What's up with all my kids...

Today is my day off, its Thursday the 31st. still now money in the bank the pay cheque is not being okeyed yet. Tough shit! I am spending my time at Dah's house, my late friend Rahim's wife who gave my something for my gastric disorder causing a good amount of pain in my chest especiually on the right hand side. I have the ominous feeling that I might at last be finding out the beginning of the final cause of my own death. This pain is a little bit different from those in the past in the same area and more acute bnut I hve to just confirm my fears with the doctors one of these days I guese.
I got an email from my number one son at last telling me a whole lot more than he normally would if and when he writes. I am very proud to know that he has made it through his training to become a captain for a commercial Airline in the US although at the cost of an exzorbitant amount of US200,000 for his educational fees. I only hope that hius salary in the next few years can keep him alive while at the same time be able to keep the loan sharks off his doorsteps. My son I am proud to say has his head glued well to his shoulders and now that he is beyond my worries I feel blessed to the fact that Allah has been kind and generous to him and me, he could have turned out alot worse but he thanks to his Mom primarily he has become a success.
My second boy I have not heard from for quite sometime now, perhaps hiding under a stone somewhere smoking that whacky tobacky with his buddies out on the Swiss Alps somewhere clouds hidden whereabouts unknown. Well to eahc his own as the route to 'Reality' is as many as there sentient beings on this face of the earth. He is not a very happy camper nope, but he has his excuses all legitimate beginning with my error making him an illegitimate child. I hope to the Alight that one day I get to see him despite the fact that he take a slug at me in the process and ot to mention my having to justify this error of mine before the High and Mighty and hope for Hu's compassion. Well whatever he is up to I do hope that it is always positive creative and not wallowing in self pity and anger. If he ever reads this I hope that he knows I love him regardless.
My third sone was still in bed when I left this morning with his younger sister sleeping on the floor next to our be, they are on vacation and were out late last night. I took them to "Pirates of The Caribean 3" and came home late. We saw all three movies together the one, two and three just as we did 'Spider Man. and the 'X-Men', it is kind of family thing at the movies. My son has been sleeping over at his friend's house alot lately and comes home on my off days to be with me and had I got my salary in the bank today I would have taken both of them shopping for their daily needs, but as it is not tobe so I rather take it easy and do what it is that I can do that does not cost any and yet more productive in the long run which is continue on with my efforts in recording my life for their posterity.
My daughter is the most sensitive and a deep thinker and most probably carries my genetical make up in her behaviours. She now is hooked on reading and and we discuss life at a more adult level with me trying to make her understand what I have come to conclusion about life itslef, my beliefs and my philosophies, my likes and dislikes my actions and intuitions, my strength and weaknesses.She is more perceptive of every move and every feeling I have by watching me closely studying my moods and actions. She, like all her brothers seems to have intelligence where it matters.
May the Al Mighty forgive me for all my errors and weaknesses in the past and especailly those that has affected my children's lives in one form or another and may Hu protect them take them into Hu's care to become at the end of their days good Muslims by choice not by force. I can only shae my thoughts and feelings with them and it is impossible for me to undo what has been done in the past I can only give them food for their thoughts through my exposure of my own perceptios and conciousness, my experiences and failures.

Those who really cares in your life

My elder sister came for a visit and left a couple of days ago. I have two sisters and she is the older one. her husband passed away saveral years ago he was the guy who set up a bakery shop, one of the few original ones in Kuala Terengganu and was originally from Islamabad in Northern India. My sister is one of those peopl in my life that has been most supportive and compassionate towards my family eversince we came to this country from Japan.
Today although with the departure of her husband she has found a little peace and time on her hand she is however still carrying a few dead albatroses hanging on her back and one of them is my drug addicted nephew whose bad choise of lifestyle had caused untold miseries for my sister and most probably contributed greatly towards his father's demise. The state government is requisition part of the land where her house stands to make way for the highway and is squeezing every cent they could from the actual cost of reimbursement or compensation for the land. These are a few of the things that she has to deal with before she too join her husband and i can see that if she has the choice she would have quit this life herself for all that it is worth.
A friend of mine and artist in San Francisco is sending me some art materials simply because he is an artist who saw my works and loved them for what they were and for the past twenty odd years he has kept knocking on my door to make sure that i am still sketching and painting. Richard S. is a great artist in his own right in the San Francisco Bay Area and has a heart of gold to boot. We were neighbors sometime in the early Nineties living on 2nd Avenue and Balboa in the Richmond District of SF. Richard in my book is one of the best Illustrator and a very disciplined artist who knows what he wants and where his talents lies. As he very much picks and chooses his friends I am very fortunate to have met and made his acquaitences over the years.
There ar a few people in my life who are still of keeping in touch with me through the Net from SF and Sendai in japan and they are like my extended family, the brothers and sisters I never had. Tomy Nagai Roeth and family and Emi Yanagisawa and family, Masaharu Tsubaki and family, Mohammad Rafi and family in Kuala Terengganu and Raof Rakinan and family in Kuala Lumpur to name a few. Our lives has touched eachother's in more than one ways and we have shared both the happy and sad times the good and the bad times and we have watched our children grow while we join the ranks of the elderly. All in all I must say that I have had some great times in my life and dare say too that more so than most in the United States and Japn and here in Malaysia but without the love and care of the few who mattered it would not have been possible.
I write today for those whose lives has touched mine and mine theirs for better or for worse.

