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My solo exhibition is barely a week from today and i am still looking for ways to frame my works and how to display them at the Gallery. I have been through this situation everytime i had a show in the past and somehow so so far the shows came to be and most were well received by the general public. I have been asked why I have my shows, what is the purpose other than trying to make a living out of selling a piece or two to cover my costs and time and I rarely have came up with a decent enough answer. It has always been my contention that my works is an ongoing rpocess of self discovery, a journey of sorts to realize who am I and often enough this answer is met with a skeptical frown from those who are well established as Artists and Art critics. It is a cliche as I have been told a few days ago, so what is my true intention, what do I hope to gain, what is my sense of purpose? And as my former Zen Master used to ask me everytime we met, "Shamsul san, what is your original intention, your original motive?" It is like the Buddha asking what is your original Buddha Nature?
Why become an artist and living like a pauper, a parasite to society family and friends, to be humiliated and frowned upon for the lack of financial stability. Why subject myself to working at great length of time day and night creating pieces of ideas on canvass and sketch books when all around me people are struggling to stay alive day to day at the food line and welfare offices? What do i hope to prove or convice myself of with this 'cliche'? I could have made my million if I had stuck to my course of life as a sallary man eversince i had my first job in life for i was good at whatever i put my mind to. Had i stayed put like everyone else and stick to one job my whole life without making so many changes sometimes at the drop a hat. Today I on looking back in time and circumstances I realize that my life like many others like me was in my contral pretty much as I made the decissions and they were to suit what I wanted and not what was right or wrong at the time or forced tob e made by someone else or circumstance. This i beleive is the result of my practice of 'Raja Yoga' eversince i was exposed to the teachings. Although most of these events in my life were products of my thoughts and conciousness which I believe is the basic principle of Raja Yoga or Yoga of the Mind, I must admit that most of these events manifested without my consious relization or knowledge of the connection they had to my practice of Raja Yoga. It is only quite recently that I am beginning to make the connections and come to understand why and how such and such an event had taken place in my life, they are definitely not random occurances!
If there is any meaning at all to life it is to me this realization that i have very strong influence over my own destiny and what I think and wish for has great implications over what takes place in my entire life the good as well as the bad, it is all a matter of time. Having devoted long enough time contemplating and meditating throughout my life I now feel the fruittion of these practices and had I really been true to them like the Masters of old, the Great Yogis or Zen and Shaolin Masters, the Native American Shirt Wearers or the Taoist Priests, who knows where i'd be right now. But I squandered my resistance along the way getting sidetracked into the roadside attractions and sometimes getting sucked into playing the roles they had laid for me till completion before i am back on the track I had set myself through my understanding and practices. Each and every Dharma Gate upon entry has to be has to be played out till it burns itself to conclusion before the next gate opens itself for one to enter, this I am beginning to realize in my life. The more Gates we enter the more Dharma or 'Drama' we take upon ourselves and we create more and more Karmic consequences when we fail to resolve or find a resolve and free ourselves from the circumstances that had held us in captive from the moment we entered a Gate.
"Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasam gate...Bodhi Svaha!"
The Maha Prajna Paramita Hridaya Sutra or better known as The Heart Sutra of the the Buddha ends with this exultation pronounced as Ga-tay, Ga-tay... or gone, gone, Para-ga-tay, gone beyond...Parasam ga-tay, gone beyonf the concept of the word gone...All hail!
This i come to understand is how one has to leave a Dharma realm or any rodaside attraction tha we stumble upon or create for ourselves in this life, erassed, eradicated cleaned and purified of its tiniest stain within and without so that we enter the next Gate a clean slate just like being reborn or being, born-again. Without this 'tabula rasa'state of being we will forever keep dragging our previous existance into our future often leaving a trail of unfinished business or incomplete courses. What has become of he who claims to be my son living in Switzerland or where is my oldest boy who flies the friendly skies, where is my wife at or whatever happened to this and that unresolved issues that I had wiggled or forced to extract myself from for the past 59 years? I am still carrying them all on my back in my subconcious mind whether i reallize it or not. It is no doubt that my back hurts and mind is overburdened with a hosts of ghostly images that haunts me in my waking hours and in my sleep. It is no wonder that I find myself wandering down empty roads and blind alleys notr knowing where or what is happening to me often times and blaming God and the rest of humanity for my ignorances.
What has all these got to do with being an Artist? or having an Art Exhibition?
My works may not adorn the walls of prestigeous Galleries or end up in some filthy rich Art Collectors' storage room and I never and will not paint or create works simply to please another's Ego, but my works are being created in the process of trying to destroy mine. If there is an intention or goal to why I have these shows it is to be able to share myself, my searcha and quest towards a 'Right Understanding of Who am I". Right Understanding is the first of the Buddha's 'Eight Fold Path". In everything i do every move i take, in every though that is manifested in my mind I strive to act with right understanding, however I am subjected to human frailties or weaknesses just like everyone else and often enough have made one move too many in ignorance. Thus like everyone else I am stuck in this realm wheeling and dealing my way through to survive and make into the next realm albeit the 'Alam Kubor' or Alam barzakh, the grave or the pergetory, heaven or hell whichever lay in store for the likes of me or if not I might end up returning as a bitch being so sexually driven that i have been throughout this life. The only way to be able to share this journey with those who are receptive enough or those who comes knocking at my door is to expose myself and the best way i know is to have a Solo Exhibition at the Balai Seni Lukis Pulau Pinang or the Penang State Art gallery.
