Some Dreams are not meant to be...

It don't look like the Masters Degree plan is going to happen as upon pondering all possibilities i come to feel that firstly i cannot afford the cost even if i am entitled to a half price offer for being over the hill age. Secondly, although I practically have all the work needed to be done already accomplished and all a matter of organizing them into a presentable format, I am not convinced of the need to pacify the need of the instructor who is stuck upon, the "my way or no way attitude." I know i will be put through the grind just to please an already inflated ego. Perhaps these are only mu excuses, trivia that can easily overcome if I had wanted to, but thirdly, I feel too tired of making anymore waves in my life; it seems a futile an endeavor. Call it as a part of getting old in age and spirit, like the sight getting more and more blurry and the will to get up and do is becoming more tedious. Giving up and saying no is never easy for me in the past but now it seems to happen quite naturally. Less desire to get things done, I feel tired, I feel sad and depressed more often, it is like my true test of character is being laid before me as i am being tested  from every aspect of my being, physical, mental and spiritual. Call it getting ready to take the final cut? leap? stepping out of this circle of life death and rebirth?
I have lived a life full of memories,of experiences and in the process have made many mistakes and fell into a whole lot of errors: these have cropped up in my consciousness more and more often and with clarity; I am haunted by my past and my future is uncertain. For one who has made the study of his own mind as a lifelong vocation, this is normal and i have learned to accept my past and look forward to my future. I have also through the years accomplished what I had set out to accomplish; some of which transcends boundaries both external and internal and through having come to an understanding of these accomplishments I have been able to turn most of my grievances into food and fodder for my present state of being: I like being who I am.
Perhaps it is time to raise the Kundalini, work up a little energy from the lowest chakra, stir up the pot and wake up the serpent. The chakras that has been dormant for so long now since their last energizing is in need of a booster shot to rekindle their flames. I am working on an oil painting that has to do with my series of the"Space" Inner and Outer and  at the present moment I am working a flaming fiery part of the the Sun, a Sun Spot and it is dominated by the color of Red, Vermilion Red. This is the color of the Radiance of the First Chakra, The Cauldron, the Pot where lies the Serpent of Power,"The coil", The power of Regeneration, The Beginning of Energy, in the human physical form; The Kundalini. I think...
For me it is a series of breathing while stretching leading on to moving in slow mo  TaiChi like and later moving into the shake it loose state like Chi Gung, the whole body shakes to let got of all the 'stuck' joints or points, letting go of thoughts and psycho - emotional baggage that we all carry in our short lives.This exercises are a combination of all the I have eclectically accumulated through my childhood and adult lives, these exercises helps me to stay in the present every time I am led astray by my thoughts and imaginations, I start to fall asleep much too long than I need to.
Although it may seem contradictory for one to practice detachment and yet to care so much for the body and its workings, however this body of ours is the vessel that we are equipped with in this round of life on this planet and it is perfect in its creation. Being in touch with the physical is as important as being in touch with the spiritual as the state of the physical form has strong impact upon our spiritual awakening; a weak body cannot house a strong mind and so the flip side of the coin. One does not need to be a marathon runner nor a body builder to keep the body healthy but suffice to say that keeping a close watch upon all the balances that the maintenance of the body requires is a good start; complete alignment and the easy flow of energy throughout the body is the cure. Remembering to be thankful for having such complete form and figure in this life is another virtue worth remembering; thank You Lord for making me whole and perfect in my forms; I am not blind, nor deaf, not lame nor without limbs, for these i am grateful.
So I accept my limitations for the moment and put the Master Degree course on hold indefinitely until such time when it can happen of its own. I am a Master at what i do, this I have been told by my peers and colleagues and some even expressed the fact that i have even transcended this level to a PhD. level if all is taken into account. But there is no doubt that having a piece of paper saying you have achieved to such a level in your pursuit of knowledge can be rewarding as the world recognizes what is apparent in one's certificate of accomplishment and not heresay. My other thought on the matter is to do the program at a University worth sacrificing my time at, it could be overseas instead of here in this country.