The Rolling Stone.

Sitting meditation may take many forms


Having traveled widely for a good part of my life I do not feel the need so much for a permanent residence nor do i care to keep pets or accumulate excessive personal belongings. I have avoided  often subconsciously making long lasting commitment with others as i often doubted myself in being able to keep them. I once practically lived in boxes and basement when I was going to college in Green bay, Wisconsin. IThe closest i came to having my own home was while living in an old farmhouse that was over a hundred years old and my landlord/owner was never around thus leaving to place to myself pretty much of the time. This farm house, if it is still around was located on Humboldt Road, about two kilometers from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. It was one of the most memorable times of my life living out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cornfields in summer and the white of snow in winter.. 
Home is where the heart is, so it is said, but for me my heart has been all over the place and rarely does it seems like it was destined to settle down long enough. It was not because I loved to travel as much as I was pretty much forced to moved from one location to another out of necessity often against my will. But on looking back i am very glad that i had made the choice to live as i had willingly or otherwise. Today I see my past as very rich in experiences as well as much lessons learned about what it is like to be a drifter. It was both a curse and a blessing to be drifting from one location, one venue, one episode to another as life often offers many challenges that the normal person often does not know what it is like.
When one has been able to detach oneself from missing ones's loved ones, especially the children, one is practically free to weigh anchor and set sail, with no destination in mind, one set drifting for uncharted waters and where one ends a new life begins. As nothing in this life is permanent, being transient and in motion makes more sense to me than being stuck in one place for the most part of one's life. I have always maintained that the farther away one travels in the external world the deeper one travels into the inner being of oneself. A new environment, a fresh scene, new faces and characters, new routine in daily activities, all lend to a form of challenge for the mind to cope with and the intelligence to grow. 
It is said that a rolling stone gathers no moss as this may or may not be true, I feel like I have gathered a hell allot of moss along the way as evidenced by this Blogging, this never ending tale of the Cheeseburger Buddha. If memories serves me well, i can write an episode for every pit stop I had made throughout my journey in this life so far. I may not have gathered any moss, however i have sure sowed enough wild oats in my younger days wherever I hit a port. I have had many relationship that i have lost count with the opposite sex  most of which i would rather not recount. I have left many an unfinished businesses and cut off many dependencies that I may set myself free to move on. Now i am getting up there in my age I do not regret all that i have been through for better or worse; I only look at them as my 'grist for the mill', my compost for fresh crops to grow. Yes I have lived my life to the best of my ability and it may not have been all pure and simple, but it was all a part of who I have come to be.    

Another Beginning.

From my window overlooking a part of Georgetown and the State Mosque.

I enjoy putting my thoughts in writing as it allows me to reflect upon the movement and the content of my mental faculty; my mind. I like writing it all down as it helps for me to keep a record of the course of my life and how it has changed or remain unchanged over the years. As it is I am in the process of making a major change in my life by moving in with my daughter who has rented a fully equipped apartment at the top most floor of the building overlooking a portion of the City of Georgetown as seen from the Scotland Road area or better known in Malay as the Batu Gantung area. On the opposite side the apartment  overlooks the Penang Turf Club on one side and the Kek Lok See temple at the foot of Penang Hill at the other. You can barely see the towering statue of the Goddess of Mercy or Kwan yin at the temple site. In between there is the Chinese cemetery that covers the hillside a waste of good prime land that developers must yearn to get their hands on but cannot and will not as there would be hell to pay as nothing is more sacred to the Chinese than their ancestral burial grounds.
It is peaceful and quiet up here, just the opposite of living at the Sungai Pinang house where the restaurant and catering business is a constant distraction with the never ending traffic as the background theme. There is no one to react to or answer to here other than my daughter and in essence i have what i have been asking for even if I had not planned it so consciously to happen. I have the peace and quiet and the space to do my creative work as well as my meditation practice. So as my friend at the fisherman's jetty said when i told him of my situation, "Hell, what's wrong with that? That's is the way it should be for you. Not this living with your cousins and putting up with all the noise and mental aggravations where you were at!"

A t sunset overlooking the Race track to the bottom right hand corner.

Yes, now i have my space to shift my life into a change of pace, to put to my spiritual practice with a little more intensity and do some serious Art while i am at it. Perhaps when i can afford it i will start to do some serious cooking for my daughter and I. Yes the wa

The kiving room with all the convenience. 

y I see it, life begins at 67 and it is never too late to change if it makes a difference for the better. All the pieces are in place, all I need is to take the plunge into this new dimension of existence and create something worthwhile yet in the process. Yes, there is really no planning to my life, I am destined to live life as it presents itself one moment and one dimension at a time and it is how i live it to the fullest that matters, When I say living it to the fullest, what i mean is to take it all in and make the best of what is available at the moment in time. To handle what worse case scenario that can or will happen to the best of my ability; always learning, always understanding. 
         

Don't Look back- it's alright.

What is it that i am really aiming for or to be more accurate, what is it that i really want? To be honest, i do not really know as it often changes in time for one thing. I have no clue as to what i really desire for myself other than the normal needs of the common man that he may live day to day in peace and comfort. I cannot claim that i do not need much but i also am not in need of too much to find the comfort and peace that is needed. Perhaps at my age my desires have watered down to the bare essentials of having just enough to make it to the end when the end comes.
I can safely say that i have tasted life, the best as well as the worse it has to offer, I have committed as much sin as i have worked towards accumulating my virtues and to date i really have no idea why or what i am aiming for if I am asked the question what is it that you want with this life. Yes i will most probably say, I want to know who I am am, just like I have always been yapping all these while, but that too is merely a concept or a thought process that really has very little to live by. Yes i wish to become enlightened, just like the Buddha or close enough, but what does it really mean , to be enlightened or awakened; I am still finding out after all these years. So, do i really want o be rich like my twin brother who practically has all if not more than enough or do i really want to be famous like my friends in the Art world. These are material needs that if i had truly wanted I could have had them by taking the necessary paths towards them at an earlier stage in my life. But I had chosen a different route and the route has no defined path, it has been a route where there is very few road signs for me to follow; I merely followed my own instinct.
If i were to read backwards all my Blog entries, I am sure I will come to the starting entry with a feeling of being riding on a roller coaster of uncertainties an inconclusive mind trails. This whole Blog is a product of this thinking m,ind that projects it delusions in  the  effort to make sense out of all the non sense that it has experienced and to justify itself of all the bad moves and errors that it has committed along the way. Often it is like the flip flopping of a broken record telling and retelling the same old tale of what the moral of the story is all about. As for what i really want for myself, if i have to answer the question, it would be to live life to the fullest, experiencing each and every moment good or bad with my whole being and stepping out of it at the end totally drunk or dead sober with no rhyme or reason to attach myself to. I simply was born and i lived and having lived i die without much regret to look back upon.

