Today is my day off, its Thursday the 31st. still now money in the bank the pay cheque is not being okeyed yet. Tough shit! I am spending my time at Dah's house, my late friend Rahim's wife who gave my something for my gastric disorder causing a good amount of pain in my chest especiually on the right hand side. I have the ominous feeling that I might at last be finding out the beginning of the final cause of my own death. This pain is a little bit different from those in the past in the same area and more acute bnut I hve to just confirm my fears with the doctors one of these days I guese.
I got an email from my number one son at last telling me a whole lot more than he normally would if and when he writes. I am very proud to know that he has made it through his training to become a captain for a commercial Airline in the US although at the cost of an exzorbitant amount of US200,000 for his educational fees. I only hope that hius salary in the next few years can keep him alive while at the same time be able to keep the loan sharks off his doorsteps. My son I am proud to say has his head glued well to his shoulders and now that he is beyond my worries I feel blessed to the fact that Allah has been kind and generous to him and me, he could have turned out alot worse but he thanks to his Mom primarily he has become a success.
My second boy I have not heard from for quite sometime now, perhaps hiding under a stone somewhere smoking that whacky tobacky with his buddies out on the Swiss Alps somewhere clouds hidden whereabouts unknown. Well to eahc his own as the route to 'Reality' is as many as there sentient beings on this face of the earth. He is not a very happy camper nope, but he has his excuses all legitimate beginning with my error making him an illegitimate child. I hope to the Alight that one day I get to see him despite the fact that he take a slug at me in the process and ot to mention my having to justify this error of mine before the High and Mighty and hope for Hu's compassion. Well whatever he is up to I do hope that it is always positive creative and not wallowing in self pity and anger. If he ever reads this I hope that he knows I love him regardless.
My third sone was still in bed when I left this morning with his younger sister sleeping on the floor next to our be, they are on vacation and were out late last night. I took them to "Pirates of The Caribean 3" and came home late. We saw all three movies together the one, two and three just as we did 'Spider Man. and the 'X-Men', it is kind of family thing at the movies. My son has been sleeping over at his friend's house alot lately and comes home on my off days to be with me and had I got my salary in the bank today I would have taken both of them shopping for their daily needs, but as it is not tobe so I rather take it easy and do what it is that I can do that does not cost any and yet more productive in the long run which is continue on with my efforts in recording my life for their posterity.
My daughter is the most sensitive and a deep thinker and most probably carries my genetical make up in her behaviours. She now is hooked on reading and and we discuss life at a more adult level with me trying to make her understand what I have come to conclusion about life itslef, my beliefs and my philosophies, my likes and dislikes my actions and intuitions, my strength and weaknesses.She is more perceptive of every move and every feeling I have by watching me closely studying my moods and actions. She, like all her brothers seems to have intelligence where it matters.
May the Al Mighty forgive me for all my errors and weaknesses in the past and especailly those that has affected my children's lives in one form or another and may Hu protect them take them into Hu's care to become at the end of their days good Muslims by choice not by force. I can only shae my thoughts and feelings with them and it is impossible for me to undo what has been done in the past I can only give them food for their thoughts through my exposure of my own perceptios and conciousness, my experiences and failures.
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