So what is my new year's resolution? What s there to ask for, wish for or hope for? What more is there to accomplish, establish or publsh? All that needs to be said and done is practically said and done snd if not there is little or no excuse for not doing so but that it is not that big a deal where my life is concern anymore. I have tread the thick and thin handed out and taken abuses and i have tried to stay on the straight and narrow path towards my Maker as much as i possibly could but many atimes I have slip and slided away into the side tracks, taken the path less beaten and making all the wrong moves which every now and then have landed me into unsavory circumstances. 2012 has been one long drag what with the Malysian political uncertainty and the Global upheaval in many countries and on the personal note the fact that nothing outstanding occured in my life worth remembering. Had two art shows, one a group show and the other a solo exhibition but both were a flop as far as making it financially worthwhile. Them are the breaks, win some loose some while I almost drifted into my old drug habit at a point through despair at what have become of my life, I managed to pull myself out of it in the nick of time which is what i am doing here in Dubai. I am feeling the emptiness of my life that all I have set about to accomplish is washing down the drain and at my age being a disappointment is not a great option; it is not a feeling i would like to have before i exit this life. What does a man need to accomplish before he proves himself worhty of being respected and emulated by those who look up to him for hope and guidence? In short what makes a good father? I have no answer anymore as i am at a point where i wish I had remained childless. But the milk is spilled and there is little i can do but make the best out of licking it back up before it is a total lost. I wish there is a guide for being 'good fathers' but I highly doubt that it would do anyone any good as being a good dad is relative to each and every person and circustances. If there is any consolation in knowing if you have done the right thing it is from how your children treat you in your old age. Mine are now showing their fangs and true colors, this is ndefinitely not a good sign or is it? I can only look at my siblings' children to see the truth in this, how they treat their parents or their father; but can I really trully accept that they are being genuinely sincere in their feelings or are they merely fulfilling an obligation of being the good children that they were raised to be. The difference in this is the fact that i have nothing to leave behind worth my childrens' filialty; my brothers has much to offer. Hence if my children are apt to be a little rebelious or rude as taking their father for granted they have the right to do so. perhaps i deserve the treatment after all what have i to offer except being dependent on them in my old age?
Yes life is a bitch and then some... but hey nothing and no one is perfect and all you can do is do your very best to make it all happen for the better and when you walk out of this circus you can look back and say to youself : Yes, I played the clown and the last laugh was on me. Hail to all Buddhas in the six realms in the ten directions, past present and future for life is indeed suffering and suffering Is, yet none who suffers. If you have lost me by now worry not for i am about to take my leap of faith into the ocean of emptiness and see where i would wake up into when I do wake up. As I have been drifting along in this life seeking and chasing after that which is illusive and undefinable, I have come to understand a little about who I am and what I am here for; me experiment with life is coming to a conclusion, I may not have all theanswers but i do have a glimpse of reality which I hope all these years of writing these nonsense would culminate into a rational answer. I am writing this now for myself so fret not it is beyond your comprehension.
So, what is to be my New Year's Resolution? Lets see after i have seen the fireworks tonight. Perhaps after that i will spark in me the divine inspiration I am looking for.
Yes after a deliciously set up dinner by two lovely Emirates Air Hostesses originating from Romania and together with a hostess from Japan and a Emirati (Mohamad) and an Amrican pilot (J) I witnessed the most spectacular fireworks being displayed at the Burj Dubai. The view was from the 34th. floor of the Millenium Tower apartments.
Yes it is moments like these that one aught to open one's eyes and look deep inot one's being and whisper,"Thank you, Lord, for all the bounties that You have given me! I realize that perhaps I do not desrve it but to behold this moment in time I feel You are indeed Compassionate and oft giving. Alhamdullilah Ya Rab"
My host and hostesses! I call the girls the daughters of the Count.(Drakul) with heart of gold. And Jason, Naz's best friend from way back when, I pray for his speedy recovery to good health and well being this coming year.
The pictures does not do justice to the actual, but cannot be helped as they were taken through a somewhat dirty window.
As for my son, well I hope whereever he is in the Antaticar he too is beholding the grandiuer of the infinite universe on this auspicious night. HAPPY NEW YEAR to All of You! May you live long and prosper.
2 comments:
You say you feel as if you have nothing to leave behind to your children. I say be careful with your thoughts. Remember the conversation we had about the watch and what is most important in life.
Maybe you don't have the means to leave behind to your children that which is least important in life. So be it. Don't let that serve as an obstacle for you leaving behind, to each one of them, that which is most important. The gift of communication with them, serve as a role model in doing that which will make your life better that they may follow the example you set. If you have made mistakes in the past, they are in the past. Live for today and look forward to tomorrow. CARPE DIEM. Give your children all the love and wisdom that you have. These are the things that are most important in life, not anything monetary.
Remember the saying, "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime..." Teach your children to 'fish' :-)
This week marks the beginning of a new year and according to the Mayan's recent prediction of 'the end', maybe the beginning of a new era.
Let us all make the choices in life to make this new year and new era the best ones ever.
Remember, the goal in life is progress, from one day to the next. The only person we should ever worry about being better than is the person we were yesterday.
Thank you for your support Sam. Wishing you all the best in all your endeavors and everything in life. Happy New Year, Godspeed and God Bless.
Super J
Thanks Big Guy!
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