This morning at about 5a.m. I was awaken by someone wanting to get into the compound in order to start cooking for the catering orders of the day, happened before. However my cousin beat me to it and i returned to bed but instead of falling back to sleep i decided to sit in meditation.
As i have always done in the past after settling downinto comfortable rythm of breathing and my mind cleared of nagging thoughts i would pratice the ar tof auto suggestion which i had been practicing for more that thrity years now. I have explained this technique saveral times in the past in saveral of my blog entries I am positive but here i go again;
I tell myself" I am Whole, Perfect, Strong, and Powerful. Loving, Compassionate, Harmonious and Happy! And i can do what i Will to do...So help me God..."
Normally i repeat this for a number of times like a reenforcement, the idea being that I am communicating to my mind what my aspiration is and that it is this Goal that i am trying to achieve everytime I sit. Than if i do drift or got sidetracked from this as i usually do, I would do some Zikhr-ul-Allah.. repeating the 99 names or manifestaitons of Allah which is not much different from my auto suggestion, like AlMighty, The Great, The Compassionate and so on but in Arabic. It helps to draw back my attention into the here and now...sometimes.
However, this morning it dawn on me that I have been going about it wrong!! It was a shock when suddenly out of the blue your mind tells you, hey you should awaken and change this technique, it is not working!! How about I am empty! Empty of my own being, I am a hollow reed through which the Divine breath passes through, I am a stained mirror through eons of accummulation of dirt having been depostied upon my surface. I am trapped within this bag of bones for as long as i am breathing and nothing more and I have fallen asleep deeepr and deeper in this existential realm called Maya or Illusion un- aware. It is time to wake up to what Is. Even if it takes another lifetime of practice I need to liberate this mind from its bondage and with it liberate all those around me!!
I got up, took a cold shower and drove myself to the Jerejak Ferry Terminal where I used to work and waited for the sunrise while it was still dark. There are things not meant to be shared but what i experienced was something long overdue, it moved me body and mind inside out and after a very long time I felt tears running down my face as i was driving...enough said.
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2 comments:
If it is 5 am I humbly suggest you try this one:
2 cycles of Tahajjud prayer.
Followed by a cycles of Taubat prayer.
Squash down with 2 cycles of 'hajat' prayer.
good for your soul......
Thanks for the suggestion Doc. But in the last few years I have drifted away from prayers although I have not lost my faith but the deeper I sink into discovering who I am the harder it becomes for me to follow any kind of dogmas or religious values of any form of institutionalized religion. I am saying you are wrong nor am I right but the heart has grown cold from too much hipocracy floating around with anything to with religions.
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