Of Love

Love, perfect, complete and unconditional Love for the Self, for all sentient beings, for the Planet and the Cosmos Itself; is a tough act to follow that only a divine nature or God is capable of. This is the original goal and this is the journey of a 'broken soul' seeking to heal itself and become whole again and one with its creator, Insha'Allah, God willing. Nothing else matters as all else is just the background of my existence, all else is just food and fodder for the growth and replenishment of being in the here and now. The body, the mind, time and space are all the props stage for the self expression of this soul while on this plane of existence, this plane that is a self created illusion, an ephemeral stage of being, of impermanence and of life and decadence. LOVE is the only Truth that can ferry me across to the distant shore and consciousness and compassion are the paddles that drives the boat forward. Where would I be without Love.

I look forward to this Year of the Ox with greater determination to complete my journey of self discovery and redemption, to bring to an amicable ending of the Journey of the Cheeseburger Buddha. I have trodden, crawled on my hand and knees, I have tasted the best the worst that life has to offer for this 70 odd years and now I am reborn into the next phase of cleaning up my past and grow further into my future with a greater sense of awareness and inherent joy for myself and the rest of the Universe; it is time to give back that which I have been given, this sense of awakening; Beings are numberless, I vow to awaken with them. The first of the Bodhisattva Vows is still burning in my heart, the will and desire to help others through whatever means I am capable of and become the ferryman that leads others in need towards the other shore. I serve my Lord through servitude towards my fellow creatures through Loving Kindness.  

"A human being is part of the whole. called by us the 'Universe'         , a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts aan feelings as something separated from the rest. a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving to such attainment is in itself is a part of liberation, a foundation for inner security."                                                                                                 A. Einstein.

As I have often enough mentioned in my entire Blog, my intention has been to clean up or erase my thoughts of past memories of all the transgressions I have committed, the stains of my errors that has chained me to this realm of existence. There is no more sense in looking back for justification except in acceptance of what has already been and learning to break free from the tentacles of these errors committed through ignorance. I have done my spring cleaning and house keeping as best I could and by exposing these errors and weaknesses I hope to free myself from their karmic consequences. It is a journey of self confession with the hope that it would help to heal this splintered soul through acceptance, right understanding and awakening to what is the real from the unreal. It is a journey of inner purification uprooting deep rooted karma committed from beginning of time. It has been and still is a terribly lonely and tedious journey of self introspection, a journey towards self liberation. It took me over seventy years to learn how to truly love my self, to trust and love others and to offer my spirit in the servitude to God.

" If you want unconditional love, become a dog." - SadhGuru.

                                                 

My 2 cents worth on the New Administration in the USA.

Another President comes into power to sit in the White House's Oval Office and lead the country into the future that is full of uncertainties and tribulations like no other President before him has ever inherited this Seat of ultimate Power in history; can he do it? He can if he does not brush his vice president aside from making decisions for she is the potential thinker and decision maker behind the throne; she has the potential to become the problem solver for the President. However if ego has its way and the President allows his to stand in the way of common sense and true form of justice to uplift the people's spirit that is at present at its lowest ebb, then this administration is going to sink into a sinkhole just like the one before. The new President has to drop politics and embrace social and humanistic recovery like a mother and not a Patriarch who insists upon wars and force to overcome simple domestic turmoils; this President has to listen more so than let his personal thoughts be heard; he has to listen to the heartbeat of the Nation and not the politicians. Howevr it is the fact that a woman has been chosen as the Vice President and a one who is of colored heritage is definitely a key factor in the run of the Biden administration; my two cents worth.

So much for the US Presidential inauguration comment for now, had to do it simply cause i owe it to myself having lived there for 31 years of my life. It was the Nixon and Gerald Ford years when I was there if I am not mistaken, remembered the Watergate and President Ford take over way back when. Like everyone else I love America while at the same time hate it for all the wrong decisions made by the administrations though the years especially thse that had led to a few major wars around the world. Even before I emigrated from Malaysia to the state of Wisconsin sometime in 1974 I was already in love with the country because of President John E Kennedy through his worldwide program of the Peace Corp Volunteers and I had a few secondary school teachers as result who came from the US to teach at my school and one was an Art teacher from Iowa who inspired me. Yes, America was a home away from home and was almost a permanent home for me had I not decided that settling down permanently in the country was a meaningless experience for one who aspired to become a 'Globe Trotter', artist, I needed to return to my starting point and be able to look back and reflect, to compare and evaluate my life as an artist; how far or how near have I arrived at accomplishing my goals of no goal. 

