Resolution 2013 - 2

I stayed over at J's for the rest of the night but could not fall asleep the whole night and sat and watched the sun rise after having heard the call to prayer from the mosque way below me in the distance. I whispered "Alhamdullilah Ya Rab and from the corner of my eye caught two words J had stuck to the wall by his work table, "Carpe Diem!" seize the moment.  It was a wake up call for me in more than one way as it awoke in me the answer to what i really want to do an as my new year's resolution; as I looked out the window across the downtown city landscape of Dubai I know i would like to do a journey back to my home in Malaysia via the land route. I would like to travel through Oman, Iran and into Pakistan and India and perhaps all the way down to Sri Lanka. My mind was racing with all the pros and cons as to what would happen and the hows and whys; but it is my dream has always been, to see life all over the world. To walk among the poor and the rich and to gather whatever life has to offer and share it with those who care enough to share their time with me.
As for my children, I hope they will accept my decision and understand that what i choose to do is not something out of the ordinary for me as i have done this many times before in other parts of the world and the danger is always there that I might not make it this time; that is my gamble with life. I hope I will have all their support if not in fiscal let it be in spirit. And so too to my friends all those who have known me and those who just got to know me; pray that the roads will rise to meet me and the wind will blow from behind me. My journey will begin if it has not already as soon as i hash it out with him and say farewell to my son when he returns.

Kiara!

If I need to justify myself let me briefly say that in returning to Malaysia there is no urgency or a grave dire need to and I would be wasting my time just making ends meet and hanging out among the retired and those given up and waiting for the ticket to paradise. I would drift back into my self pity and defeatist attitude that i know will suffocate my desire to excel as an artist. It is my own weaknesses that i worry about when I am back home. This is the right time i feel as I am here and can sit and deliberate my journey with the one man who i still hold very precious to my heart so that he will accept and support my choice of action. I do not need my son's permission to do this but I need his blessings as the oldest and I need his counselling as one with a level head when it comes to planning.
The time is also right for me physically as i am beginning to feel lethargic and consciously accepting old age and its drawbacks; I need to sweat it out in the sands and the mountains. I the sun to burn my flesh again and the cold to freeze my bones and the trials and tribulations of such a journey to challenge my nerves and consciousness. I refuse to fade away into oblivion while enjoying good food and merry making among friends and relatives with not much to talk about but politics and worse, about other people.  I need to find new challenges and ideas, new and unknown parts of me that in the past has emerged through the thick and thin of my journeys. I need to step out of this villa and free myself from the bonds of physical comfort and mental decay...blah...blah ...blah.

She is leaving for London!

 

Hence, my New year's resolution; 2013 will be spent trekking the Middle East, The Indian sub continent and various other countries along the road. Sketching, drawing, writing, picture taking blogging and looking in while looking out. It is not going to be easy not by a long shot but as i see it the alternative is equally if not less attractive to my existence at the present moment in time; i have no grandchildren to worry about or play with. my health may not be one hundred percent but it is still manageable and the long walks would do me good. Then there is the Internet to keep me in touch with the rest of the world and the Western Union if I am in dire need of money; i am sure there a good Samaritan or two who would answer my call for help. Yes I have thought about it for a very long time and have consciously or otherwise constructed the infrastructure catering towards my needs for taking this journey. The only thing that has been standing in my way till now is the matter of right timing; the right circumstances and this is as good a time as i can hope for. I am here and I can fly Emirates Business Class and reach KL in six hours or i can take my time and find my way through the swath of landscape and cultures spread before me from here to Kl. i may take me a month or two or I might not reach home only my Maker will decide on that and i have all the faith in Him. Insha' Allah...

It is a world out there!