Why?

" Why is one born if only to die?,
Why does one live if only to suffer?
Why does one love if only to be seperate?
Why does one think if only to err?
Why does one act if only to make mistakes?"
The Mother

"Life is Suffering,
Suffering is due to Desires,
Understanding desires, overcome suffering'
How? Righ Understanding, The eightfold Path."
Gautama.

"It is My Karma,
It is your Son's Karma,
It is Your Karma,
So stop complaining and Live!"
My Father (Spoken on the phone from Kuala Trengganu
to Green Bay, Wisconsin sometime in 1979)

Last two Wednesdays my cousin and I have been to Tasek Gelugor about 45minutes drive from here to visit my friend Chegu Shukor, a retired school teacher turned farmer. My cousin Rahim who presently sells Char Koay Teow and Chicken Chop at Taman Saadon has decided that he wants to change his career and try his hand at farming. Chances are i might just do the same as i cannot see myself unemployed and not making it financially at being a full time artist. It is also in consistant with my rolling stone nature that I have spent over two years now living an artist life and anything i do for more than two years in mylife is too long and a waste of precious time. So this might be yet another opportunity for change and who says i cannot do art while working as a farmer? At my age it might even be a blessing to get a little physical and work close to the earth and nature. I enjoyed my time at Green Gulch Farm working on an organic farm, it helped to build my character then in the eighties while lving in San francisco.
Cikgu Shukor or Kod as close friends call him is a very unique person as Malays goes, one of a kind who traveled to Israel and lived in the Kidbutz where he learned farming. Malaysia has no diplomatic relations with Israel so upon his return Kod got into hot soup with the Malaysian Government but instead of punishing him they gave one hundred acres of land to work with. I met Kod through my late friend Cikgu Yusof Ali who used todrive me to Kod's house late at night and where we sat and shoot the breeze over black coffee and Gudang Garam cigarettes. He had tried to talk me into joining him back in 2004 but i declined because of my children and their schooling but now with my cousin Rahim being intrested in this venture I might easily be persuaded to join in the growing of Rossele and Marquisas for the making of drinks which is at present a lucrative business.
So will see how this takes its course and where it will lead me. The land is located in an oil palm estate away from any houses and so is isolated, which might be just what I need in my practice and even my art which at present is on hold due to lack of inspiration or too much thinking and distractions. For whatever reason I have not been able to come up with any worthwhile ideas or create any new pieces worth calling an art piece. Furthermore at every show i had attended it seems like just about every Tom, Dick and Harry is a Maestro. I need something out of the ordinary I need to create from my heart ike I always have and right now my heart is not into creating art. What I need is still to find the right state of being which allows for something new to emerge from my soul and manifest itself, something that is totally out of the ordinary in every sense. I know this is a tall order to ask of myself but untill this happens I do not feel like touching anymore paint or canvasses. It is good that I do not have anyone to be resposible for as far as producing art pieces is concern, any contract or collector that I have to produce for so I will take a sabathical from art.
My two children will have to ride the wave with me on this again as they have done on many other times in the past and it is with the hope that in facing such hardships their character will also be toughen in facing their future trials and tribulations. Karim, my son has found his job in Shah Alam working as a waiter for his friend and singing for his cousin's rock band!! My son the shy and introverted is now let loose so watchout world here comes another Bahari! My daughter is with her auntie and cousins where it is better for her as shee could use some young ones to keep her in line and a woman to be a role model while she is in her teens, I cannot fulfill these criterias. I can only owrk on preparing for her future college fees and so forth as she is bent and determined on education. She still works part time at "Little Penang" Street Market every end of the month which is to her credit as she has gotten good at facing people of all walks of life especially tourist.
Man plans and God disposes, such is my life and itseems a never ending gamble with stakes rising with every new round of the game , as the saying goes no risk no gain and what is life if there is no sense of excitiement and urgencies thrown into it every once in a while. I will vacate my present RM300 a month rented rooms in Sungai Pinang and move to Sungai Dua across to the mainland where i would be closer to my jobsite and further from the illusions that I have been living as an artist in Penang. Change is inevitable and changes can be both frightening as well as exillarating but when the need for change knocks on the door it is time for the 'Hijrah', the move for the sake of changes and 'Tawakal' that with the move comes the gift of success as is promised Allah is with those who are willing to change for the sake of making a better life and livlihood.