Arriving at the End.

If there ever was a time i felt most energetic and full of vigor in my life was when I spent two odd years at the Green Dragon Zen Temple at Green Gulch. This was when I decided to let go of all of my past and embrace whatever came my way albeit physical, mental or spiritual; in short I threw caution to the wind. I started off with a debilitating effect of a serious form of pleurisy condition in my chest and ended up feeling like a super man by the time I had left the Zen Center.. My recovery happened gradually over a period of three or four months where i spent days and nights in pain in a small room that was formerly used as a cattle coral. The cold and wet weather of the coastal area along the Pacific coast did little to help but i survived. I was set and determined to rebound from my fall and Green Gulch was the place to do it  especially with the Soto Zen tradition of practice. 
Upon entering the practice session I was full of pain and anger and my head was in so much turmoil that I thought I was going insane. I had no one that i can turn to except the strangers who happened to be there at the time and we soon became friends as we realized that we were in the same boat, all needing some form of healing. I admit that i was a very sick man and very frightened of what the futre held for me as I have been estranged from my family back home in Malaysia for many years.I was alone and felt loneliness like i have never felt before and there i found friends, people who arrived at the place with the intention of taking a refuge and healing in the Buddha's teachings in the form of Zen Buddhism. This was where i truly began learning all about sitting meditation and it was also at the center that i started demanding of myself towards discovering my true nature. I have always assumed myself to be a Muslim as i was converted to Islam at the age of 12 and as it is said. once a Muslim always a Muslim. 
Being a Muslim and practicing Zen Buddhism with al its rituals of bowing and prostrating to the idols on the altar in the meditation hall was a spiritual battle in itself for me. But as one of my spiritual Instructors told me during our "Dokusan' or one on one talk with the Master session. " If you want to joint the club you will have to pay the dues." And he went on to to say that, " If you imagine yourself bowing to something then you are indeed an idol worshiper, but if you are bowing to emptiness, then there should not be any problem." Hence, with this understanding I moved on to dive into Zen Buddhism in the Soto tradition of Dogen Zenji and the American Zen Tradition of Sunryu Suzuki Roshi. I had my mini Satoris along the way and might even say that i was awakened at some point to a whole new perspective in looking at life from then on.
Zen Practice was like a 'spring cleaning of the mind' whereby mental states was fully laid out and dissected and analysed , scrutinized and let go of. The primary idea was to empty the mind of all its accumulations and to bring it into complete focus in the here and now facing what is. Zazen or sitting meditation is one of the most effective method of bringing the mind to a standstill or single pointedness. It is like watching the Astro Channel and switching from one to the next until the is no more to choose from or the mind becomes tired of the choices and gives in to silence and the emptiness within. To arrive at this state is no easy matter as some would take almost a life time of sitting and facing the wall for years of end and still not accomplish it. Essentially the key factor in sitting meditation is breath and the awareness of the breathing process. Watching thoughts rise and fall with every breath helps one to have a good sense of control over one's mental state. 
The sitting posture plays a very vital role in sitting meditation and the spine is kept into a locked position to allow for a direct flow of energy from the abdomen to the top of the head without any obstruction and this too is managed through proper breathing. To allow for a comfortable locked in position of the spine it is advisable to place a pillow or Zafu underneath one's seat which helps to raise the buttocks and push the spine upwards. This also helps to place your knees anchored squarely on the mat as you sit, solid as Mount Sumeru. Achieving the most comfortable posture while sitting is half the battle won while doing sitting meditation and this should in time become effortless.
When you enjoy your sitting meditation, you have arrived at the gates of consciousness where your experience of life becomes pure and simple with all its trappings dropped. You become one with life itself like you have suddenly found Love itself with every breath you take. Sitting meditation can bring you to the edge of your consciousness where you become one with all that is around within and without of yourself. This is the state of Satori, or Samadhi, a state of complete awakened mindfulness of being who you are.   

Right and wrong is just a sickness of my mind.

I was once a Zen student living at a Zen Buddhist Monastery at a place called Green Gulch Farm aka. Green Dragon Zen Temple, located on Star Route One along the coastal road towards Muir Beach in Marin County, California. It was one of the most memorable times of my life that saw me through some very hard times as well as moments of brilliant lightness of being. I was brought back to life after suffering a very painful illness called Pleurisy where after a Yoga practice accident my lungs were filled with liquid and i had a very hard time breathing. Although it felt like it, i knew that it was not my time to die just yet back then , but i suffered tremendous amount of pain in my chest for a month or so surviving on pain killers and my own guts to survive I willed myself to self heal and transcend my pains. This happened at Green Gulch Farm where with the help and support of the Zen Buddhist community there i fully recovered.
What bought me to this past moment in my life? I was watching and listening to Mooji giving his Satsang at Rishikesh in India at an abandoned Ashram that once was the original Ashram of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the Transcendental Meditation Guru known World Wide in the sixties. In the video i noticed as in most of Mooji's Satsang Videos, there were mostly Europeans or perhaps Americans in the audience and very few locals. The veneration they give the Guruji as they call him is becoming more and more idolize and ritualistic that at times it has a negative effect on my perception of Mooji. So i ask why this is so. Why do i feel like i do when i watch a bunch of Europeans, (Whits) salivating over a spiritual teacher. Does Mooji has such a strong impact upon these 'truth seekers' to the point of idolatry. Is this going to be another fall of a spiritual leader who is riding the wave of fame and perhaps even fortune while delivering the words of healing spirituality. Only time will tell, time and how this whole Guru worship scene plays out itself.
At 'The Farm' as we used to call the Zen center at GG, there were similar groups of students who would lick the robes of their favorite teachers and nothing wrong can be done by these teachers. I have a naturally bad tendency towards these kind of situations where i would do all that is within my scheming mind to destroy such a development. It was my 'bad', I was never good at boot licking and hate to see anyone taking advantage of their position of authority in exploiting the weaker minds. I realized that in spiritual practice or learning it is the content and not the container that is of prime importance, however, I was not mindful enough to accept any wrongdoings where spiritual practice is concern and speaking of wrong doings I also realized back then that i was one of the worse Zen Student there perhaps ever was at GG Zen center. I was practically booted out of the Monastery after almost two years of residency, for being a 'disrupter', among other unspoken accusations. But my instructor on telling me this also winked his huge eyes from behind his thick glasses and said, " The temple gates is always open for you when you feel the need to return.

What good does it do?

