Greatness is Within.

"Greatness is Within" is written on the cover of the shoe box that supports the PC screen and I noticed it for the first time this morning. It is a good ad gimmick but it is also an eye opener fro one who lost in a limbo of non-doing, inactive mind, a mind in lethargic stupor non productive and wasteful. Yeah that is about how i am feeling right now and it is like a small miracle to stumble upon these words sitting right in front of me all these while but un-noticed. It is not that i have not looked within all these while, perhaps no deep enough or perhaps for the wrong reasons or i am merely escaping from looking externally as it has become too uncomfortable for my liking.
Again regardless if i am looking within or without, I am still trapped in this dual thinking mind, It is the worse kind of addiction this thought dominated state of mind. Incessant thinking, never ending and often unconnected meaningless thoughts that merely occupy th mind to simply distort any form of rational or logical ideas leaving me with more crumpled up images fit for the garbage bin. My meditation practice has become sporadic and lacking in seriousness or intensity and I find myself sleeping every chance i get and waking up with more guilt than restfulness. Hence meditation the one means towards how i can overcome my predicament is not working either which leaves me with reading and writing. In less than two weeks i am into the fourth novel of the four volume works by author Conn Iggulden entitled EMPEROR; a novel of Julius Caesar. The historical fiction of the life of one of the great names in European history has kept me occupied especially when I had walked the streets of Rome in modern times not too long ago.
I wish I can write some similar epic like this or such works like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter what an escape that would be, not in the negative sense but an escape that is productive from this realm of existence that is lacking and stagnant to my mind. Creating works of Art has become a struggle too at least for the time being as i find myself getting lazy to even begin and when I try thoughts of why I should gets in my way. I find little comfort in seeing that my works are reminders of how much time and effort i have wasted i the past that has left me today wanting financially. my talent was appreciated only when they served a purpose to the public like being a part of a show or entertainment. In Art i have become another roadside attraction, which would have been alright had it been able to keep me from becoming a beggar in this life. Today my works are hung on office and hotel walls, art galleries and small roadside stalls; I am wondering where my next income would materialize from during this month of Ramadan.
So, I am addicted to Face Book too! Like many I spend a great deal of my time browsing through what is pasted on fb offering my own two cents worth of opinion even when unsolicited just to be 'involved'. learn a thing or two about others friend and relatives who frequent this media. It is said that about five million fb users in the country, (Malaysia) are under 10 years of age. I try to share only positive and productive info unless I am making a political statement. In these days and age Children are no more ignorant of life as their forefathers were and thus it is inevitable that we treat them accordingly and not try to manipulate what we think they aught to be fed. In short if i am to spend my hours on fb I better learn how to spend it wisely; ideally for the benefit of other beings young and old and not just to entertain my ego.