I have not been writing much lately simple because I have lost saveral of my entries in the past that I believe it is not meant to be and that it is time to let go of this habit untill such time when it is meant to be. I like to write as it helps me to evaluate my status at the present by reflecting upon my past and hopefuly be able to forge into the future with a better sense of direction. So if this piece too is lost in the mail well then I still continue with the believe that the AlMighty is till holding me back from expressing myself for some unknown reason and no one for that matter will know about it and hence it does not really matter even what I am sayinng at present.
Hoping for the best I wish to relate my life as of the begining of the new year till the present, what major events has transpired since and where I am headed for henceforth. One of the most significant event that has taken place in my lifwe thus far is the fact that I have found a female companion, someone to keep me from totally in a depraved state of being lonely for opposite sex. It is not an easy move for me to make as I have been without any female companion eversince my wife left for the state four years ago and I have not had any sexual encounter eversince my daughter who is now almost sixteen was born! Nope! Not even with my wife and I never swore myself to become a celibate for whatever reasons. Its just a fact of life and there is none to blame for it is beyond blame. I missed having a sexual partner no doubt however out of respect for my marriage and my wife I hads never ventured to have any consummate relationship with anyone and somehow over the years gotten used to it.
My lady friend at present is someone I met by chance and she is from the Philipines. I like her simplicity which attracted me most about her and I enjoy talking to her about life and teasing her about her ways. Who knows where it will all lead to but at present I am happy that i have someone that I can allow myself to be a man again after all these years! Although i have only met her quite recently I am already beginning to feel my old self starting to come alive. It seems like I have been holding back a dam of emotional floatsam within me and they are about to break loose, released from their years of confinement locked within bY guilt and ignorance catering to the needs of others and what they have to say. Today I say to hell with all those who have been passing heavy duty judgements upon my life style and habits and i am goin to rise from my ashes of self deprivation and guilt ridden trips into what is in store for me for better or for worse.
I welcome the new year with a new breath and a new spirit, the spirit of liberation and freedom from cares and wants, from confinement and restrictions and subjugation, I am awaken.
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