So, what am I trying to proof with all these so called practices and spiritual quests for answers that have been everyone's mind since the dawn of time? Am I simply wasting my precious time living this moments day to day hoping to make some kind of out of this world self discovery that would revolutionize the human perception of itself on a collective scale or am I merely killing time. I have no idea myself as to what i hope to gain with all these having spent years in writing everything that comes to mind on practically a daily basis like a diary as though I am being pressured to do so by some unseen force from within me. If i am being paid for every entry i have made in to this Blog, i would by now have a comfortable income made. Unfortunately this is not to be so and every hour i spent on this computer is on my own time and expense which sadly enough creates a sense of guilt every time i dwell on the economics of the matter.
When I dropped by to say hello to my twin brother while i was visiting the East Coast last week, I was accompanied by my close friend Mohammad Rafi who played the roll of the go between as my twin and i hardly said a word to each other throughout our visit. The negative experience of my last visit to his home still lingered on making me felt so very uncomfortable to be in the presence of both my brother and his wife. My small mind kept asking, what the hell are you doing here? Like what are you trying to prove. You do not like the guy, but have no guts to let him know this to his face and yet you make the effort to pay him a call simply because he is your brother. Not only is he your brother, he is your twin, born on the same day out of the same womb. So how come there is such animosity between you that is thicker than bad blood between an Israeli and a Palestinian!? Such is, what can i say except that this in itself is one of the very reasons why I am writing and spending a good amount of my time trying to disentangle the tangle of my past. 
For what good it does, I feel a whole lot lighter than I used to with regard to my immediate family especially my two elder brothers the ones still alive. It is not an important issue anymore as far as I am concern, i visit them as it is my duty as a younger brother to do so in the eyes of my sisters and their children. Islam demands that one keeps a close tie with all family members and not break the bonds of bloodline; I was fulfilling my Muslim duty, like it or not. No sense in looking back anymore where my past is concern as i am very sure that I will end up uncovering more worms than gold in the process. There are some issues that is best left buried in the ground as there is really no solution to the negative effect they generate and nothing good really can be expected out of dwelling in them. The rights of passage between brothers has gone beyond respect and understanding between us, there is only judgement and accusations left hanging in the air. So, with deep regret I bow my way out of this unfortunate situation in my life, i say my final farewell to both of my brothers here and now.

Still trying to Wake up!

 So when you have been able to detach yourself as much as possible from the external infringements, what do you expect to happen that is worthwhile all that practice you have put into this achievement? Nada!, nothing! These is nothing to expect from whatever that you have thus far arrived at in your quest towards your liberation, your final cut from the phenomenal realm of existence that you find yourself in. You are still stuck in it like everyone else, you still are groping in the dark for that light switch that would enlighten your inner being from this realm of illusions. But all is not lost, you still have a good handle on your self determination and self expression that will keep you from fading off into oblivion where all the mediocrity ends up after having spent their allotted time on this earth.
You at the very least have learned the difference between  what is genuine and what is fake, when to strive on and when to brake; you have seen your inner face. You have come to realize that this body is not you and neither is the mind and therefore you are free to manifest as you please without any kind of expectation in return for there is none to return to. All is just moments in time expressed by the mind through the physical form and this will keep on manifesting until it is time for you to give up the physical form and the mental accumulations. Liberation is not something that will happen to you but has always been a part of you, but you have not been awaken to it for having fallen asleep in this realm of Maya, where not all that you see,touch, smell. taste or feel is what it truly is. 
How you live this life having opened up you wisdom eye and waking up to the reality that is not what you had expected is a matter of how deep a conviction you have towards your goal of self liberation. What are you trying to be free of? Why do you need to be free from this life as it is? Does death liberates you from your delusions? These are simple basic questions that a seeker asked when he or she sets out to find all that can be discovered of his or her own being-ness. The question of ,Who am I? still hangs before one's vision reminding of the original intention of this whole journey right from the day of its inception. Along the way you have floundered and fallen by the roadside or taken a deviation from the chosen path as protest of out of frustration and even despair. But you rise and you forge on along without looking back for there is not a thing to look back into; you are driven on your journey and the wheels are turning ever faster and gathering momentum as you go along heading towards that kingdom called Nirvana.
Still you look and listen to the cries of the world around you knowing fully well that there is little that you can do for what is out there but very much you can still work on with what you can achieve within. So live life if you must with all the dignity and the pride of a lion and walk this earth like a Thatagatha, the awakened Adhi Buddha, for that is truly who you are and who you aught to strive to become if you are not truly awaken to it; Become a Buddha! Pluck the Lotus of life without wetting your fingers, kindly bend to ease the burden of others along the path, pour out your spring of Compassion wherever you be and rejoice in who you truly are without counting your merits. There is not a thing to expect and nothing to gain, become at peace with this phenomenal realm but know that you are not influenced or attached to it.
If not here, where? If not Now, When? Can you let go of that which is tying you down, nailing your feet to the floor? Can you remove that which is standing in your path, can you become fluid like water and find your way through it all that obstructs your progress. Wake up! Stay Awake! 

Reflections of Friendship that has lasted.

Hashim, Master Boat builder of Pulau Duyung. He is also an expert sailor, a member of the Monsoon Cup Team for the Sultan of Terengganu. I have known him and his family for over twenty odd years now and it seems like life has not changed much for him despite his expertise in the traditional boat industry.

Only my friend Rafi, an ex-seaman with the Malaysian Maritime office knows Hashim's weaknesses! But that is his opinion and as far as i am concern i sit and watch and listen. Rafi is one of my closest friend ever since I returned to this country with my family sometime in 1998. He was originally from Penang but was married to a local and settled down in Terengganu for good.

These pictures were taken a few days back when I visited Terengganu as my elder sister was  admitted into the Hospital there. It is like a deja vu these pictures as they reminded me of my last visit here almost a year ago, we did the same routine. It seems like not much has chnaged in their lives except that we are all of us getting older and perhaps less wiser.

These are the men who has been a part of my life giving it some spice and meaning at times when i needed it. Throughout this Blog you will come across sniped of this part of my life spent among my friends on the East Coast in the State of Terengganu. 

I will meet you there....

"When you see the Buddha on the road, kill Him!" A Zen saying that implies the spirit of non attachment that is the essence of any form of spiritual practice. Islam prohibits any form of graven images in the Mosques and even the Muslim Homes. The depiction of the Prophet of Allah in any art or painting is prohibited for the same similar reason of avoiding any from of attachment towards the forms that is projected by the human mind. The images of the Buddha has today become an idol of veneration and even of worship in many parts of the Buddhist World; this is very much contrary to the teachings of Gautama. 
The  Maha Prajna Paramita Hridaya Sutra or the Great Wisdom Beyond Wisdom, Heart Sutra of the Buddha's teaching primarily expounds the nature of form and emptiness in this realm of phenomena of the Trikayas of the Buddha.

"Success in Spirituality Means Cultivating the Father-Son-Holy Ghost of Christianity, "Three Pure Ones" of Taoism, dharmakaya-sambhogakaya-nirmanakaya of Buddhism, and Hinduism's Brahman-Vishnu-Shiva Triumvirate. They all Refer to Mastering Fundamental Essence, Appearance and Function." MeditationExpert.com.