My solo exhibition is barely a week from today and i am still looking for ways to frame my works and how to display them at the Gallery. I have been through this situation everytime i had a show in the past and somehow so so far the shows came to be and most were well received by the general public. I have been asked why I have my shows, what is the purpose other than trying to make a living out of selling a piece or two to cover my costs and time and I rarely have came up with a decent enough answer. It has always been my contention that my works is an ongoing rpocess of self discovery, a journey of sorts to realize who am I and often enough this answer is met with a skeptical frown from those who are well established as Artists and Art critics. It is a cliche as I have been told a few days ago, so what is my true intention, what do I hope to gain, what is my sense of purpose? And as my former Zen Master used to ask me everytime we met, "Shamsul san, what is your original intention, your original motive?" It is like the Buddha asking what is your original Buddha Nature?
Why become an artist and living like a pauper, a parasite to society family and friends, to be humiliated and frowned upon for the lack of financial stability. Why subject myself to working at great length of time day and night creating pieces of ideas on canvass and sketch books when all around me people are struggling to stay alive day to day at the food line and welfare offices? What do i hope to prove or convice myself of with this 'cliche'? I could have made my million if I had stuck to my course of life as a sallary man eversince i had my first job in life for i was good at whatever i put my mind to. Had i stayed put like everyone else and stick to one job my whole life without making so many changes sometimes at the drop a hat. Today I on looking back in time and circumstances I realize that my life like many others like me was in my contral pretty much as I made the decissions and they were to suit what I wanted and not what was right or wrong at the time or forced tob e made by someone else or circumstance. This i beleive is the result of my practice of 'Raja Yoga' eversince i was exposed to the teachings. Although most of these events in my life were products of my thoughts and conciousness which I believe is the basic principle of Raja Yoga or Yoga of the Mind, I must admit that most of these events manifested without my consious relization or knowledge of the connection they had to my practice of Raja Yoga. It is only quite recently that I am beginning to make the connections and come to understand why and how such and such an event had taken place in my life, they are definitely not random occurances!
If there is any meaning at all to life it is to me this realization that i have very strong influence over my own destiny and what I think and wish for has great implications over what takes place in my entire life the good as well as the bad, it is all a matter of time. Having devoted long enough time contemplating and meditating throughout my life I now feel the fruittion of these practices and had I really been true to them like the Masters of old, the Great Yogis or Zen and Shaolin Masters, the Native American Shirt Wearers or the Taoist Priests, who knows where i'd be right now. But I squandered my resistance along the way getting sidetracked into the roadside attractions and sometimes getting sucked into playing the roles they had laid for me till completion before i am back on the track I had set myself through my understanding and practices. Each and every Dharma Gate upon entry has to be has to be played out till it burns itself to conclusion before the next gate opens itself for one to enter, this I am beginning to realize in my life. The more Gates we enter the more Dharma or 'Drama' we take upon ourselves and we create more and more Karmic consequences when we fail to resolve or find a resolve and free ourselves from the circumstances that had held us in captive from the moment we entered a Gate.
"Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasam gate...Bodhi Svaha!"
The Maha Prajna Paramita Hridaya Sutra or better known as The Heart Sutra of the the Buddha ends with this exultation pronounced as Ga-tay, Ga-tay... or gone, gone, Para-ga-tay, gone beyond...Parasam ga-tay, gone beyonf the concept of the word gone...All hail!
This i come to understand is how one has to leave a Dharma realm or any rodaside attraction tha we stumble upon or create for ourselves in this life, erassed, eradicated cleaned and purified of its tiniest stain within and without so that we enter the next Gate a clean slate just like being reborn or being, born-again. Without this 'tabula rasa'state of being we will forever keep dragging our previous existance into our future often leaving a trail of unfinished business or incomplete courses. What has become of he who claims to be my son living in Switzerland or where is my oldest boy who flies the friendly skies, where is my wife at or whatever happened to this and that unresolved issues that I had wiggled or forced to extract myself from for the past 59 years? I am still carrying them all on my back in my subconcious mind whether i reallize it or not. It is no doubt that my back hurts and mind is overburdened with a hosts of ghostly images that haunts me in my waking hours and in my sleep. It is no wonder that I find myself wandering down empty roads and blind alleys notr knowing where or what is happening to me often times and blaming God and the rest of humanity for my ignorances.
What has all these got to do with being an Artist? or having an Art Exhibition?
My works may not adorn the walls of prestigeous Galleries or end up in some filthy rich Art Collectors' storage room and I never and will not paint or create works simply to please another's Ego, but my works are being created in the process of trying to destroy mine. If there is an intention or goal to why I have these shows it is to be able to share myself, my searcha and quest towards a 'Right Understanding of Who am I". Right Understanding is the first of the Buddha's 'Eight Fold Path". In everything i do every move i take, in every though that is manifested in my mind I strive to act with right understanding, however I am subjected to human frailties or weaknesses just like everyone else and often enough have made one move too many in ignorance. Thus like everyone else I am stuck in this realm wheeling and dealing my way through to survive and make into the next realm albeit the 'Alam Kubor' or Alam barzakh, the grave or the pergetory, heaven or hell whichever lay in store for the likes of me or if not I might end up returning as a bitch being so sexually driven that i have been throughout this life. The only way to be able to share this journey with those who are receptive enough or those who comes knocking at my door is to expose myself and the best way i know is to have a Solo Exhibition at the Balai Seni Lukis Pulau Pinang or the Penang State Art gallery.
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