental formations from past accumulations of attractions and attachments, from experiences and projections, these are the by product or the waste matter of my actions and consequences of. I sit and watch them float by, who am I sitting and watching? I write to keep reminding myself that there is a part of me that has been doing this like a watchman who job it is and has been to be an observer of what is going on with my mind in relationship to what is my external relationship to the external manifestations of my consciousness; for the river or the highway is my consciousness   

What a tedious and boring thing to be doing this sitting and watching what arises and what disappears before my mind's eye day in and day out, while awake or asleep? I thas not earned me a nickle or a dime and it is like watching clouds in an empty sky as the come and go? But do it I persist like ther is a mandate for me to do so by some unwritten laws of cause and effect.; like God or the Buddha insist that it is my duty to do so and what is worse, I gave it a name, I call it meditation. Then I began making mental notes of what attracts me most among the garbage that floats along before me and I attach myself to dwelling upon these for whatever reason they evoke in me by their very appearances. The moment I am attracted to an item it attaches itself to me and my mind elaborates and exaggerates over its form and identity, giving it my attention like an episode or a story that it is related to; I bring it to life and it stays with for as long as it seemed interesting or until it becomes a pain or a nuisance and I am forced to let it go. Yes, this is how my mind works, this is how my time has been wasted throughout my entire life and I am writing about it just to remind myself of what a waste of time it is; calling it a form of practice or meditation.

However if persistency is a virtue as a part of a positive human development process, then, I must admit to myself that I am on the right right track towards attaining whatever it is to be attained at the end of the line. I have been writing for  most of my adult life mostly about nothing worth bragging about other than about myself, my personal take on life in general and where and what I have done. As it is said that nobody reads anymore from books or journals, so who or what I am writing for is really of no significance except towards my own personal self development; how I grow old. If there be any lesson worth to be learned, it is in seeing the progression of my inner and outer journey for the past seventy odd years. I have inadvertently been doing what any psychiatrist would advice me to do if I were a patient and that is to wrtie down my thoughts, feelings, dreams and imaginations and so forth. Has it been a help? Yes and no but it is still a fun thing to do especially when you are trapped in your home during this COVID-19 pandemic. 

    

Understanding the source of originality in our creative endeavor.

 As long as I am breathing I will be thinking, thoughts never end; they will subside but they never end. It is a fact that your breath controls the flow of your thinking mind which ironically eventually ends when you stop breathing , once and for all and you are dead. Normally when you 'catch your breath' or when you heave a long sigh of relief, you sneeze or you focus you mind on your breathing alone, your thinking mind is affected in one way or another. Hence when ou attain Samadhi or absolute silence through meditation or through absolute focus on an intention like starting a one hundred meter dash, your mind stops thinking. The cessation of thoughts happens when the mind is totally occupied with an action or absolute focus upon an intention through the awareness of one's breath. This is one of the purposes of doing Zazen or sitting meditation. Primarily the goal of Zazen is the cessation of thoughts or at the very least to bring the mind into direct focus of what is here and now. To achieve a state of peace and tranquility within amidst the busy-ness of everyday life. To let go of that which is unreal and focus on the reality that presents itself when the mind is not clouded by incessant thinking. .

Professionals in every field of endeavor, albeit a scientist, an artist, a song writer, a chef, whatever the trade or undertaking to produce an original work is paramount. Originality is a cornerstone, a marker for a successful work produced by any professional in their field that transcends all other works in the same field. originality stands out as fruit of original ideas never before expressed by other in similar field. The question is where does originality originates from. A mind that is influenced by external events, thoughts and ideas will never produce an original product that is a product never before thought of or expressed into forms. Hence originality will have to come from within, from the recesses of one's unconscious or subconscious mind where where the ground of primordial state resides laying dormant until triggered by a stimuli or shaken loose by an extraordinary circumstance that has taken place in the external environment. This can also happen while in a state of absolute silence of the mind whereby an opening occurs for the latent state of consciousness is allowed to emerge unobstructed. An epiphany, an intuition, a stroke of genius, whatever the result may be, the originality emerge from within the creator inner state of subconsciousness or the unconscious. For this to happen the ground work has to be laid out by the individual in the form of practice or discipline or simply having a thorough understanding of the inner engineering of the human psyche. 

#zazen,#innerengineering

What life truly means to me.

