What else to do?

Truth hurts, at least four rotten teeth, a nagging back ache, migraine headaches off and on, eyes getting blurry every now and then and the never ending psycho-emotional feedback from my boys which is rather sad of late. it is great to deal with detachment and rejections as part of my getting to know who I am at this late in my life, but it is a part of the so called mind created reality. For every step forward I am being pulled back by one form of lacking or another, like there is bad luck riding on my back. At this juncture in my life it is useless to cry over spilled milk, what is done is done and not a thing can be changed where karma is concern except full acceptance and moving forward a breath at a time till there is no more breathing to think about. 

Meanwhile i keep painting

All doom and gloom, or so it seems and so how does one make that move towards re-energizing and revitalizing the whole state of being and not succumb to yet another depression? Turning the negative into the positive, rebound and recoup from what is to fail and become a success even in the midst of all the trials and errors. How do i make it all happen just like i had been envisioning all through these years. Am I really creating a grand delusion that has led me and is still leading me towards my final demise not with the elegance that i had in mind but in dire need and destitution. No, i am not allowing for this to happen not in this round of my existence, i have sowed all the bad seeds the good part of my youth and have been making all the atonement in my later adult life and these may not suffice but it is what i have been consciously doing and and not with a whole lot of sacrifices made. Hence, for so lang as this body holds together and this mind still function at an optimal rating as a decent human being, i will keep on making amends and atonement through my work and practice.

Ongoing work of Lotus fields.

Letting go of past experiences is never easy and especially those events in one's life that has affected others in some negative ways; I have a very good share of these in my past life. I try not to look back too much as it does not help to be burdened by what has been done as the milk is spilled so i take it as water under the bridge. However as what the Buddhist call 'deep rooted Karma are not so easy to be laid to rest, they have to be rooted out and dealt with at least to the best of my ability. As an painter there are a few ways i can overcome these errors i have made in the past and one of them is to paint over them as though they did not exist. The other way is to work it out such that they become something new as a part of the whole painting assimilating and accepting. Then there is the enhancing their presence and making them my focal points such they become an attraction rather than rejection. By highlighting an event or a negative episode i turn it around and make it a form of lesson to be learned by those who share my thoughts; as in there is a silver lining behind every dark cloud.

Art Recycling.

All that is and all that ever was in my life was meant to become food and fodder for what i am becoming. I gather them all in a pile and turn them into a compost to feed the new seedlings that i am sowing for the benefit of all Beings in the six realms and the ten directions. What else is there to do? As all that is alive will soon be dead why not recycle what is wasted and revitalize what is just being created.