Thursday, March 05, 2009

And the journey just keep going...










Left for Terengganu yesterday and headed for the Kelantan Thai/Malaysian Border where we had hoped to get karim's Passport stamped at the Immigration post which would buy him three more months of legality in the eyes of the Malaysian Immigration Department. It has become yet another added pain in my life to have this to worry over. When we arrived in Pasir Mas near the Thai Border we found out that karim had left his pass port in Penang! So to make a long and aggravatingly painful story, we drove on to Kuala Terengganu and delivered my sister and her daughter's car at her home there and booked two tickets on the bus back to Penang which left about two hours after our arrival.
After a long and uncomfortable ride we arrived in the morning here and called my cousin to pick us up... what a pain!
Another round of testing Ya Allah?
I must abmit that my face has not really been rubbed into the dirt as just yet and that what You got in store for the likes of me much more than. Alhamdullilah!! You are the Tester.
And yes I have much more to be cleansed of than meets the eye, hence for every trial and tribulation you lay in my path I say thank You Lord, Alhamdullilah!!
There's pain in my chest now where there was none before and I am alot less energetic than normal and this too I thank You perhaps it is time for us to wrap up the show and move on to the bigger shows. Anytime now i am most greatful to end this so called life and return to You for better or for worse. I understand now and fully accept my faith and belief in You let this piece of garbage be my testimony to this fact, if given the choice i would leave this life anytime!
Thank You for having given me such vast amount of experiences and so many things to be proud of as accomplishments for the past sixty years and thank you for Being there in times and moments when I called out to You in the nadir of my life. I know and i felt Your answers often enough, Al;hamdullillah!! There were times when I least expected You stepped in and make things happen which or stopped them from happening for my benifit and in my younger days I used to take these things for granted but now being in the more matured stage in my life and being closer to the end I am more acutely aware of Your interventions for better or for worse as the cases might be.
Putting my faith totally in You was never easy and the need to find a scapegoat has often been a whole lot easier especially one that does not react with immediacy or too conspicuously. But now I realize with better understanding of how close You really are or how far You can be from me depending on my intentions and actions in this life, I pray that You will never leave me so far that You are beyond my reach. This may sound like a confession and it is, as a matter of fact this whole blog, Ramblings of the Cheeseburger Buddha is one long confession in the form of a diary cum psychoanalytical carthasis. Why not? After all how the hell do I try to make to make sense out of all the nonsensical episodes of my life? You only know how much blunders I have made in the past and am still making wevery step i take towards You, how do i justify myself for all these wrong turns and lost cases if i dont somehow keep track of myself in this manner. Screw if no one read this mind stuff but to me it is all a keeping of a record of my every move and my every thought and visions, it is my effort in getting to know who I am. As the nephew of the Prophet (PBUH), has said "He who knows himself, knows his Lord."The self is the most elusive entity to get a hold of as some else once said and 'nafs' is something more slippery than an eel for one like me who has most of his life been gambling with fate and destiny. Ever taking chances and making wrong choices just to test the outcome has always been my modus operandi which often has led to disasters and unwonted results.

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