Zikr vs Sitting Meditation.

And this loneliness won't leave me alone. There are days when one slips sliding back into the state of doubtfulness, of dependency, of  wondering what the heck is going on in one's life and there is only one self to look at for answers; what to do? A friend posted on Face Book a video about Zikirullah or the chant to Allah, albeit His Names or simply reciting the Shahadah or profession to becoming a Muslim. my friend was not answering my question but indirectly he did as he reminded me of all the ways and methods of deviating the mind from over indulging into doubtful thoughts that often than not leads to depression. Zikr or the MUslim form of continuous chants through the recitation of the Verses from the Quran, or simply reciting the Name Allah is a very effective form of meditation and various other religious and spiritual practices has developed one form of chanting or another for the purpose of bringing the mind under control at least focused on something more spiritual and positive than dwelling upon the negative energies. If you have had a chance to travel the Middle Eastern countries one would notice how most of the people especially the men would have a bead or rosary in their hand and they keep counting the beads non stop. More often then not they look calm and collected as compared to those around them who are less centered.

Counting the rosary beads while reciting one thing or another is one way of not allowing for the mind to keep occupying one's thoughts with whatever it fancies and often the mind has more negative thoughts to share than positive at least find it out for myself. The continuous chant or recitation provides a barrier that does not allow for any irrelevant thoughts to penetrate into one's consciousness. It is like a cassette tape that is fully loaded and one cannot add anymore data into it even if one wants to. The longer the time span of the Zikr or chant, the longer is the consciousness free from unwanted interruption to the conscious mind. In a way it is self hypnotic al and has its drawbacks as one becomes dependent upon this state  and the mind become petrified and looses its flexibility. Meditation devoid of any crutches such as chant and dances and so forth is pure and free of any dependence; thus this Blogger recommends simply Sitting Meditation and counting the ins and outs of breath as the toll towards achieving single-mindedness.











  

Rambling on Issues that are current in my life.

Woke up this morning , 4;30 am., with a whole lot of negative vibes floating in my mind about life and my status in it thus far. Yes, no matter deeply you think you have understood yourself, the workings of your mind, the psycho emotional ups and downs of your consciousness. you have yet to touch the truth to your being who you are. Time and again I find myself slipping back into depression, dejection and the whole works, like a man sinking into a bog and clutching for dear life to stay at least physically if not mentally and spiritually. In my younger days this would be the moments when I would succumb to getting high, or drunk or contemplate ending this  life of mine and I did tried to, at least twice. This is what depression is all about and it is a very heavy condition one that many has lost the battle and gave in to one form of destructive trait or another. This is more prone to those who make it their venture to  dive into the meaning of life on a deeper level.

I have not been making my blog entries as I used to not because I have run out of thoughts and ideas but simply because i have become become saturated by  all that is happening in and around me. I feel like stepping out of this time and space and engage myself into the unknown   where I can be free from all these bogus experiences that i am being exposed to, experiences that are repetition of the past over and over only on a more intense and deeper level. Perhaps it is part and parcel of getting old and I have less resistance to being invaded by negative thoughts and feelings about the daily and mundane course of life. Perhaps I am expecting miracles where miracles are a rare commodity even for the enlightened; what is bugging me? I have a roof on top of my head and a beautiful daughter and son to content with and I have a beautiful cat for a friend to care for. I eat well and and thus far for the past eight months have almost completed 20 paintings ready for a solo exhibition, what is bugging me? Perhaps I am hoping for too much, hoping for what to happen, hoping for enlightenment?; that is a joke. How can one whose life is like a yo yo become enlightened and what is this state of enlightenment anyway?

I have been trying to achieve the state of enlightenment as that which was attained by the historical Buddha for most of my adult life only to realize that I was born enlightened and most of my childhood life was spent in an enlightened state but it got eroded as i grew in age;now I am suicidal. If I could end my life without becoming a sinner or disrupting, the lives of those closest to me, I would. One of my Zen teachers used to ask," Is this all there is? Is this the peak of the mystique mountain?" Well, what do I expect? Before enlightenment, I used to cut wood and fetch water, after enlightenment I am still doing the same as a Zen saying goes. What I truly need is a good cup of Nescafe black with sugar right about now. 