In this day and age of endless manifestations of forms and images that bombards our senses, we are drowned in our own inability to sieve and shield ourselves from the illusions that our mind is subjected to on a daily basis. The masters of old have laid down numerous ways of facing down this mental formations and distractions and inherent within just every religious faith are means whereby one is taught how to allow all these manifestations to bounce off one's personal consciousness. The need for silence and serenity is paramount to every religious as well as spiritual practice, this need for the attainment towards equanimity within oneself is the prop that allows for deep self realization. One has to be like the leaf of the lotus that repels water while existing in water.

In the immortal words of the Buddha, a line that has embedded into my psyche ever since i came by it. " May we exist with the purity of a lotus in muddy waters!" This image as painted by the Shakyamuni Buddha is the essence of how Buddhism helps to elevate man from this life of bondage and suffering. The Buddha is said to have later been reborn as a Lotus Born, Padmasambhava who propagated the Vajrayana Buddhism primarily in Northern India and the Himalayas countries.

In Tibetan Esoteric Buddhism, in addition to worshiping Shakyamuni Buddha, they also worship Padmasambhava. It is said that Padmasambhava is the reincarnation of Shakyamuni Buddha, born eight years after the Buddha's passing. The Buddha was born of the womb and there were many things he could not teach as the founder of the orthodox teachings. Therefore, to found the esoteric teachings, he returned born of a lotus transformation. - MeditationExperts.com.

Esoteric Buddhism such as practiced in the Tibetan Vajrayana tradition is not dissimilar from that of Sufism of Islam, or Chan- Zen Buddhism of China and Japan. The essence of these schools is Agnosticism, -a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.  

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing 
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.” 
― Jalaluddin Rumi

  

Where stand you?

Throughout the human history it has been observed that man has strived to understand himself in relation to his environment and his Maker. He has been striving to makes sense out of all the non-sense that surrounded him affecting his manners and behaviors and what he is to expect of himself as well as of others. Throughout history he came to formulate various concepts and precepts to suit his believe and faith that helps to keep him in line well balanced with nature and the world of the unseen. In doing so he has evoked many deities and Gods, he has worshiped and prayed to the mountains and the skies, even some to the animals in the various forms. Man till this day and age is still seeking to understand that which is still a mystery to him; what is life? What is Death and what is the Afterlife.
Fortunate are those to whom these were never an issue in their entire life, for them ignorance is indeed bliss. However for those who ask and demand for an answer, they carry the burden of the original sin, that of having eaten the fruit from the tree of knowledge. For those whose entire life has been in finding out the truth or the ultimate reality of what Is, knowledge is both a curse and a source of comfort. The human mind is like a sword that cuts both ways, it cuts through ignorance as well as wisdom depending on how it is wield and by whom. Hence the Sword of Manjushri the Bodhisatva of Infinite Wisdom is a symbol that holds this principle. To cut through the veil of Maya or the illusory world that we are trapped in we need the sharpness of the sword of Manjushri that can tear through the fabric of time and space to free the mind from the binds of delusions.
"The Unity of the two, life and consciousness, is the Tao, whose symbol would be the central white light, also mentioned in the Bardo Thodol. Here is yet another secret of secrets as taught in the Taoist phylogeny as well as the Tibetan Book of the Dead. This is knowledge that not too many today takes the trouble to ponder much less make it a study in our lives; we are too busy elsewhere. In this day and age of the Computer technology , learning has become a cinch as most of what you want to know is readily available at your finger tips, how often it is said and yet how little an impact it makes on those who read. The point being made here is that all the knowledge that has been accumulated throughout one's life is not gone to waste simply because one is required to have a believe in one faith only. The religions of the world all point towards the Unity of Oneness, the Merging of All Differences in Unity. To better understand this principle, one has to traverse the solitary journey of self discovery and in the end be able to establish One's Dharma Position, the platform from which one stands and delivers one's own personal stance on matters of the spirit and the soul.  
 Thus to make a claim that Islam is the only true religion or Hinduism or Buddhism or Christianity for that matter in this day and age is in itself a detrimental cause as it further segregates human spiritual growth. Most young adult today are ore than capable of thinking for themselves far beyond the ability of their fathers's generation. Most have become turned off by the religious rhetoric by the clergies and Imams and as a result most have opted for the "Free Thinkers' or Atheistic point of views as a way out. Religions today have become a commodity for the market just like most commercial products, what is even worse religions have also been turned into weapons of propaganda that leads to untold miseries that the world faces today.  

" It is not a matter of indifference whether one calls something a "mania" or a "God". To serve a mania is detestable and undignified, but to serve a God is full of meaning and promise because it is  an act of submission, to a higher, invisible and spiritual being. The personification enables us to see the relative reality of the autonomous system, and not only makes its assimilation possible but also depontiates the daemonic forces of life. Whe the God is not acknowledge, egomania develops and out of this mania comes sickness."
C.G. Jung - Commentary on "The Secret of the Golden Flower>"
Psychology and the East -pg. 40.

Digging deeper into the Nature of Illusion.

Upon waking up this morning i stood facing the mirror in the bathroom and gave myself a goo look over. Not good! What i was looking at was not what i'd like myself to appear before others. Then i asked my face looking back at me with strong conviction like never before. "What the f..k is going on?! Is this all there is to it! The fever the coughing the aches and pains all over this body is driving up the walls! What has all the Yoga and the meditation and the self reflections all these years amount o?!" I should have taken a picture of my ugly mug and posted it too, but the camera is dead like all else in my life of late. 
Off course there was no response from the face staring back at me reminding me of an old Hindu Sadhu with the over grown  beard and long unkempt hair, a sad and tragic image to look at to start the day off. Then it occurred to me to drive the demon of despair or whatever that is bugging me by reciting the Lines from the Holy Quran..."A'Uzubillah himina shaiton nira'jim. Bismillah hirRahman Nir Rahhim..." Three times. Simply means, Not in the name of the accursed, Satan, but in the Nam of the Most merciful and Most Compassionate. "Allah hu Akhbar! Allah hu Akhbar!" God is Great! "La illaha illalah hu Allah hu Akahbar!" There is none but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger!" Before i could continue my recitation of the short verses that i normally add to this, my whole body was gripped by a violent convulsion that shook me up from head to toe. As instantaneous as it occurred it was gone like nothing had happened. This has happened so many times before, so i was not disturbed. But then questions began to arise in my mind ...
Like what of the teachings of the Buddha that I have taken refuge in all these years? How do i pretend like it never took place and simply ignore the wisdom the i have gained through my practice in Buddhism? Would it be okay for me to pay my homage to this Great Being who I had taken to my spiritual Teacher since i was a child? Would I be committing the unforgivable sin of Shirik or an apostate in the eye of my Lord? So I looked in the mirror and said, "Dear Lord forgive me if I sin in doing that which I am about to do, I worship none other but You and I invoke the Name of the Buddha out of a sense of gratitude and respect as a Great Teacher. "Namo Tasa Bhagavato, Arahto, Sama Sam Buddha Sam! Homage to the World and Time Honored One. ( Three times). Then I took refuge in the Tripple Gem as taught to me when I was a child. 
It dawned on me as i was reflecting on my actions before the mirror that although my Lord is One, I wear the garb of many through my  years of devotion towards understanding all religions of the World,  From the ancient Vedas and Upanishads, from the great Gurus and Rishis of old and contemporary, all these are my links and chains in my armor that i wear, only i had failed to acknowledge them as such. I was so trapped into the right and wrong choices of what to practice and what to believe. I was often blinded by guilt, the result of my own ignorance. 
To be Contd...