 As I have mentioned many times in the past in my Blog, I am eclectic,(deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources,) by nature and how this was revealed to me was through a dream I had when I was visiting a well known artist in Central City, Colorado y the name of Angelo  Dedenidetto, ( I would need a spelling check on his name as it has been a long time since). I have written in detail of this event in my life and so will not delve further into it, however suffice to say that it was an accurate evaluation of my character by whoever had made these observations of my nature in the dream. Hence listening to David Carse's Audio Book, Perfect Brilliant Stillness -Lomakayu, or the Maharaj Nisargadatta's talks or all the other talks are to me part and process of my being eclectic in my choices of who or what makes me -Me. I made it a point even before I stumbled upon the eclectic and unrstood its meaning to never swallo any thoughts or ideas on blind faith alone,echoing the Buddha's words of never to accept anything as the truth simply because it was uttered even by Himself; trust my own instinct, gut feelings, if it don't sit right it's not for me.

My soul is on the line where my spiritual journey is concern, I am looking to fully uderstand who or what I truly am while in this realm of existence and I have done my share of footwork and homework in the matter. I am not seeking for enlightenment nor a way of escaping from my past transgressions; perhaps I am seeking the light at the end of this tunnel I am in. The weight of the matter has weighed upon my shoulders and the cause of much migraine in my head, of sleepless nights and like a burning iron ball in the pit of my stomach I carry this most of my adult life. The Truth as the Christ said would set me free andin this I hold firmly to be true. I feel the truth lies within me dormant and waiting for the right moment and Master Key that would unlock it, an embryo waiting to be born. The words of wisdom of the ancient and modern spiritual masters are like like rain falling upon my ground of self consciousness, food for my thoughts, signs and guides along the path , that I may not stray too far from the course of my destiny. 

I have placed my complete faith and trust in my Lord, my Creator way back when I was confronted with my faith and spiritual issues and way before the question of who am i arise. As a converted Muslim I call by the Name Allah, Lord of Creation, just as Christian would call Him God or Elohim or a Hindu, Brahman, a Jew would call Him Yahweh or Jehovah. among other names. No matter how much science or the so called, free thinkers can justify otherwise, I am not an atheist; I believe in a Higher Being, I believe in, if the word God or Allah is offensive to those who don't, I believe in a Higher Consciousness,call it a Cosmic Consciousness if you will. Perhaps in this realm of existence I am a mere animal evolving towards my highest possible form, however I know fully well that there are so called human that has evolved into the worse kind of animals and only a divine intervention can change and alter the course of their evolution; he who  answers to no higher self is a demon worse than an animal in the wild for he answers only to himself and as the saying goes, he gets away with murder; it is said that even demons has to answer to their masters for any demonic transgressions.

I fear death only because I have  not understood life, why was i alive and it is my ultimate desire that i have a glimpse of the truth of what my life was all about. Some will say that I am playing my role, my part in this realm of Cosmic Consciousness, while others will say that I am just thread in the net of the human experience, these are just thoughts and perceptions that the mind has evolved to justify my being here. I sense that there is much more to this life than just having a name and a livelihood, I feel it deep within me a much higher purpose that is hidden behind the veils of illusions that I am am being made to accept to be what this life is all about and this is what i intend to unravel as thoroughly as I can before I make my final exit; failing to do this would simply mean that I ahve truly wasted my life.

Time for the final count down towards self liberation.

 After years of posting my blog, 2372 to date I am finding out that I really not idea what in heaven's name I am talking about when it comes to the subject of spirituality or religion for that matter. I thought I had a good handle on the subject but of late I am not sure anymore. After listening to several talks on the subject I am less convince than I used to be as to my perception about things or where I stand in relation to what I discovered from these talks on spiritual matters. Talks by the Hindu Guru Nisargadatta Maharaj especially, I find very convincing and challenging in its content. It's not easy to put into words about how i feel about his talks or ideas, however the ideas gives me a great deal to chew on and digest and has become another added dimension to my personal spiritual quest. It is perfectly alright, I am ok with what has been laid out before me as it is yet another corner stone to take a turn by. It as thought every time I thought I have got it, it is not what the answer is and it takes me yet to anotyher level of understanding.