The call for the morning prayer has just ended and I am brought to mind of my religious commitment as a Muslim something that i have been at odds with for most of my life, to pray five times a day. This is one of my guilt trips that I have grappled with as i find it hard to pray like other good Muslims and as such I am not fit to consider myself as one as it is one of the five pillars of Islam. It is not that i do not believe in God, I do as a Muslim I believe in the One true Divine Being, a Being that I worship with every breath and have absolute faith in. However I have a problem when it comes to performing the Solats which I  tried in the past but find that it does not work for me, perhaps I did not try hard enough. I have always considered myself a of a spiritual being than a religious one simply beause I find religions to be a source of  humanity's major problem rather than a comfort. It is said that religions has caused more death and destruction than any other factors in human history and I believe so. Often enough I encounter devout Muslims who are haughty and arrogant assuming themselves to be above everyone else, frowning upon those they consider non-believers: i find no comfort in praying in the mosque from this negative experiences. I worship my Lord and you may call by what name you like, in my own way and the very fact that i have to deal with the issue of faith and worship makes me a constant believer as it keeps my Lord in mind every so often when the question of faith and practices arises and it does more often than not for me; I know i come from my Lord and will return to Him sooner or later and that I will have much to answer for.

AI - what role model?

Has been sometime now since last I made my blog posting and it is not there is nothing to write about, it is simply because i have been busy getting my twenty odd paintings ready for the upcoming solo exhibition. I am almost there but not quite and there's like three weeks left to go before launch day, which falls on the 11th. of August, a day before my seventieth birthday. Wow! 70 years ag I was born, brought into this realm of existence to work out my karmic evolution towards whatever that lies ahead. It is not like I am ready or not afraid to leave this existence as it can happen at anytime for a man my age, however i must say that i am not fully awakened towards what it was all about these past 70 odd years; what was it all about?run  I feel like I am on my final run, sitting my final exam, having to wrap up my theses, write my final conclusion of what had transpired for the past 70 years and I have no clue where to begin.
 God or no God, Money or no money, friendship or no friends, I have passed through these moments that has shoved me forward as i grew up and still does till now as i am headed for the final countdown. On looking at it over the years it seems like time flew by as though it was all a dream, or nightmare as the case may be and each fleeting moment  has become faded memories into the past, some still memorable while others are mere blurs in the distant landscape. Today I have noticed that I am becoming more desperate to be in the here and now more so than ever before. I savor the food in my mouth and witness with intense consciousness the changes in the clouds as it appears and disappears in the deep blue skies above me. I listen more closely and with deeper interest as to what my friends has to say and give them more of my attention in communicating my feelings with them. Every events, every action and  reflections is becoming more concentrated and deliberate as though one is savoring their presence like for the last time. The question arises every now and then, what would i miss once I am liberated from this physical realm and my five senses are no more in function. The  feel of the earth under my feet or the breeze through my hairr, or the cool water running through my fingers, the fire that warms my body in the cold of winter's nights; what would I miss most.
 Would I miss my children? Yeah, somewhat, like how they would miss me and truth be told not too much. I was never a good father and I really have not idea what a good father is truly, but I have tried to do my best and if my best is not good enough too bad. However if the proof is in the pudding, all four of my children are doing as fine as any in this day and age. Regrets, I have many but none worthy enough to carry to my grave as destined all is written, as the Muslim calls it Makhtub, predestined, written in the Book of Records the Loh Mahfuz.- The Book of Life. Not as far in difference as the recorded Laws of Karma that is ever registering every word thoughts and deeds of every living thing throughout the Universe- in modern terminology, this is the Matrix that governs the workings of life.

Most of us are oblivious to these inner workings of the human mind that for ages and generations  wise men has been trying to unravel for us that we may have a thorough understanding of who we truly are. We choose to live out life in the survival mode of existence every trying to become the most successful, most wealthy,most this or that that we miss the finer and more sublime nature of our being. Success is gauged in the material state rather than spiritual and most of us are slowly loosing the connection we have with nature as a whole. Our materialistic pursuits has become or daily prayer and we worship what we hoard in this life calling wealth and success; nothing wrong in that. We however do have a more deeper and richer aspect to ourseelves that is being eroded through lack of awareness and neglect through the refusal to study and understand. Ironically today science is very much into the creation of artificial intelligence (AI), to prove that we can become as close to God as we can in Creation. But what we feed into these AI is not very clear and we are treading upon the thin ice of Creation employing a matrix that is imperfect and incomplete just as who we are if taken as a template for the production line. 















 

Meditation-The Middle Way.

Meditation is not just sitting on your butt, but more importantly sitting on your mind, the dual, thinking mind the egotistic mind the mind that has tales to tell and horror stories to share from the past and into the future. Meditation does not end when you leave your meditation seat or the meditation hall, it expands into the next action you take, in essence it happens with every breath you take while sweeping washing drinking, singing, dancing, feeding your cat or driving to pick up your children; it is called Mindfulness meditaiton, in some schools and Meditation in action to others. Whatever technique you employ it is entirely up to your own choosing, that which works for you. Zazen, Yoga, Chigung, TaiChi, or Sufi style, there are schools from way back when to learn from; be eclectic. Most importantly is that you do it, as Nike says, 'Just do It.' Even tem minutes each morning and evening would be a good  beginning, the first step towards the destination of awakening your mind.