No MInd , NO Buddha!

If you are truly worried about where you are headed, just look at where you have come from. It is not a matter of where you are headed of where you come from that matters so much as to how you got here; did you enjoy the journey? Will you be able to keep on the enthusiasm from this day hence towards your future; are you having a good time now?! Life is plain short and simple, don't go complicating it by adding onto more than what meets the eye. Cease to exaggerate and make a mountain out of a mole hill, stop projecting what is not there with your own thoughts and imaginations; let the form takes its shape and let it fade as it had appeared with non attachment and with bare attention. 
When shit hit the fan will you still be standing tall and smiling at the world around you? Hopefully the answer is a yes and that you will not only survive the onslaught of what lies ahead of you but also shovel off the crap you left behind into compost piles that future positive acts can be cultivated. Mindfully be prepared for all that may materialize and all that has been set in motion to happen and effortlessly act as they arise one after another without the need to conform or control. All the mental formations that arises out of the void is only the result of past actions of the mind manifested in the physical form and the are empty of their own being.(whatever that means to you.)  Hence do not hold them to be reality as it is for they are impermanent, they do not last they appear and disappear like clouds in the blue sky. It would like trying to grasp your own shadow; you will never be able to for as you move it moves with you simultaneously your shadow is a negative reflection of your physical self; it is always there when you are there. I t is the product of you blocking the light path from its source, what if you are not there physically? If you can remove yourself from this plane you will not have a shadow; you are shadow less.
So what is the point in all these? I really have no idea yet but it will come to me sooner or later. Is my mind my shadow, Can I exist without my mind? Would I be considered insane? If i can drop my mind from the equation of what is me, would i become a mindless spirit or would would I be liberated as a  Buddha.?

Yadda! Yadda! - He said!

There will always be a stream of thoughts running through my mind consciousness every minute of the day and i have to learn to accept this fact part of who my conditioned self is while in this physical form. How to create an intermission, an interlude, a break in the course of this incessant route of mental drifts is the question i have asked myself as of men of old did when they first discovered how the mind has created all the delusions of this phenomenal existence since time beginning. Albeit through the worship od a Living God or deity or through the logical understanding of the workings of the inner mind, through scientific deductions or Buddhism, man has tried to unravel this mystery of life that is corrupting our very existence. 
Like a broken record with its antique needle stuck in one groove and not able to continue on to a new line or verse, i still wish to share my take on how this can be accomplished and even as i am writing this statement i am already doing what i am encouraging others to do. That is as the NIKE Logo said, "Just Do It!" Act it out, stop spelling it out or analyzing it to death, stop wondering and expecting, stop visualizing and contemplating, just do it. The only thing that can stop one mind from its continuous reverberation is make it a a part and process of one's immediate action. Try to involve the mind to its fullest potential and try your best not allow it be dissuaded from the task at hand by any force whatsoever. If you're trying as I am doing right now just type away allow the mind to take over your fingers and express its 'mind'out. This is 'Meditation in Action." This, the way of the ancient Ones when they say, upon awakening fetch water and carry firewood, after awakening fetch firewood and carry water, nothing changes just keep the mind busy through effortless work.; an idle mind is a cause for a thousand miseries.
In short my fault lies within me and not from without. For so long as I allow my mind to rule my judgement, my thoughts and feelings, i am conditioned to become subservient to its whims. A conditioned mind is my egoic nature that every so often dictates the circumstances of my being according to its satisfaction and self preservation; that is me too. Fear, discomfort, loneliness, and despair are part and parcel of causes that leads to the desire for comfort and security which the conditioned mind readily dispenses as a salve for a temporary relief. What the conditioned mind offers, however is temporary and a permanent solution to the illness. The illness is every so often treated as a 'band aid' case, as soon as the band is applied the illness is forgotten. The illness, is age old, an ancient twisted karma, that keeps on manifesting time and again for so long as the human mind is not brought on line with the rest of the functions and activities of the owner. The bringing into alignment of the conditioned mind with the body and the spirit is called meditation.

What Future?

How to not let the external events and phenomena affect your inner state; it is next to impossible if not so. I have been observing my mind and how it has woven and twisted every thought that it comes into contact with from external stimulus. How it has exaggerated and blow out of proportion ever piece of information and episodes that it comes into contact with. I am not the mind , I keep talking myself especially when i am sitting and meditating and so is the body. I know these to be the instruments that i am endowed with to function in this physical realm, however of late the mind and body seems to have the upper hand over who I am.
 It is not a good feeling at my age as i feel like i am loosing my footing and slipping back into my habitual past letting my ego and my anger rule the day. The latest episode being my daughter returning from Pulau Langakawi where she was working a few days earlier then planned. She was bitten by a dog on her leg. The dog belonged to her employer and before she had left for the Island she had mentioned to me how she looked forward to seeing the dog again as she used to walk the dog when it was in Penang as the former China House premises. She told me that the two owners of the Bon Ton Resort had refused to get her to the hospital for a tetanus shot and she was latter helped by an employee to get her to the hospital. My daughter flew home from Langkawi using up all the money she had earned on the job and arrived in Georgetown short of cash to take a taxi back to the house. She took a shuttle bus to where her brother works at Queensbay Mall and borrowed some cash from him to find her way back home. 
I am more than pissed over the whole episode and my mind is at the moment wondering whether to burn down China House or make a police report and drag the owners to court. Not good prospects either way but something has to be done or i am not the man I claim to be. I will consult with my friend Lee Khai before i take any action just to safe and not allow for my temper and ego run amok. In my younger days I would not have thought twice about getting even with these two Australian ladies who runs around the Georgetown area like they own the place. 
This is what i am talking about in letting my ego or my dual thinking mind running the show. I have made many errors in my past and a few has cost me a whole lot of sorrow and pain, i don't intend to make the same mistakes time and again. I will take the more legal course of action and see where it takes me. Perhaps i am loosing my edge at being the one who would take on the Abbot of the Rinzai Zen in America or putting a gun to the head of a fellow meat cutter in Wisconsin, perhaps I am becoming comfortably numb in my old age. All I know is i have to think a little more rationally as I have my daughter's future to think of and not my own alone; I really have no more future to think of.  

