And the fasing Must go on.

It has been a dragging kind of fasting month for me as i weigh back and forth what and why I am as I am not truly in sync with what is going on as far as the fasting goes. I know I should be more serious about this holy month in carrying out the precept laid down by the holy book and all but my heart is still not into it and it is not because i cannot stand hunger or resist from looking at a nice piece of S without imaginations. I feel like there is something not quite right about it all and i just cannot put my finger on it. Last Friday as I sat listening to the Imam hammered out fiery words from the pulpit I was again turned off by the fact that he had nothing new to say but repeated that same old stories with new twists and turns and ended out with lashing at those who failed to fill up the 'saf' or lines for the Taraweh prayers He kept shouting out how lazy we have become for opting out to do 8 'rakaats' instead of the 21 prostrations as this particular mosque had chosen to do. I simply do not attend the taraweh prayers anymore like I used to. 
Yes i am sure many would frown upon my lack of piety and be ready to point out how my life has been full of errors and failures due to perhaps this lacking of faith in God. In God I have faith, but in Muslims in general I have lost most o what I admired on Islam as a Religion. During this month again I will be made to pay my Zakat or tith which is not much by comparison as far as taxes goes. In Malaysia millions if not billions are collected every year by the religious department, so, why do we find Malay Muslims living in abject poverty  all over he country? It is calculated that if all the money collected were to be disbursed to the public wisely all Muslims in this country can live comfortably. So where do all the money goes, other than building more mosques and suraus that half the time id left empty?
More and more 'Ustazs' or religious teachers are appearing on TV and videos giving their two cents worth at how to live life according to the Prophet of Allah, Not according to how they live themselves but the Prophet, and if you look at how much they make for every 'ceramah' or religious talk they give you think they are no better than the Evangelist like Billy Graham, though not so affluent as yet. Like David Barton, many Muslim Gurus are making their influential status among the 'Ummah' or the congregation as a stepping stone into politics and in this country's case , via PAS, the Majority Muslim opposition Party in Malaysia. Most of these Ustaz or religious teachers are products of the MIddle eastern Universities such as Al Azhar and are no bout intelligent  if not slick in their approaches, through threats, cynicism laced humor all rolled into one. Then there are the 'entertainers' like the 'soul brothers' group in the West crooning religious verses from the Quran to pacify the masses at a lucrative price. Islam like most major religions of the world has become a big business. Muslims may abhor Christmas celebrations or even Valenyine's Day and Birthdays, but it sure has got the Month of Ramadan and the days of celebration that follows as equally commercialized. The Hari Raya Aidil Fitri has become another massive commercial industry that rivals Christmas. New cloths are being ordered and food and drinks requested a month ahead of the event. In short the amount of money spent is phenomenal; at least by those who are fortunate enough to afford it.
But this is not what bothers me about the religion as it has nothing to do with the teachings and as a matter of fact most are counter to the teachings. What aches me is this feeling of something is not right within me, my own mental perceptions of the religion when looked with keener eyes and consciousness. I know i do not deny the fact that I am a servant of my Maker, the Lord of the Universe its Creator, but i have doubts about the rituals and practices, like going to Mecca for the pilgrimage; here's the most lucrative business industry in the world today and the Saudis harvest wealth much richer than oil. What do they do with all that they have collected? WallahuAllam! Only Allah knows. All in all Islam is a great business package that benefits the religious as well as the corrupt, but my doubts comes from deeper source within my heart which as yet I am still looking for the answers.