Renungan - Reflections

So! Bahari San, where are we at right now? What is really happening in your life? Are you happy? Satisfied? or still moaning and groaning about things that might have been?
Are you sitting? Practicing? making life any more easier for yourself and for others? Well whatever it is life keeps on searching into the future with or without you. As the days fly by it has become more apparent that in seeking to understand my 'self' the journey itself is the salvation, the relationship I have shared with others and the not to mention what is the natural as well as the supernatural some that can be told then some are not. All in all I should believe I am living my life as it should be, as I had envisioned it to be; an elegant beggar.
My body aches now and in more different locations and i blame it on 'Angin' or wind and everyday I put my body into some good workout which includes at least half and hour of meditation focusing on my breath as soon as i wake op. Another part of my routine is doing the same before I lay off to sleep..call it yoga or zazen call it by whatever name the practice is part of my daily activity and it helps to align myself physically as well as spiritually as I 'Wird' or chant a repetition which usually simply is AllaH! as I breath out and Hu as I breath in.
I then come out of my meditative state which simply being a little more calm and centered and less aches and pains in the joins and the tight muscle has been freed in the neck and shoulder areas, Then I get out of bed from my sitting and do a little more vigorous stretching in the form of Tai Chi as well as Martial Arts movements, ( I was a member of the Silat Seni Gayong Malaysia in Terengganu and alter had amny students of my own), the movements is carried out focusing on breathing to the point where breath moves the body not mind. This the essential part of practice when on the journey of self discovery. Everything, every moves and every breath is fully aligned and through this state of Samadhi this pure state of Being, your body dances with the Universe and the Universe dances through you.It sometimes is like small miracles when you find yourself in the state of bliss or at One with the Universe and it is so simple yet fewer and fewer have the patience or perseverence to endure the responsibility of a true Bodhisatva when serving the humanity , all beings in the ten directions past present and future and so on and so on...
The Prophet Moses failed at the hand the Immortal Prophet in the trial with regard to patience.
"What had you hope to achieve iin your lifetime?" he asked me and I had no answer to give as I really had none and that was some forty years ago, and he added, " because you do not know you have to slow down and find out what it is, stop thinking  like an old man.".
 Ever since i had the talk with my High School Math teacher Mr. Andrew Heng( Mr.Andrew during that time was tall ans skinny with an impeccable hair cut and a tall pointy nose and thin lips of a Chinese gentleman who was a great Hockey player while we took a walk towards the beach at Sekolah Menengah Sultan Sulaimanin Kuala Terengganu, it got stuck in my mind and we were having this talk because I had told him that I was wasting his time and he was doing the same, so may I be excused from math classes.
I never sat for the math papers during the two major exams of my secondary school life. When the Invigilator announced for us to start I wrote my name on the pront page and stood up and walked out of the examination hall and this was for the LCE and the SC exams. I had a Mathematical phobia while in school/ My mind simply struck out and for every math class i suffered so much anguish and later I gave up on getting any higher education for the rest of my life.
It was not until I was invited to become a student at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay in 1976 that the issue of my horror with maths cropped up as I had to sit for the SAT test to qualify and it involves taking a math test no negotiable. Passing the SAT Test was my ticket to make or break into the future. So I told my friend and neighbor who was a student councelor at the University of my predicament and he told me not to worry he had a friend who could help with the problem. Robert Hautamaki introduced me to a Mr. Armstrong a math professor and I told Mr. Armstrong my spill with maths and he listened with great interest and when I was through I felt myself exhausted but allot lighter in my mind. Armstrong told me let go of the past experiences and focus into doing math and doing exactly everything that he asked and no excuses and I did. For three tests during the semester i scored full marks of 100% corerect. It blew my mind and Armstrong's and I told him he had unlocked the door for me into the future. I spent five years before i got my Bachelor's Degree in Fine Arts,; I enjoyed college life too much to rush through college life.
So what has all thes to do with how i am doing at this moment in space and time....to be continued.