First time meeting the Infamous Mr. Zunar the Malaysian cartoonist.

Add captionMalaysian political cartoonist Zulkiflee Anwar Ulhaque, or Zunar as he is popularly known, has been arrested under the Sedition Act for cartoons that allegedly insulted Prime Minister Najib Razak. 

Two great men in my life, one my very close friend Lee Khai and the other a new found friend who I have always admired but never met.

Zunar's cartoon has been very controversial and and he is the People's Cartoonist. He presently has a show going on in Switzerland somewhere.

Although world renowned, in Malaysia  he has been shunned by those who are pro the present government Then again that is what being  a Malay is all about and most Malays i ask has no idea who he is has not the slightest idea. THis is the country where ignorance is bliss..  

Sharing my Experience.

The young lady is one of the only  Fine Arts Student who dropped by to view the show. This is an indication how  much interest is shown by the local students at the USM . Why?

When I shared my experience more deeply, these students were more receptive and captivated by what they were exposed to.

A group of ladies came from neighboring state and were impressed with my works when I took them on a tour.

Watching the visitors from afar gave me a sense of satisfaction that my works meant something to the few.

There was always a group that would look more closely at what they were look at and discuss my works.

Curiosity and interest slowly seeped into their attention when they realized tha all these different works belonged to one man. 

When the browsed through my sketch books some of which are older then their own age held their attention and wonder.

Me and my Children.

My three children with their new found friend from Canada, (far right). We had just watched "Logan" the movie at the theater. 

My children and , it is sad that the oldest was not able to make it and i wonder if he will ever be in the picture in the future.

My exhibition is presently on going at the Museum Galleri Tuanku Fauziah- USM and i feel like i have yet accomplished another major contribution towards sharing my works with the general public especially the young adults. It has been a long and tedious effort to ge the works up but it has been done and now i am sitting back and enjoying entertaining those who visit the gallery,

This morning there was a group of exchange students from Japan and Malaysia who happened to drop by and i gave them a tour of my works especially sharing my Japan Journals which I did while living for three years in Sendai. Japan. It is interesting to watch how interested they were and how one or two just simply were not there as they were buried in the hand phone..

I wonder how uch of my message is being received by those who were exposed to my works and those who had the opportunity to listen to my Ramblings. However it is of no consequential as i know i have delivered my promise to have the show and share it with my audience beyond just pieces of art.

If I can make a difference in the development of one mind through my art show , I have done my job. I know my children were there and had a good time witnessing their father's efforts and i hope it will remain as a sweet memory into their future.

Dua OTAI Melayu - Opening Day.

The launching of my show went off on Saturday and was attended by a good number of well wishers, my artist friends and three secondary sachools were there tomake the scene nmore high spirited.

My friend Rashid and an admirer.

Secondary school students listening to my spill on what art is all about to me.

I had a great time with the young secondary school students as they were very receptive to what i had to share with them.

Close friends who had been following my progreaa as an artist in Georgetown ever since i started my artistic career here.

Mr. Lee Kahi with a group of OTAIS.

Grey Wolf - The man Without a Country.

Continued ...
Grey Wolf rose from his perch, a smooth surface on top of one of the spires of the organ pipe rock structure where he had been sitting watching the sunset. He made his way down to the small lean to he had constructed as his temporary abode located near the dry bed of the small river that had carved its way through the rocks over eons by the result of rain and flash flood. It gets cold as the sun disappears and the nights can chill the bones sometimes and so he set about getting a fire going to keep himself warm and roast the corn cob that he had with hem for his meal. When he had finished his meal of dried beef jerky and roasted corn washed down with fresh mountain stream water he settled down to do his sitting meditation wrapped up in his thick woolen poncho. He lit his long stemmed pipe and smoked the contents provided to him by the old Navajo Shaman at the Reservation. "Why the hell did I agree to do this with the old fart!" he mumbled to himself.

There was mostly silence all around him as the evening worn off into the night and he drifted into a peaceful state of being that often followed after his smoke of the stuff the Shaman had provided him for his pipe. As his mind drifted from one solitary dream into another he was aroused form his slumber like state by a a presence in the form of a luminous being all dressed up in a traditional Native American dress with bright and shiny beads and expensive buckskin hide that flows to the ground covered with ornate designs. The figure of a regal Tribal Leader with a war bonnet of white feathers stood before him holding a Tomahawk hatchet in one hand while in the other he held a circular buffalo hide shield with a white bleached skull of the Bison painted on it. His face was ancient with strong features and his eyes looked like two black marbles that stared ahead at the emptiness before him.
Grey Wolf felt cold sweat running down his spine and was transfixed by the vision, he sat frozen still, he could only feel his beating heart as it raced within him.

The apparition turned away from him and raised the Tomahawk and the shield towards the sky as he did so as though paying homage to the Great Spirit and having the two objects blessed. With the same motion the figure turned facing Grey Wolf and knelt before him laying the items on the ground in front of him. The figure then stood back up and even as it reached its full height began to dissipate and vanished into the night. Grey Wolf sat frozen still until he felt his breath return and the fire warming his body. he noticed the objects laying on the ground before him and gently reached for them not believing that they were real. He held the tomahawk in his hand and felt its weight and balance just right for him. He peered closely to the intricate engravings on the handle and head itself, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. He picked up the leather shield in his left hand and stood up facing the same direction that the apparition had faced and raised the two objects into the skies and as he did he could hear the howling of the wolves from far away echoing all through the Organ Pipe Mountains.

Early next morning Grey Wolf made his way out of the organ Pipes Mountain area to his pick up truck parked in a secluded spot away from the main highway and drove toward Tucson, Arizona, he stopped by one of the Mexican Restaurant and had his breakfast before heading north towards Flagstaff where he took the turnoff towards Gallup where the Navajo Reservation is located to visit his Shaman mentor.He had a a long drive ahead of him and spent most of his time driving while contemplating his spiritual experience at the Organ Pipe Mountains. The Organ Pipes was where Cochise had holed up when he and his band of warriors were being hunted by the long knives. The brutal history of his people had Grey Wolf's attention ever since he had met with the Shaman who related to him his past and how he had come to end up at the Navajo Reservation as a young boy orphaned by the loss of his parents in a hit and run accident along the highway 666 between Gallup and Durango. 
To be Contd.

For lack of better things to write- I will write me a story.

