It's 7:20 pm.and I setting this down while listening to the sounds out of Congo relaxing music on this evening of the Eid Mubarak; "Malembey Congo..." The world of duality i have lived in thus far is getting more and more diverse rather that united. From the Arts to the geopolitical tragedies and from the looks of it, it spreading everyone taking sides. How is it possible that a humanity capable of creating such healing music can also produce the most heinous monsters; the children murdering leaders of the East and the West. It is my addiction to grapple with such questions even if I know I cannot convince myself of the truth of the matter; my heart aches and shakes at the destruction of lives and cities and for what?If i cannot make much sense of what is going on within and without of this human form I am assuming in this life, how much less can the lay man in the mines and fields, what are they to make out why their food cost skyrocket without prior notice and salaries drop. What would they know of the hows and the whys when a bomb suddenly drop on their neighbor's roof, where did it come from, why? For those have excess to the internet blessed are they, for they know not what they truly have in their hands; the algorithms rarely lie.
Are we in control of our minds or is it the other way round? I am addicted to scrolling, guilty like the rest of the Internet Users all over world; we look for the latest in our fancy, religions, philosophy, history, geography, science, mathematics, porn,and war. Who is making the choice? To hate and to Love without condition, who says this is it and this is not? In the Zen school the Roshi would have cut you short with a simple question; who is asking? Get your silly ass back to the kitchen! Yes who is the witness as many other schools would similarly ask. Am i the witness? Who am I ? If on this day Eid Mubarak i find an answer to this eternal question, I would be blessed. If not I will have to move on from now on creating more stories to past the time. Perhaps open my own school of Zen Yoga Sufi Center somewhere on the Island of Kapas of the Marang town in Kuala Terengganu. perhaps the final dream I have to accomplish in this life and if i can make it happen I would die a happy man; I have helped to heal the world or at least prepare who would have to face the future; the children, the young ones.Even as Neil deGrasse Tyson with a his podcast video on, 'A Scientist's View of War.' tries to make sense and pry open our sleepy eyes and truly see the reality of war in our time and age. " I don't know how World War 3 will be fought, but I know that WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein.
Islam declares that Unity is paramount, we are segregating ourselves from the universal level to the individual; we still are divided in how we think or who is doing the thinking. On this day of the Eid Mubarak I decided to break my fast, break m old habits and move on with a new and upgraded one. I have been watching allot of videos on the latest trend in the art of thinking, especially those that deals with Quantum Reflex, I have made quantum consciousness my study for the future; til one of these days I can produce fire at the palm of my hands like the magician does. This is not to proof anything but simply makes for a good story; I am a story teller by nature among other things. This is one of the ways i spend my time other than cooking, painting, watering the plants and feeding the cats...among other things. I still take allot of naps which II strongly believe is good for my body and mind. I enjoy my dreams, some of which are most vivid and interestingly thought provoking. This is who I am in this physical form, however in my spiritual lens I am beginning to see infinite possibilities ahead. If can align my body, mind and spirit in a perfect alignment, I believe i can transcend where I am at right now; how to perfectly unite all three in one complete coherence; to attain Divine Consciousness, the Supreme Consciousness that governs the Universe.
Sometimes I feel all these years of struggling to get here is worth every breath of it, and I would be lying to myself as they say, "Life sucks!" I have come to a compromise with myself, I will never stop telling my stories, exposing who I am not while trying to make sense out of all these non-sense before i exit this body for good; I would like to know why a I am here, if not who am I? Funny on the evening of the Eid Mubarak, I am sitting here entertaining myself through my fingers deliver this tale of mine. I am persuing the path of Right Understanding and Right Mindfulness, to stay on focus along the Path of Siratul Mstaqin, the straight and narrow path that leads me to His gate. I have journey for 70 odd years living the Karmic consequences of the Dharma, my past, future and the present; only Alllah has th power and grace to free me from this round of karmic existence...and i can go on justifying with more colorful and dramatic excusese, I can imagine a whole new scenrio just because I got nothing better to do and you are an addicted reader, good for you!; it's becoming a rare specie there is less and less critical free thinkers left in circulation; and they are killing Journalists on the battle field; I am a witness to all these, it is one of the reasons why I am here, to bear witness to the decadent of the human heart; swore to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha to serve humanity as a Bodhisattva, I intend to serve as I best can; I pray to my Lord in the form of servitude, I am His servant. WallahuAlam.
In my dreams I am always finding my way home through strange lands and people I have never met before in my normal life. I kept finding myself trapped in a loop of seeking my way home when in life I am home, this is where it is at. Nothing special, only the normal day dot day drama being played on an auspicious day such as was yesterday; it's 3:42 am, Sunday morning and her I am still evaluating my one month of fasting, how tragic! Then again I ask myself, what is it that you truly want in this life; ask your heart, and every heart has a desire to know the truth of what you desire, ultimately, something to be able for you to say to yourself yes, I have lived life indeed! Thank Your Lord! Today I called my two brothers and two sissters who live in Kuala Terengganu and I had the most beautiful feeling after I have talked to each and everyone; they sounded Happy, Contented and Acceptance of their lives coming to an end! So am I, for me and for them.This is what the Eid brought as a blessing.
Somalia, Lebanon, Syria, Yemen, Sudan and not to mention Palestine, is the external manifestation, the number of women i had slept with and the I could go on...beyond redemption and only the Love and Compassion of the Al Mighty has thus far held me together. In the past i had looked at the external world pretty much as a very angry young man, this is one of my major weaknesses. Often I assumed the world owe me and explanation, that I am the unfortunate; in essence to make me feel small about myself for all the big and small errors I had committed as I was maturing; on this I have to say it out loud, and the devil is in the details, within these, almost four thousand blog entry since 2005 the stories were shared. I have many things to hide and hence I have not told the whole story; the story is just beginning. This a major part of my anger management practice that over the years I have made great effort to understand and accept; this journal is my healing tool, to heal anger. So is Zikr, Meditation, Yoga and sometimes a glass of Whisky, I find helps.Anger is Sahkti is in her negative force and uncontrollable. So says the Vedas. It is highly unlikely that I have a total mastery over my angry nature, but I feel that I have come to point of softening in my nature. Nothing really matters, is perhaps an extreme expression, so I will settle with detached involvement with the external world. One can be addicted to the You Tube Videos from spirutality to science,from Mike Tyson to Neil deGrasse Tyson podcasts to the carnage in the Middle East or the semi porn allowable on FB; without attachment, with 'Bare Attention.' Emotionally removed, no sense of judgement or criticism, like or adverse to; it is a hard thing to do.
So why is there so much anger in this world? Is it because we are at the end of the Kali Yuga? The Yuga of decadent and destruction? Because WW3 is inevitable? Or is it because I am feeling I have failed in this life? I am angry perhaps because i have not been present when it matters most to others. I am angry perhaps because I am addicted to writing much more than creating art or music like I used to, or perhaps I am angry because i am getting old and have no more strength and energy to face what is to come albeit a stroke or a heart attack, or whether it is WW3; it all seem not fair. I am the witness to all these thoughts and emotions and I know that they are just illusions, clouds in an empty sky or waves on the ocean...and so forth. The mind likes to ramble, so let it ramble so long as the story makes sense and readable ; I owe it to my readers.
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