Still trying to stay awake.

What I feel about the Judeo-Christian and Islamic religions today is that, although they all worship the One and the same Great Spirit that they by their own linguistic and cultural tradition calls by different names such as God, Yahweh. or jehovah and Allah or Al-Lah, these three religions of the Holy Books are the most segregated and harbors the most animosity towards one another. Each and every Christian, Jews and Muslim are willing to murder in the name of their Creator...the God of Abraham, of Moses  and Jesus and Muhammad as though this has been sanctioned. For centuries these three religions has been going at it, killing and subverting, condemning  and ridiculing one another and all in  the name of the One true Creator. Ever since i was a child and made aware of my faith, I was indoctrinated into looking at judaism and Christianity with suspicion if not contempt and this is true for most Muslims all over the world today just as it is true for Jews and Christian children alike. Sadly enough in the war torn regions of the Middle East this mutual distrust has become so toxic that it has taken the form of chronic hatred; especially in the hearts of children who lost their parents, brothers and sisters.
The religion of Abraham is a very sick religion today and in need of more than a Miracle to heal. The schism that has been fomenting over the centuries has now become poisonous and is cancerous to every believer in the the three faith all over the world; but most religious soul lives in denial of this dilemma. Most modern religious leaders and thinkers makes all kinds of excuses in defence of the inability and failure to address this issue by attributing it to territorial and political issues as the cause and thus not religion that is responsible. How we have lived in all these centuries telling ourselves these lies is an unholy curse in itself;  the devil or satan has his work cut out for him. We as God fearing children of Adam are sending ourselves and our future generation to hell through our own ignorance, through our arrogance and through our fears; we are the victims of our own self generated apathy.
It is almost a week now the Month of Ramadan has quickly passed by and I find myself haunted by doubts and questions about my own faith. I have now come to the conclusion that i am fasting and observing as closely as I can of the requirements of the fasting month only because i have not realize the whole truth about Islam. it is also because i firmly believe that the fasting Month is the most significant among the practices in Islam as it is demanding in all aspect of discipline. It is also during this Month that my soul is being run through the wringer of my Maker. My soul walks on very thin ice and my mind is being tested to the maximum in more than one way towards my faith; am i a true believer or a doubter?
What is a true believer and who is asking and who do i answer to? Why do i place such great importance in my life over thiese issues for as long as I can remember? I have spent many a dark night of the soul tormenting myself in trying to find answers but what i have learned is that i have wasted a whole lot of energy and time for instead of celebrating and joys of life like I should i have spent most of my life living in the agony of fear and guilt as though my Lord is ever watching and waiting to get a hold of me for every little and major transgressions i have committed in my time. Yet, when i watch and see the state of humanity today,the atrocities and violence man is capable of inflicting on his fellow man, i wonder why I should fear a Creator that has allowed for this to happen. Is this then the illusion. the Cosmic Joke that God is playing on me, like what the Buddha has uncovered; that it is all an illusion. It is all a mental formation of an ignorant mind fast asleep and dreaming and sooner than later this dream will turn into a nightmare. 
Wake up! Wake up! Stay awake!