The voice of the Native American Shaman chanting floats around in his head as he evoked the Great Spirit of his ancestors accompanied by the flute and the native drums. He imagined the flight of an eagle flying high circling the buttes and the mesas below while the coyote howls from every direction and the Jack rabbit skittles for their burrows in the ground as the red fox slid by unnoticed by the family of prairies chickens. The sun was setting leaving behind a blazing hue of warm colors that filled the skies from horizon to horizon and the Grey Wolf sits on top of the spirit rock witnessing the fading of yet another day in the desert lands of the Sonora that stretches from the foothills of the Organ Pipe Mountains into the desert lands of the Northern Mexican borders with the United States. Except for an occasional visitor, this is practically a no man's land of deserted prairie landscape that stretches south into the Sonora Desert of Mexico.
Grey Wolf was on his second Vission Quest having spent almost a week all by himself doing his meditation and chanting to the rhythm of the small drum letting his spirit rise to meet the Great Spirit Wakan Tanka. The Spirit of his ancestors the Apache and of all the Plains People, the Lakota and the Sioux, the Navajo and the Cheyenne and of all those tribes that had been practically wiped out from the face of the earth by the Whiteman throughout the American History. A good number of his forefathers man women and children lay buried in a small cemetery at what once was Fort Bowie and today is just another roadside attraction for any tourist daring enough to have visited these remote areas at the furthermost Southern tip of the US in the State of Arizona. The insignificant grave marker reads, "Here Lies the Wife and son of Geronimo," The boy was brutally murdered at the age of nine along with his mother and other tribal members. Fort Bowie is now  another tourist attraction rarely visited by anyone except those who have an interest and affinity with the Native American History of the Wild West till this day and age.
Grey Wolf, not a name he was born with, had changed his name after a spiritual experience he had on his earlier Vision Quest, that of a Grey Wolf that had appeared before him and laid down and eagle feather then walked away followed by long and hair raising howl into the night. Grey Wolf had shivered in cold sweat after this experience and as he reached out and picked the eagle feather from the earth before him he felt a great energy surge that engulfed his whole being till he passed out. Upon relating his experience to the the Tribal leaders at his lodge at Navajo Reservation, the Spiritual Leader of the Tribe gave him the name Grey Wolf, last of the Apache Warrior.From henceforth he was no more Danny Lightfoot. The Eagle feather was kept hanging from the ceiling of the Spirit Lodge attached to a Dream Catcher that his mother had designed. "This Feather has come from the Great Spirit and it gives strength and energy to you as well as to the tribe, it will be here when you need it one day." the old Shaman had whispered to him. 
To be Contd...
  

"Dua OTAI Melayu, Pulau Pinang." - a Two Man Art Exhibition.

Perhaps at my age I am beginning to see the 'Light'. The fact that I cannot save the world much less humanity, but I can save myself and in doing so I can perhaps contribute towards saving the world and humanity. Off course if that has always been my intention for being who I am, whether an artist or a Blogger, a meat cutter or a Health and Safety officer, a Lecturer or a Rough neck on board an oil drilling vessel, a Produce Buyer or a Zen Student cum Organic Farmer, an Environmental Company Yard Superintendent or a Martial Arts Instructor: I have done all these and a few others in the course of my existence. So what have all these to do with saving the Planet? It is the realization that I have a purpose in being who I am at every moment in my life doing whatever that I do; I am here as a Bodhisatva. I am here to help with the healing of the Planet and all that is within it, I am here to help in promoting a more positive and productive collective humane spirit where mankind carries out his charge as a care taker of this Planet we live in.
My upcoming Two Man Exhibition at the Museum Galleri Tuanku Fauziah - USM is part of my testimony that i have endeavored to live my life in serving my fellow man by imparting my talent and creative abilities to be shared with those who makes the effort to share my works at the exhibit. I have thrown in practically everything I have in my stock of art works so as to share the fact that an artist can be prolific in his creative abilities and it also be able to show a continuity in his quest to becoming a recognized artist among his peers. The exhibition is primarily to share with the upcoming young artists on their way to find out what it takes and how to survive throughout life as an artist. It is an educational and informational exhibit to share my works with those who have no sense of what art itself is.
The title "Dua OTAI Melayu, Pulau Pinang", simply means Two  Malay Old Timers of Penang. In the local use of the words 'Old Timers' means two seasoned artists with time worn experience in their field of endeavor. Our intention is not only to display our talents and abilities but also to share our thoughts and feeling about our career as full time artists. Personally, being an artist is not merely being able to create great artworks but also to be able to record and reflect what it takes and how it can be of use to the society at large if not the world itself. I may not attaint to the heights of a Rembrant or a Hokusai but in their spirit I strive to be my own master at what i do; I chose to live as an artist, Creatively.
The show will run through the month of March and i hope that it will be well received by all who witness it. 

What will happen will happen.

"What life has to offer you is what you asked for and there's none to blame for all the errors you make and none to praise for the good things you have accomplished but yourself. If you are a believer than the Lord will shed light unto all that you have done in the span of your life and if you are not, well I really don't know what happens to you other than what your logical mind would conceive the afterlife would be like for you; perhaps just nothingness. Whatever it may be you still have to find the answers for yourself as it is inevitable that you will die one day sooner or later. Heaven or hell, oblivion or the emptiness of the void, you will end up somewhere even before your body is being consumed by the worms and other denizens of the earth you are buried in." My friend said while we were chatting over dinner in a restaurant.
I told him that I have no preconceived ideas about what will happen to me when I die and if i do it will only be of what i have understood as a Muslim and am committed to believe what the scriptures and the Prophet has told me. But as a thinking man I am still addressing the subject as best i can through all the scientific, logical, philosophical and religious perspective made through my journey of self discovery. I claim no complete understanding of all that is true or false about the matter but i know that I am given the faculty to think and deliberate for myself and come to a conclusion at the moment of my death. I am more concerned about life than the afterlife as I feel it is more important understand life before i can understand death; if I live well, I hope to die well. 
On a deeper level I try to understand better by looking at my inner being and what my heart has to say with regard to death and dying. I know that I have lived life as best or worse as i could and somewhere sometime I will have to come to evaluate and bring to a conclusion this 'experiment' called life and living. As the curtain is slowly being lowered I find it more critical that I find my answers and for better or worse I hope to be fully awaken when i finally fall asleep. All through my life I have been sleep walking, often not even aware that i am a conscious living soul created and endowed with this tremendous gifts of the mind and body which helps to see me through thick and thin and all that life has to offer. At 67, I am still reaching out and reaching within in order that I may maintain an equilibrium no matter what I think or do. All that I have erred I ask for forgiveness from the Higher Being, some call God others by other names and all that is of merit I ask that my deeds are blessed by the same. I cannot claim Islam or Christianity, or Hinduism or Buddhism or any other religious faith to be the one and only true faith as throughout my life I have found them all to be equally true. My personal believe is that I am the master of my own destiny and whatever that occurs in the course of my life had been of my own doing. I carry my own cross and my own laurels and i will have to submit myself to That which i originate from...call Him God or as in my case Allah.
" Innalillah hiwaina lillah hirajiu," I came from Him and I return to Him. I believe I am here on loan to carry out an experiment called life. How i fare, albeit a rich man or poor a king or pauper, wise or insignificant, I have been endowed with the free will to think and exist as i see fit from moment to moment, self aware and self regulating. Throughout the ages my ancestors from all around the globe has been imparting their own self discoveries for me to live by and i chose those that i feel works well for me at each moment in time. I am a Taoist, I am a Yogi, I am a Sufi dervish and I am the rascal, the mischief maker; I am all that is contained in my genetic make up. I abide by the laws of Karma, the precepts of the Buddha and the teachings of the Quran and the Sayings of the Prophet of Allah, I abide by the laws of Nature and the Ways of the Tao; I merely go with the flow as my own heart dictates.
Do what is right and avoid what is wrong or against nature and you will find the Kingdom of heaven right before your eyes. However live blindly in this life and you will be blind in the next or afterlife; so be awakened before you fall asleep. All the great teachings and philosophies handed down from generation to generations is as valid today as it ever was; choose your own 'Way'. Not to have any way at all is to live like a blind man with no sense of direction or light to be guided by. Even the blind, in order to survive has to depend on others who are able to see. "In this life do not waste time " said the Buddha. In this human existence one has the potential to attain enlightenment and be forever awakened thus freeing oneself from this cycle of life, death and rebirth. (for those who believe in Transmigration of the soul or reincarnation).

