Ah, So!



At the summit of the Titiwangsa Mountain Range.

 Time to look within, dive deeper into the Now the 'actually' what is happening to..me...the Now me. I am beginning to realize how much my thoughts want to hang around me, be me in every moment of my  life; I have become a living thinking machine, a bio-computer a cyborg of some genetic engineering to allow me to function from multi-dimensional leaps of quantum faith I am a walking zombie and I don't know it , acting accordingly just like the rest of the zombie race. All because I made an all out effort  not tot think, (too much). Most of what I've just written made as much sense to me as it would to you who read them, but it carries deeper meanings than I can explain, Sometimes I feel the ending of my life approaches quite near and at these times and moments when I am in the right place at the right time I am able to write it all as it happens and is happening. I owe it to myself to keep track as close as possible as to how far or how hear i am my journey's end; I would like to leave me behind a legacy in the form of a rambling of a'  mind dominated entity; the journey of complete awareness, effortless mindless awareness of being where I am at at this moment in time.
Yesterday evening I learned the lesson about being able to destroy before being able to create, non-attachment to anything and everything is as equally important, I learned this after I reworked on one of my "Space Art Series", which I was struggling with for many months now. I am happy with what  I finished wit, it is now hanging over my bed. The pains of not having a camera is killing me! Carpe Diem!! The moment is lost in terms of visual values as i should have been recording my progress all along on camera at the very least. But...shit happens and who is to blame but myself for the lack of awareness in misplacing the camera my son bought me in Dubai! My bad! So now that I look back and reflect upon the shit that has happened i am beginning to see myself drifting ever deeper into the clinging on to, the need to, have this or that for things to happen and I am hard on myself on shit like these. I carry the cross of every thought I make and they ride on my back fro m the day I started to think. My tediously boring Blogging is my testimony to my long journey towards understanding of who I am and what makes it happen for me.I write like an addict who needs to expel his demons through words, thoughts and ideas in an effort to make sense out of non-sense; my life has been an experiment involving many lives for better of for worse; I loved every single creature I have met along my sixty odd years of my life even those I had hated at one time or another, I have accepted all my sins and am blessed to have met them and am meeting and will continue on meeting till the day I die.
Relationship is what makes life for us I have come to fully accept this as a deep rooted cause of suffering among the human race; I fail to communicate! Through  a healthy and creative, caring and conscious sense of openness towards all beings in return I find peace within for on every face that I see is a face of Hope and Faith in the One Collective Consciousness : call It what you may; I call It, Allah(S).By writing this at the moment I am confirming my faith to the witness of many who stumble upon my blog; this is one of my primary purpose in writing this on going blog. I find my peace in my Lord the Great, the Al-Mighty, the Compassionate and Merciful. As of this moment I renounce everything that is consumed or ingested that i know to be against the Syariat of Allah: I quit all my bad habits. I will make very effort to become e true Muslim; I will prepare to meet death. If I die let me Lord, die with my faith in You.
I am still who I am in my own space and time but I am no more, as who I think I am. I will go on making mistakes and feeling sorry for myself and give in to my old negative habits but I I will act out the rest of my life with the realization  that this is who I am! Take it or leave it, only God matters. I surrender my will to Him, He is the Actor I am merely a puppet on His string, I will dance to His tune and promote Him for salvation of one's (soul?)
Now that I know who I am and where i stand with my Maker, (doubtful), where do i go from here? Not where, how do i get there, not how but being there all at the same time; ever in the Lord's presence; To stay in the complete Now and no matter what transpires to remain in the present in body mind and spirit is to behold the 'being' in the presence of the divine within. I am not there but in moments like this i am there; and I am no more, (there).
So on I goo..with my writing about nothing of concern or any particular interest in the days and age when no one like to read anymore, not if they can help it and they try discuss all about the Art of Relationship.What is my relationship to my self? To God? to my fellow man, my wife my child? what is my relationship to humanity? Who am I? What is my purpose? How do I serve as  servant of GOD? Now do I understand the Bodhisatva's  Vows and Virtues in the warf and woof of life as I walk through the valley in the realm of the zombies; I am the servant and I am out to become an enlightened servant of , Allah!, (Insha'Allah.).
If it all makes no sense, don't let it worry you, it makes just as much sense to me too.