Happy Birthday Bahari!!

The fasting month has flown by almost half the way already and I am happy to say that it has been not too bad this time around thanks to my daughter sacrificing her IPTN loan for me to see through the month. Paid my car two payments and my rent two payments with it and the remainder for day to day use on gas and such. Hansul J.Saidon had helped some earlier paying me for taking care of his friend Najjar's need which I would have turned down had I any other sources but i was dry as usual so it would have been my pride that would turn down his help. I did five large paintings which are hanging on the walls in the MGTF gallery but I doubt that they would be sold as not many collectors passes through this venue. NO, not complaining at all just for the record, so feel free not to feel any sympathy or guitl in the matter for any reason whatsoever, its just part of my blog stating facts both the lows and the highs.
I have had some of the most beautiful moments in my life as an artist in the last three weeks while entertaining Najjar Musawwir and spending quality time with my friend and brother Hasnul. Rumours has it that he might be leaving the museum for good but I hope that it is just rumours. Hasnul has his qualities and it is not all perfect but it is his style for better or for worse. he too is on the road seeking and searching for the right Way but sometimes the right way may not be good enough. It would be a loss if he leaves as his mission with the museum is not fully realized as it is. But if moving on is for his own good than there is not much anyone can do but pray for his success in his future endeavours. It is without doubt that Hasnul has turned the musuem into an icon as far as such institutions are concern in this country. He gave it an active life, a dynamic energy that draws from many great ideas and perspectives. Yesterday at the closing time of the museum three bus loads of school children turned up at the front door only to be turned away as the closing time had been changed during the fasting month.
The museum staff are in a limbo as to what lies ahead if and when their Director leave and many deep down in their heart know and feel the loss as they know it would be doubtful that the replacement candidate whoever that might be will have a hard time filling their boss's shoes. They have dealt with him through thick and thin and their concerted efforts with his ledership has seen many success stories. I have been with them for over five years now as an "Ad hoc" resident artist and have heard, seen and felt their grievances and elations. I have been the one they confide in when things were not going smoothly and I have played my role as a buffer between them and their boss and in doing so I have learned for myself many valuable lessons in the 'Art of Management'.
If and when Hasnul leaves for whatever reason it may be it is highly doubtful that I will hang around here much longer either. This place and its staff has been my refuge over the years and I spend more time here than most of them counting the hours of the day. I have participated in most of their activites within and outside of the museum most of which I enjoyed as they were more lessons to be learned for me. Life is an experiment Mahatma Ghandi once is said to have said and I live my life like and expriment every chance I get. It is a great experiment to be sitting outdoors and sketching portriats of numerous school children and adults ex-gratis. This is my idea of living the life of an artist, a watcher, a documenter and a preserver of events and moments in time.
I stopped asking myself 'why' anymore and I simply do as what comes before me taking one episode at a time and living my life from moment to moment and if in doing so i can benifit one soul for the day, Alhamdullilah!! If by being at the right place at the right time makes a difference in someone else's life for the better Alhamdullilah!! Sometimes i feel I have "squadered my existence for a pocket full of marbles," but most of the time I know i have been set on a track less travelled and my stations in life changes at the drop of a whistle and I have grown used to these changes. I have been warned by my teachers that once on the train you never get off it, this is Zen! To remain committed to the Way of the Buddhas is an endless practice of 'Being Awareness." of "Being Conciousness" of "Being Here and Now!" The rest are just Grist for the Mill. Forms is Emptiness and Emptiness is Form...today you are here tomorrow you are gone, like clouds in the sky and all that you hanker for and all that you drive your mind to madness for, all that you sold your soul to possess, all that are nothing but form and emptiness.
The fasting month it is said is a true test of one's ego whether it can handle thirst and hunger, whether it can curb thoughts from straying towrds lusts and desires. The fasting month will churn out of you all the inherent will to rebel and submission to anger and despair if it is truly observed from day to day. Woe unto he who has to till the land and make the bricks in the blazing hot sun and he has to fast! I am of the fortunate ones who is at present sitting in this airconditioned office and thumping away my neurotic mind to justify my insipid existence! This too is Zen! This too will pass!
Happy Birthday Bahari! Wake UP!! Stay Awake!! Be Awakened!!