God gave me a canvas and told me to pain my life as I see fit and at the end of my days He will take a look and tell me what he thinks of my Art of Living, as an artist. How i have spent my years and what have I accomplished that i can be proud of or had I wasted my life living a life of mediocrity, being led by the nose along with everyone else like sheep headed for the slaughter house. I took God's offer as a challenge and spun my own series of episodes that had led me to live my life far beyond my means and expectation, living in three different parts of the world and tasting the diverse cultural existence that not too many from my village could have tasted. Had I accepted the offer for me to bacome a US citizen back when I would have settle down somewhere in the country and become just another Tom, Dick and Harry with the same story of living the American Dream of a 9 to 5 life and of hot dog and apple pie, nothing wrong but simply not my cup of tea. I hope and pray that America will rise to greater heights under this new administration and that as promised by the new President, a whole lot of healing and unity shall prevail for the sake of the Nation. It would be a shame for a beautiful country to sink any deeper than she already has becasue of poor administration.   

   

 

 

COVID19 - when enough is enough.

 

During this challenging days of the COVID19 era, I must say I am more fortunate than most in finding my routine t face the day to day preoccupation of my daily presence. I am grateful for the blessings I have been showered with, the small miracles that things happen as I would hope them to with the most of ease, with minor vexations to face. I gave up all hope of improving myself if not better understand who I truly and how or what my purpose is in livng this life for the past 70 odd years, In truth I am beginning to see that my life's intention has been materializing little by little and I am closer and closer towards knowing my true nature. I hope and pray that this is not yet just another illuson i am creating for myself and even if it is, I pray from deep in my heart and my souls that I do catch a glimpse of the truth that i seek; that I do know my Lord up close and personal for me Allah, (God), is the only truth there is and worth sacrificing my life for in the effort to fully realize this in my mind, body and soul. I will use the word God as I write instead of Allah for self revealing reasons and not out of any other belief otherwise. 

Today I learned of the hardships that many are facing in their daily lives during this pandemic from one of my nephews. How those who own businesses are closing up shop and how things are getting more expensive to afford inorder to run a business. Everyone at all levels are facing a crunch and the poor and needy are the front-liners of this pandemic victims. The virus itself does not do as much damage as the attempt at finding the proper system of containment of the pandemic itself. The power that be in this country has practically thrown down the towel in the handling of the crisis while the nation is facing a political and economic turmoil. It is like hitting the panic button before the need to with snap decisions being made based on political expediences rather than facing  the real threat with complete awareness and transparency ; accepting the fact that we need to act with complete determination towards what we as a nation are facing. There is no other factors especially not the political bickering between unsatisfied political parties, we as a nation whose lives and livelihood are at stake will have to wake up sooner than later to the dire reality that we are up against; we are living in a sick global society.

The fortunate and the well to do, at least materially speaking, will most assuredly shake their heads and frown at just another some what bleak look at where we are at as a humanity, but the poor and down trodden, those who barely makes ends meet have begun to buckle under the unprecedented stress the state we are in presently and this I am speaking of globally. To say we are on the brink f extinction is not too far fetched most observers of the fate of humanity would reluctantly agree as we as a specie is no doubt set on a course of a monumental collision with our own egocentric nature; the "Tower" is about to collapse from too much top heavy. We have been building an inverted pyramid unlike our predecessors; ours are build upon a foundation or Greed, Hate and Ignorance, while supporting an illusory dream world for the benefit of the few. Our world is way off balance and is gradually toppling over despite all the efforts to prop it up by artificial means. We as a specie endowed with capacity to think has abused our God given trait and allowed our personal ego to run the show for self gratification and we call it, survival of the fittest. Enough is never enough, violence has become the mode of problem solving while ignorance as bliss is the norm.

Where do we turn to in these times of great challenges? As is said, behind every dark cloud is a silver lining or there is a light at the end of the tunnel  We can hope and pray that there is. However hoping an prayers is not enough to cut through this conundrum we are in, we need to venture into deeper levles of our consciousness and bring out the best in us collectively; we have to unchan ourselves from this bondage of feeling that we are defeated or helpless. We have to seek that wisdom lost in dealing with our inner self in how to cope and turn around what is negative into positive, turn this catastrophe into a victory for the soul of humanity Lesson are being put forth for us to redeem ourselve from our errors and amendments are to be made to rectify our mistakes and know that God is on our side. We have to realize the truth behind the veils of falsehood and delusions created to dismember us, we have to forge that unity to be able to stand and say enough is enough.     

  

My two cents worth on how to clean up our mess.- you can start by doig your own dishes.