I have also been listening to the video series on You Tube called,"Perfect Brilliant Stillness," a very thought provoking engaged and well laid out and read audio book. This is an amalgamation, if I may call it that, of most of the great spiritual minds across the globe. Fro the Shamans of the Amazon, the Natvie Americans, The Great Hindu Rishis and Chinese Chaan Masters and Japanese Zen Roshi, from Rumi and Kabir to contemporary Philosophers such as J and G.Krishnamurti, to name a few For me personally it is like a coming to a conclusion of my spiritual journey, however what the future holds is yet to be. I feel like my path is gradually being narrowed down towards a final point of completion. There is no doubt that the path gets more bumpy and treacherous for one who as committed himself to so many faiths and belief system over the years and giving up all these is what is asked for. It is like the evolution of the spiritual man is coming to a full fruition for those who have been on the spiritual journey. It is a challenge, to take on this new direction of giving up, of stopping of unloading the baggage and starting from ground zero. The irony is that I know I have to stop thinking and which also means to stop writing my thoughts and perceptions down as I am at this moment doing. To fully embark upon this path would mean abandoning all hope and expectations, giving up all my comfort zones and safety net, even my faith in God as I have come to understand it. However if this is what it takes, than I have no qualms in taking to the path for from what I have heard and learned, though may still not fully grasp,I feel that there is genuine truth in what is being laid out.

It is my feeling that this is the end product of the Collective Human Consciousness reaching it apex, the Summit of the Mystique Mountain. Herein I will have to take my leap of faith into the abyss that lies before and what happens, happens. It is time to let go of the straws that I have been clinging on to and drown myself into the sea of infinite possibilities and limitless consciousness. All the teachings I have bathed myself with in the past is now being churned and blended together to create the final stage of Liberation of my spirit, my soul, my self. As much as my small mind, my ego would put up a fight for its survival, I have to stay fixed and focused upon what arises from my acceptance of the challenge placed before me on my path towards discovering .Who am I?     

How do I feel about Penang today as an old man. -2

 I am not against development so long as the development benefits the local as it should. I am against wanton development that is carried out forthe sake of benefiting those involved in the projects; the authorities and the developers. I am against development that depreciate the natural beauty of the landscape and causes more congestion to the traffic flow in and around the city. I am development that caters to he whims of the well to do especially those who can afford to buy and rent out or sell homes simply as investments and most of these would end up being sold to foreign investors, which is rampantly happening in Penang. Most expensive homes are being purchased by foreigner via local proxies I am told. It is sad indeed when the Island has become to be peddled like a pie making it impossible for the locals to keep up with rising so called standard of living simply because some foreigner wants to own a second or vacation home. Real estate investments has become a lucrative business at thye expense of the locals as the presuure of keeping up with rising cost jeopardizes their livelihood and welfare of being.

When my son got into trouble at his school I was asked to appear before the Principal who was a Chinese to discuss his misdemeanor and as the discussion progressed it came to the cost of living a an issue. The Principal suggested that I should move my family to the mainland where i could afford to live rather than remain living on the Island. I let him have my thoughts over the matter short of grabbing the thick cane  had laying before me on his table and letting him have a taste of it across his mouth. Witnessed by my son's counseling teacher and his classroom teacher the principal apologized for his error. I told him to get off his high horse and stop teaching me how to live and where to live my life. I told him that he was a bigot assuming that Malays cannot afford to live on the Island anymore and that we should all move out. I told him how I had lived 21 years of my life in the United States, ten years of which was spent in San Francisco where my son was born and three years in Japan where my two children attended one of the most expensive kindergarten in Sendai. I also told how my Grand Uncle had been the caretaker of this very school most of his life since he came to Penang from Sri Lanka  That my Grand Uncle was also the caretaker of the Mahindrama Buddhist temple located across the street from where the school is and that all the Murals witihn the temple walls were done by my grandfather. I asked him what has he got to be proud of being a Principal of a school; I was pissed.

My two cents worth of advice to the Chinese is to be be more sensitive in the ways they treat the local Penang Malays especially those who are struggling to make ends meet. The Chinese has to close the widening gap between the two races in wealth social as well as economic well being or they stand to loose it all when the smoldering hot ashes catches fire. I have spent allot of my time among the poor Malay fishermen and listened to their dissatisfaction have a good sense that all is not well and like the former Prime Minister said, "We are sitting on a time bomb waiting to go off." With this COVID-19 pandemic it makes matters worse. for the predicament we are in. I am not saying that the Chinese have to support the Malays in any way but by simply not showing off their wealth or being socially as friendly as the Chinese of my childhood years and by simply being respectful instead of showing arrogance in their daily accounter with their fellow man. Perhaps it is in their inherent nature and nt much can be done about it. One can never change what is in the world but one can change oneself and understand that all all is an illusion of one's own perceptions and understanding of what is real and unreal. Thee are my very own personal observation and my intuitive feelings, not my being bias or judgmental towards my fellow beings, those born and raised in Penang, no matter their background.   

 

   

How do I feel about Penang Island today as an old man.

