My Solo Mono Print Exhibition has come to an end and now i have to collect all my pieces and find a storage place for them. After calculating what i have sold and deducting the percentage owed to the gallery plus the expenses incurred by the show in the form of brochures and a banner, postage and so forth., I was told by the curator that I still owe the Gallery some RM240. So the total amount I made selling two pieces was about RM2500 in all and then I had to pay RM300 cash for postage and still owed RM100 because I could not afford the total amount to begin with bla!bla! Shit!!!
So what was it all for? While I end up with zilch the Curator is in Langkawi with his family for a long weekend, man where did I go wrong? I am not pissed at the Curator as he is merely doing his job and observing the deal as agreed between the artist and the Gallery. But still it stinks comes to think of it in terms of making a living and not to mention a sense of pride for whatever it is worth. I cannot even send my daughter for her bus fare to come home for a semester break or take my elder sister for a good dinner now that she is here or her son who has already left for that matter. So this is what it is like being an artist full time all the dreams you had and the people you thought you can count on are no more there simply because you have no way of returning their favors which you have been enjoying all these while.
I am beginning to realize that it is not the years that makes you age in life but it is the major disappointments and the unfulfilled goals, the feeling of being let down or worse taken for a ride by the very people you trust, this is what makes you age. The pain in the center of your chest that has for some time now vanished is now back and you start to find yourself running short of breath and your eyes are beginning to feel heavy and weary, too tired to focus on what it is that you are sketching. Worse you lack the will to even draw as there is not motive worth thinking about that can be an incentive to do what you love doing most in life.
The Georgetown Art Scene has long been hijacked by the few who through their personal wealth and thirst for fame and glory has left the artist on dry land as always. The Penang Festival showcasing in July has no place for the fine arts and caters more towards making sure that those who can afford it are entertained by foreign performing artists at what costs only the Chief Minister knows. What of the locals, where do they fit in on all these? Peanang Festival is for Penangites to enjoy their own festivities and when they really, genuinely do enjoy themselves the tourists automatically will do so too; it is not the other way round!! Penang artists are living like pariahs except for those who are independently wealthy for one reason or another. Those who holds the purse strings to the funds allocated for the benefit of artists in one form or another from the state government have made sure that the last to receive such funds are the artists and this is not me talking alone, it is the voice of many who are like me but have now way of expressing how the feel in the matter or who to turn to for that matter.
The New Penang Art gallery complex at Mcalister Road has numerous spaces underutilized and thus far it is a dead zone as far as art activities is concern. It is a shame that no one in the administration of the Penang State Art Gallery could make a suggestion that Penang artist should be given rental spaces in the complex to bring it to life. It would be an ideal location for tourists to visit and mingle with the local artists instead of having to wander around the City looking for them.It would be a great help to the artists themselves to have the small space from which they can work and exhibit their own works and not having to depend on Expensive Galleries to promote their works at exorbitant charges. It would also add on to a more personal touch like the facility they have in KL at Conlay Road.Why is it that anything to do with the benefit of the artists in Penang will always find a wall erected in one form or another by someone often for their own self serving purposes. I hope the State Government would one day look closely into this matter and spell it out to the rest of us the real deserving Penang born artists. We deserve better than to be shove around as though we are foreigners while foreign artists gets the red carpet treatment.I think it is about time Penang born artists stand up for their rights and demand an explanation from those who are elected to be caretakers of their needs as to why and how come!
It seems like it does not matter whether PKR or the Barisan National runs this State, for the artists it will always be a loose, loose situation, at least for those who carry no clout or knows no one in the administration. The local art galleries are primarily Chinese owned except for the Malay Artist Art gallery which is at present running as a one man activity and has never had a meeting of any kind for the past ten years or ever since i joined it as a member. The Malay Artist Art Society should have been made defunct years ago and a new society formed so that the paper trail can be established in order for it to procure funds from the various government agencies. But as it is my friend Rashid runs the society as a one man show which allows for himself the use of the space as his studio cum gallery. It is a waste of good strategic location but it is another victim of politics or personal exploitation. Most of its unofficial members are not concern with its existence except when there is a show organized.I used to enjoy the visits of foreigners to the gallery when I frequented the place and used it as one of my studios. But today it does not have the energy that it once did.
There is a building that belongs to the Barisan National or UMNO group located on Hutton Lane which was recently opened to be used as a venue for God knows what that would benefit the Malays in Penang especially those involved in the Arts. This was a year ago and till this date it is sitting there suffering lack of use. Money was spent to renovate the Heritage building and many meetings were held as to what or wherefore it should be used but  nothihg came off it.The Malay Artists in Penang are still running around with not place to call a meeting place much less a club house while one or two men sit on their hands keeping the building unoccupied till they find some use for it that would be of benefit to their personal cause.This is the nature of our country and its policy makers in a nut shell. It gets much worse as we get closer to the General Election as most of these so called movers and shakers of society will too busy scheming and planning moves and counter moves to make sure they do not seize to become relevant.In the meantime the fate of the Malay artists will always be as the Malay saying goes..."Hidup Segan Mati ta'Mau!" Too lazy to live, but refuse to die.
There is another group or Artists who exist pretty much in their own world within the enclosure of the University Walls. These are the elite of a different sort as they are considered the leaders in their own fields as they strive for higher and higher levels such as the Masters and Phds. They have little to do with those who do art on the outside except when every now and then invited to participate or become a contributor towards a collective effort for the benefit of the whole. These are the professors and lecturers who has no other concern except for their work and that is to teach art to upcoming students.They have minimal contact or interactions with their fellow artists outside their pay scope. It behooves them to be involved with the rest of the artist community at large and rarely invites for any share and compare which would benefit themselves as well as other contemporary artists not involved in education.All the talk about reaching out to the community as so on is never seen in action except for the activities carried out by the Museum and Gallery Tuanku Fauziah. How do on expose students towards the life of an artist living day to day on the street if there is no exposure for them in meeting or listening to the full time artists trying to survive outside of the campus walls?