We are living in a country run by Marshal Law and a failed government that has taken the easy way out by laying it all down into the hands of the King and the soldiers. The economy is slip sliding into an economic meltdown and the people are definitely not happy to say the least. The state of emergency declared by the King under the advice of the ruling government is not going t help much towards making things any better, worse perhaps, better no. The call for national lock down due to the pandemic is like putting a plug to a pressure cooker about to explode due to overheating from within. A valve is what is needed to release the built up pressure, however the valve that was implemented for this purpose is non-functional and thus we can be looking forward to a major blowout if things keeps on heading in this same direction; there is only so much a pressure cooker can take.

There is no sense in moaning and groaning if one cannot offer any form of insight or creative suggestions towards providing a solution to help ease the pressure. Hence my two cents worth; firstly we as a nation have to act collectively in a clean up operation; we have to put our house in order, massive housekeeping project has to be carried out and no excuses not to do so. In any major construction industry the slogan, Safety First is displayed at the most crucial points at the site. Most contractors would look upon it with disdain as it cost them time and money where Safety is concern, however, many lives and would be fatal accidents were avoided due to Safety regulations and a sense of collective mutual respect was achieved in the same process. I am talking from over ten years of working experience in the field of work safety; it is not a matter of just making sure no one gets hurt or the environment is not harmed, it is strong psychological glue that can bond people together as a collective whole.; Safety is a state of Mind, your and mine, together we can make it happen.

House Keeping is the first step to any Safety Rule for only through a good housekeeping practice can the overall function of any construction site will run smoothly. Good housekeeping is like  walking into a Wall Mart or a Safeway shopping mall where all is in order and easily excess-able in plain sight with plenty of room for excess and egress; this is what a country has to have implemented as part of its infra structure. Housekeeping simply put will clean up every nook and cranny, underneath the bed and the carpets, no secrets and no hidden agendas is not exposed into the ight and dispose off; a good housekeeping will clean and clear up the air and we can breath better.

We are not only living in an environmental deplorable state but we are also living in a massive denial mental mode while trapped in a warped spiritual and religious conundrum; our house needs to be fumigated and vacuumed and mopped from top to bottom. What is so drastic about cleaning up your closets, making your own bed and cleaning your toilets and your bedrooms and your yard and your neighborhood and your city and your country? The journey of a thousand Lis begins where the heart is; think locally and act globally and all that stuff. You are not breaking any laws nor are you sitting at home like a pigeon moaning and groaning your fate. You are living in a cell due to all the restrictions and constrictions, and then there is the Military, the Police and the Civil Defense and especially 'RELA'! all are unleashed to make life extra miserable for us; what have we got to loose? Lets grab a broom and garbage bags and start our mission our first step towards self reliance and the future of our country. If you catch my drift, good, if you think this is a joke well, I'll let you settle comfortably numb in your own state of self serving state of delusion while they fumigate your home and your whole neighborhood with toxic fumes of God knows what in order to protect you and your children from any other pandemic than the COVID19.         

How does Music affect your consciousness?

 There is a rhythm to life just as there is a rhythm to the movement of the cosmos and the flow of water down the river from the mountain tops to the sea. There is a rhythm to the human physical and mental state that to most is imperceptible while to others is like a boy  in the hood walking down his street with a boombox on his shoulder.. It is imperative that one has to imbued into one's consciousness an orchestra or a Bob Marley and the Wailers tune, that one might find the rhythm of one's flow in life. The rhythm by which you move your physical body as well as your inner energy and your mental state in synchronicity is vital towards the groove  of your physical, mental and spiritual equilibrium,A balance neither too far to the left or right, too high or too low, too wide or too narrow and so forth; the middle way is this way. In order to keep the vital energy flowing and the body and mind rejuvenated the inner rhythm has to be kept in motion and this can be in the form of resonance or rhythmic sound; OMMMM! or the Star Wars Theme of John Willams, theme from  Hans Zimmer's The  Last Samurai  Sound in the right frequency and orchestrated to perfection  when introduced to the brain can act as a source of rhythm that stimulates your cells in the brain and the rest of the physical body. Just as a repetitious movement like whirling in a circle as performed by the dervish can awaken our inner rhythm and allow for the free flow of pure energy throughout the physical as well as the spiritual consciousness.