 I was interviewed by a group of people led by a  'social-cultural' researcher accompanied by two local cartoonists about the Penang Island and her development through the years through the eyes of the older folks. As I was not sure positively of what the objective was, whether it was about artists or about being a Penang born resident I answered as best I could to the questions as they were put to me. Early this morning at my witching hour of 3 am. I was awaken as usual and sat to contemplate over what had transpired yesterday afternoon and it dawned on me that I should address a few questions with my deeper feelings I truly have with regard to the question, how I feel about the Island and my experience having lived for seventy years of my life here off and on. I realize that the interview was not really focused on my being a local artist as much as me growing up and my personal take on ho the Island has evolved environmentally, economically and socially. Then again I could be mistaken.

Here I would like to add to the interview my feelings which more centered towards the Island and its people rather than me being an artist. The most important question asked was how I feel about the growth and development of the Island and the social welfare of the people.in short do I like how or what Penang has developed into and my answer was more or less ambivalent, both like and dislike, there's good and there's what could be better or better not. Environmentally speaking Penang like most major metropolis is headed for and environmental disaster if wanton development is not checked. Ideas like the construction of an undersea tunnel and man made islands off the coastal areas of the Island should be scrapped as a developer's pipe dream and so is the construction of luxury apartments that hardly a local can afford. The environmental impact this will have and is already happening will be a long term detriment to the well being of the environment in and around the island. The few rivers that feeds into the island are no doubt as polluted as to be among the worse in the country and one ask when was the real assessment of the staus of these rivers last done and what was the result. The effluents resulting from over construction of apartments all over the Georgetown alone is scary to imagine how much sewage and waste matter is being generated and thrown into the environment. The cleanest sea water that can be found unpolluted by man made I was told sometime in 1982 by a friend who worked at the aquarium which was then located in Hudini road area, was six miles offshore and that was way back when. It would not be impossible that largest landfill on the Island located adjacent to the Lim chong Eu Highway will reach the mainland. We cannot deny that leaching of pollutants from this site alone is detrimental to the marine life all around the coastal areas. the effects may not be apparent presently but only time will tell if it is not already as fishermen are finding lesser and lesser catch close to home. 

The levelling of hillsides all over the Island for more land to buid condominiums and various other highways and hotels is slowly eating away at the one natural and pristine landscape and those who can afford it would like to have a home perched on the highest site possible to overlook the rest of the Island. One of the question or statement I often got when I retur to the East Coast state of Terengganu where I grew up was,  " the Chinese have bought up all te Malay lands and my answer was always, "Yes, but it is not their fault that the Malays were selling them, however the Chinese are selling them off to foreign buyers who can afford to buy them. It's ll business investments, just money to be made." But what happen to the Malay Kampungs? They have become a part of history most of them their one time pristine kampung life has been converted into the urban  jungle that City of Georgetown is turning into. Most of the Malays have found their way to the Mainland where they can start new an updated kampungs. There is no doubt that Penang will one day become like Singapore or Hong Kong or a poorer version of it but with the loss of its natural beauty and social cultural wealth.

When I was asked the question of how I feel about Penang upon my return afters years of being away by the interviewer, this is my thoughts and feelings among many others that are more personal in nature. These I will get into in my later postings. 

    

Where I am at...

 What saddens me about my life of late is the fact that I find myself becoming more and more 'not caring'. It feels like I ma in the process of committing suicide mentally and spiritually and if this is any indication f growing old, it is very sad indeed. I have always regarded myself as being creative in my approach to life, not just because i am an artist or have aspired to become one, but more so than that it is the fact that i have in the past look at life with all seriousness and appreciated it in all its glory and awesomeness; i have it seemed lost that childlike sense of curiosity and bewilderment.

Like most, I have engrossed myself into the what the Internet has to offer, from endless movies, Facebook, You Tube lectures and numerous other postings, that I feel saturated with what is out there, the going on in the the world. As one who has been aspiring towards being devoid of thoughts in my mind I have instead become thought infested. I have allowed too much senseless information into my head and have practically lost my sense of presence, of being here in the moment uncluttered by any form of thought formation; perhaps why truth seekers flee to the forest and mountain retreats?

As much as would love to be able to take off and disappear from this present environment I am in events in my life would not permit me to. My responsibility towards my children for their well being and the COVID-19 status at present makes it not a wise move to pursue. Hence I have to make do with what is before me and strive to remain true to my course as an artist or as I would call it, The Art of Living (as an Artist). To be creative no matter the form and whatever the process, I will keep of trudging along producing and expressing myself as I am doing now.

33Wati Dzulkifly, Grazyna Kaminska and 31 others

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