It's my day off, whoop- dee- dooo!! Woke up as late as i could to avoid being hit by the blistering hot day and the drag of having to look for a place to eat and face my son when he gats back from school having nothing to offer him in terms of pocket money. I am living on borrowed financial status, broke to the bone and dont seem to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. What a way to live what a bloody life, it Is a Sin to be poor oh well it is a sinb to be broke. Cannot equate life with poverty as wealth is relative. One can be financially broke but rich in experiences or knowledge. But not have enough money to make ends meet sucks!
I have stooped to begging my son and a few close friends into sending me a hunbdred bugs just to pull me through this phase in time and yes it is a shame and it is low but it had to be done. When i meet my Maker if I do get to meet Him at least I cannot be blamed for not asking or in this case for not begging. He cannot lay it on my sense of pride anymore, as I have laid my pride on the table. Off course in the MUslim or Islamic tradition I have committed a blaspheme against my Maker as it is Shirik to ask or expect help from any other than the Lord thy God. To have complete faith in the AlMighty in every need one has to over come any hurdles in life, total submission to the Will of Allah is the way to go for a true beleaver. It s not easy, itsnot easty to practice patience, to stop the mind from anxiety attacks as to what lies in store for not having the means to stay afloat.
Oh Yeah!! Life goes on.... as the Buddha would have said its all Maya, Illusions! To pick the lotus without wetting your fingers is the trick. My solo exhibition is a few months from now and there is alot to do yet to give the best for the world to see the last of the Bahari Saga. Creativity at its best is what I had set out to accomplish in this life and that is what I will present, "The Art LIving to the fullest as an Artist" not as a craftsman but a true bonafide artist in the caliber of Paul Gaughan. To explore the world of life and cultures to experiment with life to challenge what it has to offer and to stick a finger at uthority if and when it need be. To bow humbled as a beggar and beg borrow or steal when it calls for without remorse. To give oneself wholehearted without a second thought to those who are in need to dare to love and abe loved to cheat and be cheated, to kill or be killed. To dare to be ashamed and humiliated if it is what it takes and to accept victory with grace and greatfulness. To be able to run a Hazardous Waste Facility and understand the Discourses of Sheikh Kadir Al Jilani or Ibn Arabi. To be able to live in Sandpoint Alaska. Sendai, Japan or River Road , Penang. To be married to two Americans and have a child living in the Swiss Alps. This is life, only few can tast and those who do are never ordinary men, this I will testify is the life of an Artist. The ellegant beggar as expounded by Alan Watts,the Zen Master. The mad monk at San Francisco Zen Center or the Yard Dog at H&H Ship Services on the SF water Front, the Ferry Ticket Seller in Penang or the Halibut Fisherman (Fisher of Man), in the Berring Sea or the Meat Cutter at Green Bay's Meats and Colds Storage, wherever my life had taken me I had tried my damndest to live and deliver a standard of high performance just that of an Artist, for I am an Artist all round and not just a Fine Arts Student. I am an Artist of life itself. I paint my own life, I give it beauty and I tore it to pieces, I am the Maestro!
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