Without any sense of a rhythm one function in a herky jerky kind of motion, stumbling back and forth with every step you take and every decision you make.A movie without its proper soundtrack is not complete.There is a lack of spontaneity that is present in motions moved without a sense of rhythm, the mind is often lost in its chaotic random rise and fall of unconnected thoughts. Musicians are often in deep state of meditative trance when performing their music as thoughts are not necessary and often and impediment to the smooth flow of their performances. Dancers are often lost in fluid motion allowing their bodies to flow with the vibrations of the sound of music or the tapping of a drum alone. The repetitious rhythm of a tune when listened can transport one into an alternate state of being from the one one is trapped become stagnated in, just a any form of drug would. Its hypnotic effect on the mental state will trigger a change that opens up new and uncharted states of consciousness if one is open to it. "Sahale - Djinn a 'Techno music form produced by Cafe DeAnatolia Ethno World on You Tube is a 6 hour long continuous music is one such transforming vibe that if listened for an extended period of time, The 3 hour long extended version of the Last of the Mohicans is another tune found on You Tube that can create trance-like state of consciousness; or rather a less thought infested mind.

As it is no small matter when trying to empty the mind it is not however impossible and there many ways of getting the mind to become less hectic and chaotic among which off course a meditative state of consciousness is the most preferable if not reliable. However the effects of sound-waves is no small matter when it comes to working with the mind if not the entire physical system where cells are present as cells i strongly believe enjoys the vibration of good music like the hoola girls swaying to the rhythm of the ukulele and native drums, so does the human cells resonates to external good vibes. Imagine it to be like a field of oats or rice swaying in the wind  giving it a sense of  collective spirit or consciousness. Classical Indian music of Ravi Shankar or meditative chants like those performed by the Tibetan monks, or a Gregorian Monastic chant, can evoke a sense of collective consciousness in the mind as well as bringing it to a quiet settled state.of silence and tranquility. We have it within our means to attain these states through employing the technologies available to us and yet most of us do not take advantage of these conveniences, like the You Tube and so forth. 

 

A Belated New Year's Resolution.

 One of my 'New Year's Resolution', as I always mad several each passing year in the past is that  would die and be reborn; I want to be a born again. A born again what? I want to be born again as who I was when I was five or six years of age living as  did in the fifties growing up as child among the mangrove swamp at Kampung Selut, Sungai Pinang. I was born alongside my twin brother sometime in August of 1949, we were born among the mud skippers and century crabs the murai taik and ketam selut, the wild and shrply hutan deruju, a nasty looking bush that looks like the English thistles, the rpickly plants that they hang around doors during Christmas, we were born in a village where the high tide would reach three to four inches just below th surface of the house floors. This is where I would like to be be reborn; #96-H Sungai Pinang Road, Penang.

I would like to die from this physical and be reborn living along with my mother and father, Aunties and Uncles, siblings and cousins; Rumah Nenek or grandma's house., it was called. I would like to be able again to take a swim in the high tides among my chidhood friends every chance i got, catch watter snakes and shoot at unfornuate birds and every creature that was unfortunate enough to become a target with my catapult. Look for Siput  Lokan buried in the mud beneath the Hutan Deruju while getting ierced mercilessly by the the thorns. I would like to fall asleep everynight to the rythm of the old grandfather's clock, tick! tock! tll the the whole village and its denizens false silent. I would like to the shrill call of Burung Murai or magpies and bulbuls, the call of the roosters and throughout the kampung announcing yet another morning to rise and play! Waking up to discover surprises, what the night's high had left behind while I was asleep, a dead duck a torn up doll or a Japanese rubber slipper with a broken strap, the flotsam would often included human waste that was being lifted from the open toilets around the village and delivered to your doorsteps. Yes, I would like to die and be reawaken bakc into my childhood years growing up ni a mangrove swamp. 

My second resolution is to sleep and enjoy my dreams as I wish them to be, now a cowboy in thw Wild West now Tarzan or the Apes in the heart of the African forest, now Morgan the Pirate then Robin Hood, I used to look forward to sleeping at night becaue i had the ability to become the Hero and Director of my own dreams. No mountains too high nor rivers too wide and I could fly, I could fly like the birds that see around when I play around the village. The nights were always dark all around us outside the 'Atap' house buit six feet up in the air mounted on stilts, we had no electricity in my childhood years and the smell of kerosene lamps filled the air as we slept. I could be who I wanted to be in my dreams and for me as a child I learned much from my dreams; I was free to create as much as I wished, whaever roles I chose to enjoy and nightmares were very rare.

