Miseries comes in three...so they say

My car refuses to start for the first time since I bought it and so this morning eventhough I had a day off I could not send my son to school, Karim got lucky again an so he sleeps in instead. I have only ten ringgit in my wallet and that rules out getting my car fixed for now unless i go around begging for help from my cousins here. I had intended to go to a function at the USM where there is a sort of seminar for artists -resented free for artists at the Muzuem there but again my fortune eludes me. So here i am doing next to what I can think of as being a creative act instead of crying ove what is the inevitable. Payday and my final working day is not til next week Tuesday how I survive til then is in the handfs of my Maker the Giver of Pain and Pleasure to Whom I have submitted my destiny eversince I decided that my life has been a long chain of wasted events and episodes with no depth of truth worthy of an intelligent human, I was merely existing for the sake of filling space and time and have practically no control over my own fate, like tall grasses swaying to the breeze.
The horrors of not being gainly employed has already began to sink its claws into my heart as I sat this morning on the steps to my house and contemplate what next. I watched the same old ladies as they go about doing what they do to fill their time and space, my neighbours, I am beginning to see myself in them doing the same when all is said and done, waiting for death. As I have said before my mind has the tendency to see the worse of scenarios before they happen, its one of my negative traits among the many. It is one of those habits that I have for years been struggling to eliminate from my mind's database but has little success with. One of my practicess eversince I discovered it some twenty years ago is the art of auto-suggestion or a sort mental hypnosis whereby i will recite these lines to myself every night before bedtime and morning upon wakening.
"I am WHOLE, PERFECT,STRONG,POWERFUL,LOVING,COMPASSIONATE,HARMONIUOS and HAPPY AND I CANDO WHAT I WILL, INSH'ALLAH,(god WILLING). I added the last words just incase my ego gets the better of me. This practice came from a book I used to carry around with me called the "Master Key" by Frank Haarnel. It was loaned to me by my friend Rahim whem I was 19 years of age and I later took it with me to the US. The practice I held on to must have worked for me for better or for worse as my life has proven so over the years, I can safely say that I have lived beyond my wildest dreams often times for I have been to places and done those things that many would just dream about or watch others do on TV. I have met great teachers and made exciting friends who life had shed lights upon my own, I have experienced events that shook the entire cities like the San Frqncisco earthquake of 1989 and the the Sarin Gas attack of the underground subways of Tokyo by the AUM Shirinkyo Group in 1995, I watched the Makushin Volcano spewed dust into the skies of the Aleutian from a four sitter plane, I have experienced what it was like to fish for hHalibuts in the Berring Sea.
I have walked beneath the clear skies of the Andes Mountains of Colombia and Equador and I have celebrated the Gawai Hantu along with the Ibans of the Five tribes of Head humters of Borneo, drunk for three days and night from rice wine.
But today I am not feeling all that mighty anymore as I face my long time buddies the prophets of doom and gloom like monkeys riding on my back, like dead carcasses of the Albatros hanging like a curse around my neck. If I give in to these feelings sooner or later I will drown and I will drag all those around me to the bottom. My car not starting has set off my second bad luck since learning of the refusal to renew my contract at work what will be the third negative vibe that will seal my fate? I am WHOLE, PERFECT,STRONG....SO HELP ME, YA ALLAH!