Discovering Jung in a Thrifty store.

I arrived home just before midnight and it is 3am. I left the  farm at 4;30pm yesterday and after leaving behind my friends at the  Farm including two couples from France and one couple from Australia and the Captain attending to a group of 50 school children from a religious boarding school. I had a good full three days of touching all bases of my regular spaces where i usually hang out at. My knee and my teeth still aches but my soul feels rewarded that I have done something useful in the course of my travelling here and there. Each stop had a gift for me to learn from and i was able to share my thoughts and feelings about life with an International group, a predominantly Chinese group as well as a Malay group of fishermen. I feel now a small sense of contentment that my efforts are not gone wasted, even the effort of making this Blog entry. I am sharing my life with the world said one of the French ladies while we were talking about my Blogging. I might not see them again, but who can tell. Does it matter?
It is 4;pm now in the late afternoon and I had just came home from the dentist who hesitated to work on me because my blood pressure was too high. He told me it could trigger s stroke and i told him not to worry and just go ahead an get the tooth out as it is a vicious circle. The pains cause my blood pressure to rise and in order to have to bring my blood pressure down, which i did through simple breathing and deviating my consciousness from the trauma. I survived and am home working on my lap top. One down and two to go and so next Monday i have another date with the young Chinese Dentist all a the cost of One Ringgit. (RM1;00).
I had taken my daughter out for brunch and we later stopped at the Jimat Store or the thrifty store run by the Salvation Army, she like shopping there. While browsing through the second hand books section i cam upon 4 books on the complete works of  C.G, Jung. It is indeed a rare find for me at the cost RM10 for five books including ,The tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller. I began reading Psychology and the East translated by R.F.C. Hull These five books will keep me occupied in the next few weeks if not months as I was inspired by Jungian thoughts and ideas about East and West merging in differences during my college years while studying comparative religions. Till this day I still listen to Jung's talks on You Tube along with Manly.P. Hall and such similar great minds as Jedu Krishnamurti and D.T. Suzuki.
As the anesthesia is staring to wear off I am now feeling the wooziness creeping of pain back into the general a area of my jaw. It is highly doubtful that I will do too much the rest of the evening and thank the lord that i have nough books to keep me occupied.        

Practice make Perfect

Upon return from the 'Farm' i dropped by my friend Ah Huat the auto air conditioning 'doctor' as he is known among regulars, at his shop. He produced a bottle of French  red wine and offered me along with RM220 from selling the scrap metals he said. We sat and chat along with our friend Joe about politics which Ah Huat hates doing but does it anyway 'sembang saja, ma!'. We talked about his 'boss', the PM, Najib and how come he is raising 20 cents more to the gasoline tab. Joe was very adamant about the need for a change in government but we could not find any suitable replacement as the opposition party is as equally not all together there to be trusted to run the country...and so it went till almost ten pm. Then I stopped by my friends at the Fishermen's jetty off Lim Chong Yu  Highway annd had dinner and hung out with my Malay friends who were watching Dr. Zakir Naik the famed Muslim Speaker on TV. We talked about Heaven and Hell a the last question on the show hd something related to this matter of afterlife. Off course Dr. Zakir was well prepared to answer the question posted by one of the audience, a Hindu, a skeptical young non-Muslim out to test the Speaker.
I gave my two cents worth on the subject pointing out that at the moment of death we are face with the most terrifying state of fear that we reach out to anything and everything  that comes to mind to cling on to. We most probably will seek out images that we have felt most comfortable during our lifetime albeit the image of Christ as depicted in pictures or our closest ones like our parents. The Muslims have been prepared to channel their mind towards the All Mighty Allah and His Prophet through their daily recitations of the Verses and professions towards the One Lord and Savior, as do Christians and Hindus etc.Each reaching out towards the deity of their choice  or the elements they have chosen to be their source of power to return to. But chances are at the moment of death, unless we are not sedate by, we are bound to have a struggle in letting go of our physical reality and enter into the unknown realm of the afterlife. 
It has been pointed out scientifically that we hardly use 8-10 percent of our human brain while 90% lays dormant or inactive. Our conscious mind is capable of suppressing most of our thoughts and emotions from freely manifesting in our daily lives; those who can manifest more than usual are considered geniuses or insane. What happens at death when 100% of the human mind is unleashed upon an unprepared soul? Perhaps this is not what actually happens, but if it does, then what Islam has done is to prepare the human mind from panic and straying form the One especially at the moment of death. There is no image ot cling to but the faith in His saving Grace and the complete unequivocal surrender unto Him. The five times a day prayer plus all the rest of the rituals in Islam is to ensure that even the most ignorant will not forget when his time approaches, his faith in Allah.
Islam prohibited any form of graven images for this very reason that the mind does not wander in desperation and cling on to an image that is most comfortable to the one dying. A smiling statue of the Buddha or a Christ looking like Charleston Heston and so forth. A mind that is used to meditating upon the formless image of the Lord will only be confronted by what he has been ordained to practice especially during the moments of death and that is to surrender to His Will absolutely come what may. This meditative state of consciousness is achieved through years of affirming to one's self that "there is None, Allah and that Muhammad is His messenger." In this, it is the same principle for all faith and religious traditions; it is a matter of Practice. As one f my friends commented, "Practice makes perfect,"