A Reminder From The Ayatollah

" O you vile self of the writer, who made much pretence; do something about the dark days of your life and find a way out of the wretchedness. If you are really sincere and your heart agrees with your tounge and your inner intention is compatable with your outward appearence, why are you so heedless, your heart so blackened, and your lust so indomitable? Why dont you think about the journey of death, which is so full of perils? Your days are past, yet you have not given up your lust and desires. You have spent your days in satisfying lust and in neglect and mischief. The time of your death draws near, yet you are emeshed in your vicious deeds and entrapped in your indecent conduct. O Preacher who would not learn any lesson, you stand in the midst of a 'munafiqun' and the double face. Being one of them it is feared that you will be resurrected with two tounges of fire and two faces of fire, if you continue your present state."
From \; 40 Hadiths by Imam Ruhullah Al Musawi Al Khumayni

After a great amount of reflections upon what i wrote and how i felt and why i felt the way i did when i wrote my last entry, I deleted it. For those who may have stumble upon the entry might feel betrayed or cheated of might even feel like they have a glimpse of who or what i really am. It was too demoralizing and defeating and this i get from after reading chastising quotes from grat teachers and they hit me right at my core of being. Passion is for the Christ, I am a mere Cheeseburger Buddha and am entitled to making rash judgements of myself and retrack when I deem it too heavy to lay in on my soul. Enough self flogging and on to self enlightenment!

Lusts and desires are part and parcel of who i am, denying my weaknesses in these matters would not gain me anything nor would declaring them to be my strong points give me any comfort. I love life and I love being who I am, what I have done and where i have been and I refuse to deprive myself this feeelings about myself for i have earned the rights of passge to be who or where I am at. Right and wrong is still a sickness of my own and I will learn to deal with them as i progress along this path. I will celebrate at feasts and weddings and i will attend funerals just as happily for they both are equally important and none can hold on to me whether here in this world or in the hereafter without the consent of my Maker.

The problem I have with in getting to understand Islam is the fact that there is too much mention of hell and retributions as though my Lord is such a cruel and unforgiving God who sits and wait for me to return to him to answer why i kicked the stray cat in the butt ansd sent him flying down the stairs!! Ye i did it Lord, sorry, did i not say sorry to You immediately after? maybe i did not or maybe i did! Sorry! But hey i go through the garbage every chance i got at my cousin's restuarant to find fish heads and leftover chicken bones for another cat too and it is not even my cat! I dont know Lord, when I had my wife with me we had at times twenty five cats running all over the house and I was allergic to cats perhaps still am. I took care of them, fed them clean after their stinking crap and throwups! I hated it but i did it out of Love? For the cats or for my wife and kids? Damn sure not for myself!
You and me Lord we are going to have a long converstaion at the end of days wont we, and I would still be trying to justify myself for every 'wrong' turns I took in this life. I envy others who You have allowed so much fame and fortune and on top of that sent them to Mecca to visit You at Your home. It seems like they can never do any wrong right from the start, why is that so? Is this something to do with Karma? Incarnation? Evolution? But where does Islam stand on this matters i am still in the dark. Then there are those You allow to be holier than thou and get to rule the country in the process and swindle in the process at every chance presented to them and they too make it to mecca three or four times in their lifetime. Their slates wiped clean everytime they get there? They come back holier than the holies, donning the white skull and sprouting the long goaties strutting around like the messengers of Allah, preaching brimstone and fire turning and twisting human heads in the process to save their souls. What gives Lord?!

Why the carnage in Gaza not this recent few weeks but it seems for a hundred years now and still no end to it, and you call them your chosen ones, the Jews and they claim it for eternity but You condemn them in the next testament and they rebel against it. A condamned nation, Lord what have they got to loose? An the children of Palestine are throwing stones at them the reverse of David and Goliath who is David and Who is Goliath? What is Your point Lord? Please help to understand, let me see beyond political and territorial reasons let me have a glimpse of what spiritual impact this whole dehumanizing experience is suppose to have on my soul?!

Rumor has it from way back when that there is an even bigger stakes playing behind the scene, that Dajal is preparing for the final countdown of the Biblical proportion and that nations will split assunder taking sides and there will be a holocaust of a proportion that would make Nazi Germany look like a rumbble in the yard. These are mere rumors Lord based offcourse upon Your Scriptures and prophecies, heresays in the court of law. But why the drive to make man look worse than the animals, act more brutal and capable of horrendous acts unimginable compared to the beasts of the wild? Are we that bad Lord? Dont we deserve a little respite like you gave the Satan when he defied You? Why the need to play this charade of Halloween 13 or the Rape of Afganistan or the Congo Massacre Part 2, like Hollywood gone out of wack for blood and guts. Was Bosnia and Kosovo not enough? Did Attilla the Hun or Ghenghis Khan not proved their points, was Pol Pot not comparable to Hitler, what is the point You are trying to make for the love of You my Lord? That man is a self destructive entity not worthy of Your kingdom? Cant we get a little help? A shower of compassion in the right places in the right hearts even among enimies despite the poor state of global economy and environmental degredation. Cant you ease off abit and let it be, after all it is just a temporal existence for us and then face the big picture like You say, the choice H&H, heaven and hell.

I am not asking for a new messiah or a prophet nor am I saying that a major miracle is needed right about now, no Sir, all I am saying is that at least let me see a glimpse of Your hand in this mess in a more positive venture and if Dajal is playing his hand to bring the sons of Adam down on their knees and worship other than You at least give us a fighting chance of making it not an easy task for it. A sprinkle of wisdom here and there in the right minds and perhaps a charitable shower of good fortunes in the darkest heart of Africa so that they would stop raping and pillaging their own mothers. Is this too much to ask, is it t0o much to ask that the rich and the wealthy dig their hands into the pockets and share whatever they could their spare change so just to ease the burden and those in power have greater faith in humanity than just clinging on to their self agrandizement.
Dear Lord, Ya Allah!! Help Us!! Show Thyself that there is You in all these and it all makes sense from Your perspective, that it all has some form of meaning other than man screwing himself and his civilization up. I realize that You need an excuse to terminate our sojourn here on this planet at anytime into the future but please not like this not so predictably like You have no other option but to set us up against eachother's throats and claiming that we have become inhuman worse of than beasts and deserve to be irradicated. You are the Lord of Creation, Creativity is one of Your nature, none more creative than the Creator Himself! I can only ask and You have demanded of me that i ask of you and to never despair but ask, ask and you shall be given! I am asking Lord please intervene! Please put a stop to this madness this self mortification of the ignorant collective mind bent on self destruction. Enough is enough! I am not ignorant and refuse to succumb to be included among those considered to be so, I demand that there be a rehabilitation of the human spirit as a whole, a recharge of the postive energy in the Universe to promote for a more positive environment, a mass healing of the human spirit to see us through yet another millanium. This Dear Lord AlMighty! Dear Lord of the Universe and of Compassion. This I pray of You on behalf of those not under the influence of Dajal already. We ask for Peace!