What's Up with Work?

The Jerejak Resort and SPA is a phenomenal place to be working at and at the moment the resort is trying very hard to stay afloat and sometimes it feels like the whole Jerejak island might just sink into the ocean just from the shere weight of debts that is owed. Today the TNB has come to cut off the electric supply as the Resort owes some 26K of electric bill for this month and back dated accounts. The old fart whole delivers this bad tidings seems to enjoy his work as I see hime just about every other month. He acts as though he owns the Electric company and he is God AlMioghty when it comes to shutting off the power supply to any who cannot afford to pay up their bills. I wqould have told him off a thing or two had it not been for the fact that I might make matters worse for the Resort and not to mention myself.
The new Resort Manager is slowly beginning to show his true character and it is not what i would call a great character to run a Resort. He may be talented in managing money but I have my doubts about his ability to bring the place to life. Needless to say I am about had it with working under such hopeless condition where there is no sense of direction or collective cohesiveness to make things work. It seems like everyone has their own mission to accomplish but no one mission is common to all. There is no management credo and things are done like one is running a liquor store instead of a 4Star Resort.
Oh well what can i say without jeopardizing myself if I say too much about my own employer so enough said. At my age there is not much out there that I can do except go on my own and going on my as an artist has not been too much of a success in the past. What is holding me back I cannot pinpoint but it seems like when it comes to selling my works i fail miserably. The one thing great about being an artist is that I am still able to draw or create regardless if i sell or not and ther is always the hope that one day ha! One day! If only that day is around the corner hell i could sure use it to get me out of this rut that i am in before it is too late.
The advantage of woreking at the ferry terminal where i am at is the fact that it allows me plenty of time to do my own thing in between ferry schedules. I have been able to do alot of reading and drawing without being interupted and in a perfect environment where the sea and the island is part of the landscape around me. The guys i work with at the jetty are pretty laid bakc sometimes too laid back but hey what else can they do when there is not much to do. My helper is aNepalese I call Lil Bahadur! although that is not exactly his name. He is addicted to the four digit lottery and a few days ago won two five hundred on a winning numbers. He is hard working and has a respect for me like a good right hand man that I can trust. Then there is the security man whop moves slow and is often fast asleep in the guard booth. He is okey once you know his game when it comes to work.
Well it is work and it keeps me and the kids still in the picture day to day what more can i ask for considering what I have lived through all these years and the places I have been things i have seen and experienced most that money cant buy. So for now I will abide what is there in front of me and keep on working at it and hope for the next big wave to ride out with.

Good bye my friend Cikgu Yusof Ali

On the third of may I lost my friend Cikgu Yusof who passed away in the aftenoon on my day off after three months or so of non stop coughing. His departure was a great loss to me as I have become very close to him as a friend and a mentor. He has seen me through many difficult times and through his compassion has delivered me from many a despairing moment since I setteld down in Penang. Cikgu was a character in his own right with a great sense of humor and a sharp tounge when it comes to defending his thoughts and ideas against those who are skeptics. He was a scholar and may be considered even a teu Sufi adept if not a teacher for most of his life he has been a spiritual seeker and travled to many places in search for answers to the myteries of the Lord of Creation. He introduced me to the path towards the Lord of Power through long discussions often taking us into the wee mornings hours. He introduced me to books that I would not have studied had I not met him books of great Sufi Masters such as Ibni Arabi and Sheikh Kadir Al Jilani and today's contemporary Islamic writer Ahmed Hulusi.
All his life Cikgu has been a school teacher among other odd jobs that he had mentioned, but it is as a school teacher that the community here will remember him and a s an incorigible social critic when the need arise. I had traveled with him all over the State of Kedah sometimes in the middle of the night just visiting friends or getting a massage. Meeting another spiritual seeker or simply enjoying the best Tom Yam soup in the Northern states of Malaysia. Wherever we went he was well respected by those who knows him and people seek his advice which he freely offers over matters they cannot find solutions to.
Well here's to you me good friend and brother I hope your find what you have been seeking after all your life and how i wish you could let me in on the secret sometime whatever it is that you have discovered on the other side of the veil. May you find the crossing of the Sirat'l Mustaqin an easy breeze and may the Lord of Truth receive you to be among his favourites for you in your own ways have surely deserved it. I will miss you.