Listen to J.Krishnamurti talk on You Tube or Alan Watts or Osho or Eckhart Tolle, Mooji Baba, Sat Guru, the list goes on and you will get a good perspective on what is Meditation. Why it is very crucial for humanity at this moment to be practicing this age old way, is evident in our current state of affairs on this Planet. To heal the world, humanity one has to heal oneself, understand the workings of one's mind and what is consciousness, what is being in the here and now and taking action straight from the heart not the mind; if the heart disagrees, do not act, Meditation helps to bring us closer to our hearts and away from the dual thinking mind where right and wrong, good and bad, black and white becomes predominant in our thinking. The heart is guided by Love and Compassion when in action and we have drawn too far away from our hearts and we making errors through manifesting the ignorance of the thinking mind that is clouded by too much external stimuli and acts on the principle of survival rather than coexistence. The 'small mind', the me, me and,my. mine personality that we manifest into the external environment is one of possessiveness, clinging, cavorting, hoarding and claim this is life living. Other than prayers and invocations, chants and singing, meditation is the safe and direct way towards uncovering the heart where the original nature resides, that which is who you truly are; 'The Temple of the Living God is within you.'

When you are neither wide awake nor in deep sleep state, you are on the middle path where the traffic is usually smooth and consistent and you get home without too much stress. This is the path of meditation, to slow down and not be drawn to move too fast or too slow, but consistent. Steady as she goes as they say, takes stress out of the equation and even if it recurs it is handled with Loving Kindness not blame and accusations; I am right, you are wrong! To many meditation brings them to a state of blissfulness while to others it helps to stay focus, whatever the benefit, it is yours to enjoy while in this physical form and mental states; your goal  if there is any is to arrive at an awaken state of consciousness. To view the Universe with your heart ,not your mind. It helps for you to seive through what makes sense and what is nonsense; Sit! Not standing nor laying down, it's the Middle Way.











 

Why we Meditate -Consciousness.-Bruce Lipton

After all is said and done what else is there to do? You sit! You sit facing the wall of emptiness before you like you always do and watch what rises and what fades away into nothingness in your mind. It is boring yet at the same time can be if very entertaining if you are fully aware of what you are doing. You become the 'watcher of your own mind and its mejntal formations and activities. There so much that arises that sometimes you fell overwhelmed, return to watching the rise and fall of your breath and in the same manner get in touch with your inner being and your physical body, let the alignment take place. Your spine erect and locked at the bottom of your skull, click! Feel the flow of energy throughout you body as parts of the muscles lets go and release a tension that it has been holding back, your shoulder drops, your and eventually you enjoy a sense of weightlessness, you feel light, you begin to feel enlightenment. So when all is daid and done what you do is you get within and touch base with your true being; this! This is, in essence, what sitting meditation or Zazen is.

Sitting is the posture in between standing and sleeping where one i not fully awake nor fully asleep, you are in the twilight zone of consciousness; if you are truly into the meditative state. The mind has ceases its ramblings and the body has turned to stone only the air moves in and out imperceptibly throughout your body; a feeling of solitude and lonesomeness. Some calls this State, Samadhi Shikantaza,

Shikantaza (只管打坐) is a Japanese translation of a Chinese term for zazen introduced by Rujing, a monk of the Caodong school of Zen Buddhism, to refer to a practice called "Silent Illumination", or "Serene Reflection", by previous Caodong masters.^[1] In Japan, it is associated with the Soto school. Unlike many other forms of meditation, shikantaza does not require focused attention on a specific object (such as the breath); instead, practitioners "just sit" in a state of conscious awareness.

Whatever it is called the main purpose is to find that silent and empty space or the the pause in between for this is where the door between the conscious and the unconscious is found. Here, in the silence of the mind like dried seaweed resting on the riverbed rises to the surface as the water moves in; here the subconscious seeps into the semi conscious state of mind and vice versa. It is in this moment in time that one discovers or is exposed to the original primordial state of one's true being positively or otherwise, for the storage room of the subconscious mind holds a vault full of skeletons and treasures of wisdom beyond wisdom for one to collect from as it is all yours to begin with. At moment of death it is said that the walls of the vault holding the subconscious mental energies collapse and relases the who nine yards of information into the conscious state as a blinding light. Every now and then a 'near death experience ' subject would relate seeing a bright light initially and move on to everything else that they see or felt. The ability to meditate properly in essence is a good way to build a thorough understanding of one's death process as it happens, when it happens.

The Bardo Todol, or the Tibetan Book of the Dead as it is called in the West explains this more thoroughly and is a text by which a Lama would recite to the dead, the beginning to the end of the 49 Days of the Bardo State of consciousness. A mind that has been accumulating countless images and thoughts throughout a life time and even previous lifetimes according the Buddhist, has a sizeable vault to hold all these, what is holding these from breaking out into the open? Consciousness?  

