At the Nadir of Creativity

My daughter Marissa is back on semester break for a few weeks and is now working part time with her old job at the Bon Ton Cafe group on Beah Street. So its dropping off and picking her up from work everyday. My son Karim is still Karim not having any idea on what to to do or become as far as his future career is concern but so long as he is happy I am happy for him. The Swiss boy is doing what he is doing which lately i have no idea of as he has decided to leave his father out of the loop of his life for now, which is fine with me, no news is good news. The flier called yesterday out of the blue and has been very busy flying all over the world and no time for the ground crew, that too is fine with me so long as he is safe and sound.
I am busy trying to put together a Mural painting that is in the process of being comissioned by the Swiss Inn Hotel in Sungai Petani which so far is still in the negotiation stage. It will be 32 feet long and the theme of the mural is simply, a garden scene. I am psyching myself up for the job as it is both a challenge and a prospect for my reputation as an artist. It will not be easy and I am not getting any younger at least physically, but I have one or two artist friends who will be helping me if and when the project gets its green light. Thus far I have been asked to submit my profile as an artist, which I did and then a day or two of silence as is common with the Malaysian way of dealing with business, in the States it would like 'dont call us we will call you' kind of situation. In the meantime I believe in being proactive when situations like these presents themselves, like getting ready with the layout of what i would work with if and when the project takes off and getting the all the help together from all those who are able and capable. I do not like digging my hole just when my guts is about to unload.
I have painted saveral pieces of abstract works, I still feel ill at ease using the term Abstract where my wroks are concern but ironically enough these are what is selling in the market or so it seems. And the other irony of it is that these were what i was doing during my earliest years when in secondary school untill i went through my formal college education in the Arts. Today it seems anyone can be an artist and sell so long as he or she knows the basics of how to apply color and know the right people. It is wrong for the likes of me to bemoan the fate of serious lifelong artists, the so called hardcore dreamers and creative deviants as Art is for all and all can be artists for so long as there are those who appreciate what is being created and willing to pay for them. Which leads us to the question of 'What is being an Artist?"
AAh who cares anymore, live and let live! Again as the good old American saying goes, money talks and bullshit walks! The man who dedicates himself to doing what he loves doing and sacrifices everything for it is misguided fool whose ideals are no more valid by any standard that is held in this day and age and he who knows how to market himself by hook or by crook has the last laugh. I salute those of my fellow artists who dared over the years to take on their careers as full time artists and often times grovelling in the economic mire of trying to raise their children or even feed themselves. These are true believers whose path has been championing the fine arts not prostituting themselves catering to the art market and its so called patrons in order to survive. These are the diehards who had taken all sorts of abuse humiliation from the general public for the sake of integrity as artists and I for one has often failed in this aspect seeking financial assistance from close friends and family as my last resort.
Being an artist is worse than being an addict as it compels one to keep doing it even when in doing so means worse than being a pariah in society. Friends and relatives frowns and those honest enough even offer the sane advice of "Get a Job!" Now i have a good picture of how my grand father and my father must have felt when they migrated here in their capacity as artists. Sadly enough at my age i can safely say that I have inherited their pain.
But as the Wise One said, "Suffering is, None who suffers." In moments like these the words of my African friend Peter OYimbo always comes to mind, he said, "You can suffer without bitterness." A tough act to follow when all around you you find gross unfairness and your self esteem becomes the victim of circumstances.

"If one can completely give up clinging to the idea of Being oneself, then being oneself will no longer be suffering. "
Buddhadasa Bikhu