Hangin out in Falcon City, (of Wonders!)

Cannot find any more pictures although took alot of them and cannot download my drawings and sketches cause have not learned how to scan them with the scanner here...I am stuck with writing my thoughts of the last few days after being back from Switzerland.

Yep, thats about how it is feeling inside like the demon is about to break loose just waiting for that excuse and don know what it is or would be yet, trying hard to cap it down like. Maybe its the place, cant put my finger on it but it seems to have no energy or just dead plain old lifeless. I am taking advantage of the solitary quietness of the place and doing my meditation, reflectiobns contemplations whatever you want to cal it as much as I can. Mostly watching and observing my thoughts as they rise and disolves. It is very intrestning how your thoguhts works when you can step back and watch them without any attachment. With any judgement or encouragement: just bare observations.

Questions after questions arises and answers upon answers responded and itbecome like a ringling circus of discussions after awhile over subjects that can be from if my daughter is ok where she is or my persuing the course of action in this life is foolhardy, a waste of a lifetime. The movies i watched, the eel in the tank that refuses to eat, my son and his nose problem my friends in Penang with their daily life... thoughts will rise incessantly like hundreds of channels on Astro network. For years now i have been trying my damndest to understand this most routine of all phenomena in my life. Who or what is rattling the chains in myhead?And how can I stop this never ending train of thoughts? this load of incessant noises hankering in my mind depriving me from any form of peace and quiet. What is worse most are like broken records that keep playing the same lines over and over.

So,for years now i have set upon myself to quest for a way out of this mental gridlock and it has been one long trip often boring as hell and most of the time a great waste of time just sitting there on my arse staring into emptiness looking for a solution and answer, a way. All the while off course it was right there before my eyes, the answers! It did not come in one smackdown drop but trickled drop by drop breath by breath, it is not easy to break the "Seventh seal". The veil of ignorance and enter the prescence of 'Being'.. I touched this feeling in this house. I look inside my heart, i look inside my soul...with thoughts hovering in silence like a bunch of 'Squids' at the gates of Zion. (Matrix, The Movie))

Oh, it's not that I made any big discovery as far mind trips goes and spirituality for that matter, but I discovered little indicators of what and how of my thoughts, move on into deeper layers of my subconciousness without feeling any fears or doubts. Exploring the workings of your mind can be quite disturbing at times without a guide or teacher especially if you are sitting alone in a large house with no one else around and thoughts conjuring up images you would not like to really confront if you can help it. Hey wake up! You will be telling yourself, dont let your thoughts fool you! And you find yourself talking to your 'self'. Fear is the key.

We believe and dis- believe out of fear! Fear is the conditioner that dictates our state of mind, nailing our feet to the boards so we cannot take another step towards the light of wisdom. Fear is the demon that rules our sense of being who we are or what we are, our beliefs, conciousness, impulses, perceptions, fear lurks behind every choices we make in order to liberate our-self. Fear of death,of what lies beyond death, fear of the unknown of what we do not know about the mysteries of life, of how our minds works...fear locks us in our closet of ignorance. And how do we overcome fear?

It is doubtful that we can..overcome fear not entirely, not while living in this conditioned state of being, however we might be able to make every effor to understand the nature of fear. What is it that we are afraid of? What is the worse that can happen if this fear grips us in its claws? We die? We are subject to suffering or excruciating pain? These are the manifestations of what we fear or the outcome. We fear imprisonment if we break the law. we fear redicule if we fail in what we claim to be good at, we fear disappointment when what we expect so badly does not happen, fear comes in all kinds of forms and shapes and we are the victims of our own self created fears. How do we circumnavigate our conciouness in the ocean of fears?

We can only overcome fear through 'right understanding'.
Whats is right understanding of fear? Read J. Krishnamurti on fear. Just type exactly as it says.
or you could listen to Erkhad Tolle on You Tube on the nature of 'Fear'. It is my belief that each and everyone of us has to at least make an effort to get to know one's fears, their origins and their negative effects on our lives.