A Farewell to my Grand Auntie-'Minachi'

Today I received a sad news that my grand auntie, the oldest surviving relative has passed away. She was wife to my Grand Uncle who was the younger brother to my grandfather. His name was Paul Martin as Sinhalese from Sri Lanka,  unlike my grand father he refused to be converted to Islam like my grandfather did upon marriage to my grand mother who was devout Muslim from Deli, in Indonesia. My grand uncle married a Hindu and became a Hindu and today his wife just passed away, A Piece of the family tree falls off to the ground to be buried in time and forgotten in memory; she was a very soft and gentle lady and always has a sweet sad smile about her. I used to spend times visiting my grand uncle's family to play with my uncle Ranjan, and the two sisters Kamala and Susila and the youngest brother Sukananda. I looked forward to the Indian cooking and sitting on the floor with my uncles and aunties having a good time.

All  that I can remember is that they had always lived in the quarters of the 'Old' Methodist Boys School where my grand uncle had worked as the caretaker and he was also the caretaker grounds keeper of the Mahindrama Buddhist Temple on Kampar Road, across the road from the MBS. This is the very same temple my grandfather was commissioned to paint the inner wall murals and ceilling when the Temple was constructed. This was how my grand father ended up in Penang he was the Buddhist Michael Angelo, and his works are still as it was today; the Life and Times of the World and Time Honored One; the Buddha Shakyamuni, or the life of Prince Siddharta Gautama. Before i was relocated to Terengganu and converted to Islam I was raised a Buddhist for twelve years and as a child would visit this temple every weekend for the Pali lessons. When I mentioned that my granduncle was the ground keeper of the temple I could only imagine how like a mythical plaace the temple grounds was with tall palm trees and white sand in the quadrangles, like the Japanese sand garden. I can still feel the warm breeze and the smell of incense that filled the whole area and I can still see serene half close eyes and the half smile of the Sittng Buddha under the large Bo tree; he is sitting there today.

With the departure of my grand auntie 'Minachi' a piece of our ethnic heritage slips into the past as today our families drifts far apart from one another. Most of my nephews and nieces and my children included has now idea of her existence, their Great Grand Auntie. I will remember her as a fading background image of my past and filed it away into  my subconscious storage bank. Her smiles, her cooking and how she dressed are all etched into these files as a piece of the jig saw that makes up my heritage. Three religious faith are intertwined into this scenario, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism and being me, I had made deeper contacts with each through my childhood experiences. Today I feel spiritually rich from having been exposed to all three at the same time in one chidlhood age. Farewell to you my Grand Auntie, may you be reborn into a more pleasant realm and be among those you once loved; may you become a Buddha free from pain and suffering. 













 

I Am The Artist.

Has been sometime now that I have been able to sit an unravel my mind and today seems like a good day to catch up with what has been ans what iss going on within and without. I have been making an effort at creating a few more paintings for my upcoming solo exhibition at the Gallery Seni Mutiara with the opening date on the 11th. of August, same day as Hari Raya Haji and the next day on the twelfth would be my seventieth birthday. It's a package show whereby I'd try to share all that i am as an artist. How far or how near have i understood the significance of living the life of an artist; Art in Quest of the Universality. This was the title of my letter of proposal to the members of the different faculties explaining what I intended to do for my Fine Arts Degree. It was accepted without any of my need to defend my letter and I was given the green light to embark upon creating my own Art degree under the program called, University Without Walls through the University of Wisconsin, Madison. It was a pilot project and I was accepted to participate with the blessings of all my Art professors and fellow Art Students; They had a banner hung saying, " Stay way Sam! as long as you can!" ( not really.)

The next three years of my adult life was spent discovering myself through my travels away from the studios at the University and onto the srreets of London, Whales and the Mesas and deserts of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado. Through the Andes Mountains from Colombia to Equador and celebrating the Gawai Hatu along with my Iban Hosts in a Long House where I spent three days and nights awake high on tuak, or tapioca wine; I became an Iban warrior in that space and time and it was during the same journey the i walked alongside my late uncle Ranjan, a Hindu while he performed the Kavedi during the Thaipusam celebration while visiting Penang. The slide shows I presented to classes by request of my proffessors to coin their phrase,"Blew their minds". I enjoyed my college years going through the bes and worse of my times in the coldest State of the US; Wisconsin at Green Bay. I spent eight years living in Green Bay full of trials and tribulations as a father and student; I was in my early thirties. 

For me being an Artist is a bit more than just being able to produce great masterpieces the fetch handsome prices, nothing wrong with it but it has never been my luck to have it all my way. I allowed myself to float along from one station to another, one level to another, in my effort towards self discovery, answering the most basic question of ,Who Am I? Who I am I came to understand is the same  who I was and who I will remain to be. How exciting or boring it may be it is entirely up to me; I am the Artist.