These are my two New Year's resolution and silly as it may sound, I could not think of a better desire for a resoluton to make. The rest are minor ones like I will donate my body to the Medical Research Institute for their use upon my death. This I wish to do if feasible in honor of my mother's memory in her struggles against Tuber Culosis spending 9 years of her life at the Lady Templar's General Hospital as case study for TB. For nine years as a lab rat, my mother devoted her time to sewing mostly of teddy bears and rabbits to be donated to the orphans' homes during Christmas. During those nine years we hardly saw her as in those days traveling from Penang to Kuala Lumpur was an undertaking that requires some of money and we could barely imagine as kids. All I can remember was the day we sent her off a the train station in Butterworth, I think it was the first time I saw my first train, what a thrill despite sending my sick mother off to spend 9 years of her life being cut and open in her chest. In her later years my mother carried her scars around with pride as only her smile would betray otherwise every time our eyes met.I could never reach out and hug my mother nor she me and for this I wish to remember her by donating this physical body towards medical research (if it is still acceptable when the time comes.)

Yes, that's about it my New Year's Resolution of this year 2021. I realize that most of it are just wishful thinking, but lets see how much of it will manifest in the course of time. I have lived through some of the most exciting and eventful years in the history of this planet on looking back seventy years from the time my twin brother and I appeared right in the middle of the mangrove swamp known as Kampung Selut, Sungai Pinang, Pulau Pinang. 

  

  

 

 

Farwell 2020 and Happy 2021 and a New Beginning.

 As the 'Vision 2020' passes by most Malaysians are running around in a limbo of uncertainty wondering what lies in store up ahead for everyone. The promise of a wonderful Visionary feat to be achieved by the nation as foresaw by the former long standing Prime Minister, has turned into a political, economic and social blunder with the blessings of COVID-19 pandemic as the icing for the cake. For most the year 2020 will remain the lowest point on the graph that we have recorded as far as how well we are doing. Many are trying hard to be convinced that there is a silver lining in all these, that we are being brought to a slow down shift from the fifth and fourth gear to a third or second gear in our pursuit of our so called happiness. The fast pace, quick fix, get drive through routine of our everyday life is being brought to almost a grinding halt by the pandemic and we are forced most of us to re-evaluate our systems, make adjustments to our mode of operation, become more acquainted with our family and friends and learn to stop taking these people for granted. 2020 has left most of us vulnerably alone removed from the very comfort zones we have been creating for ourselves; like I feel most safe when I am at work.

2020 also provided a reprieve for the well being of Nature and the environment as travel restrictions and various other systems were put on lock down by the COVID-19 pandemic. The environment was givev a breath of fresh air as most of the airlines had to ground their flights due to the lack of users and this has has been proven by studies allowed for significant recovery of the ozone depletion phenomena in the atmosphere. As mass gatherings like weddings and demonstrations of any kind is being put on hold due to the pandemic, there is a significant cut backs in the production of waste materials such as plastic bags and mineral water bottles. The restrictions of human movement and activities by the pandemic may have a slight impact in the resurrection of the well being in Nature as in some small ways the lack of human presence in the wild has allowed for animals to roam freely without being disturbed by man. 

2020 saw a surge in the arts where artists and creativity are concern. As the 'Stay Home', policy was being implemented more people are being drawn towards looking into and developing the artistic possibilities as one of the ways to while away the time. Although theaters and plays productions were put on hold, inadvertently it also gave the these production and promoters a brief period of re accessing their status and making for better presentation as there was less pressure to do so in a timely manner; people are allowed to think better, plan better open to all possibilities when time is not of the essence. The COVID19 Pandemic for whatever it is worth, has brought humanity to a gradual awakening towards the values of human relationship in time and space. I say gradual simply because man will never learn, it would  take a much more drastic incident for him to be jerked back into the dire reality that he and his kind has got the world into as his Greed, Hate and Ignorance are deep rooted karma and his desire insatiable.

On a personal level, 2020 was a year of degeneration of the spirit and emotional roller coaster. It was more sadness than gladness to simply put. It has been a year of wishing I was somewhere else doing what I love doing rather than being in the environment that I have placed myself into. My reason for staying where I am with my two children was to bring them together under one roof and in making sure that they remain in touch with one another on a deeper elvel as brother and sister. It was also to pull my son out of the hole that he was slwoly digging himself into at the place where he was renting prior to moving in with us. This I have partially succeeded, I believe, but the toll it takes to achieve this I know is in my health; I am not happy. I feel I carry with me more than I need to and it costing me more than I bargain for; I need to change for my own personal well being if not my mental and physical health I need to move out of this environment; ironically I need to move out of this false comfort zone. At least this has been how I have felt throughout the year 2020 and I am not saying that I am right, however, in my journey of self discovery I felt time and again that I am not one who can settle down in one place too long and the COVID pandemic has heightened this fact into a reality; I feel trapped.