Worked some extra hours today as my replacement decided to take a medical leave and so I decided to take it easy the rest of the night by visiting my friend and mentor Cikgu Yusof who gave me a few invalubla lessons on deep spiritual breathing and the moving of energies while focussing on the Names of the AlMighty. I have learned something very significant in my spiritual search, something that I have not understood before. It in some sense a practice of self affirmation like the one that I had been carrying with me since I read the book "The Master Key" by Frank Haarnell if I am not mistaken abook I had taken with me to the United States when I first left Malaysia sometime in 1973. I borrowed the book from my late friend Rahim whose picture at the moment is looking down at me while I am writing this for i am using his daughter's PC. The book was bvorrowed from Cikgu Yusof by Rahim who had received it from his friend the father of the former Deputy Prime Minister, Dato'Sri Anuar Ibrahim. Cikgu has never forgiven Rahim for loosing the book and now that he knows that i had the book he will never forgive me for loosing it to someone else in the United States.

"I AM WHOLE, PERFECT, STRONG AND POWERFUL.
LOVING, COMPASSIONATE, HARMONIOUS AND HAPPY...
AND I CAN DO WHAT I WILL TO DO...INSHA'ALLAH...ALLAH WILLING."

Or something to that effect and i kept it as my Mantra eversince I could remember, returning to it even after years of forgetting the Zikr. But I now realized that what I had been practicing has been in consistant with the teachings of what I am being instructed by Cikgu, only he has upgraded the right method and put it in a more sublime level. In the Zen tradition Cikgu would fit well in the Rinzai sect in appraoch where the strive for instant enlighten ment is practice through dropping bombs, thought shouts and slaps through shock therapy treatment of the HUMIND. I practiced Dogen's Soto Zen which is more gradual and not as spontaneous. I prefer the Soto school in approach as it allows me the time to be compassionate towards myself as well as others, I am in no hurry to become liberated from this life mental or phisical, not till I heve exhausted all my options and truly run out of steam to burn any more bridges behind me.
I have two children who requires my attention yet and they as well their elder brothers one in the US and the other in Switzerland deserves some form of conclusion on who or what their father was so that they can reflect upon my thoughts and actions an learn to avoid the pitfall I fell into while living this life of a true seeker or a charlattan. I learn quite a while ago to reach by example when it comes to my children and this I believe is the reason why I like to keep my journals and now writing this Blog. Not all my examples are impeccable and not all are without merit but if they ever read my writing or browse through my journals and perhaps noticed how I have been able to stay afloat despite the odds or fall flat on my silly
ass at times. they might have learned a litlle about their father and his ways in life.