Notice the curious snakelike or dragolike flash of light over my head!!The saga continues with the trip to the immigration to get application forms for my two children who are still Americans. The next step is again gathering all the peretinant papers and getting duplicates made any errors or missing papers would meant crossing the Penang Bridge back and forth as the Immigration Department is now located across the channel and no more in Georgetown Weld Quay area where it used to be. This also meants that it would automatically cost you RM7 for the bridge everytime you return, but it has to be done like it or not befroe the date is due i need to have my kids registered in one form or another so they can have some form of legitimate indentification papers.
This process of getting my children their proper IDs has been dragging on like an everlasting nightmare so much so that i dread going to the IM.Dept. or the Registration Department. Everytime the school calls me to enquire about my children's citizenship status I get an ulcer, my mind goes into a depressive mode, my creative impulses take a dive into the unknown, unretreiveable. if I had been adrug addict I would have given myself a lethal shot! But... hey you just have to grit your teeth and bite the bullet, go for it and bust your balls even if it takes ten or twenty trips facing the same tombstone faces whose sense of mercy is just above that of a computer in their carrying out of their duties. I have been at it for going on ten years now and hell if i die toaday who the hell is going to take on for my children with their mother unavailable and their Grandmother too old to do much in America. My Malaysian family and friends as they themselves would tell you "faham, faham saja-lahh!" W
ho do i turn to that I have not already?
This process of getting my children their proper IDs has been dragging on like an everlasting nightmare so much so that i dread going to the IM.Dept. or the Registration Department. Everytime the school calls me to enquire about my children's citizenship status I get an ulcer, my mind goes into a depressive mode, my creative impulses take a dive into the unknown, unretreiveable. if I had been adrug addict I would have given myself a lethal shot! But... hey you just have to grit your teeth and bite the bullet, go for it and bust your balls even if it takes ten or twenty trips facing the same tombstone faces whose sense of mercy is just above that of a computer in their carrying out of their duties. I have been at it for going on ten years now and hell if i die toaday who the hell is going to take on for my children with their mother unavailable and their Grandmother too old to do much in America. My Malaysian family and friends as they themselves would tell you "faham, faham saja-lahh!" W
ho do i turn to that I have not already?( I have worn the Devil's own Mask)
The echos of my eldest brother's words rings loudly in my ears everytime i dwell into these predicaments I am in, "You have brought it upon yourself, dont't blame anyone for what you are going through!" Thank you Sir! Scrap one person who one might approach for help with all his so called connections in and around the state on Terengganu, what can he have done if he had wanted to? But I am the hot- headed brother who needs to be taught a lesson, Me! for crying out loud! But why do you punish my children who respect if not loved you as their uncles? For the past month of Ramadan my children faithfully fasted believing themselves to be Muslims like their father and like their father they may not be perfect Muslims but the fact that they were will to observe the fasting spirit means simply that they have accepted the fact that they are Muslims, not Christians, not Jewish or Buddhist but, Muslims and as such they deserve a little sympathy from their fellow Muslim Uncles and Aunties in their plights to the right to live in this country even as a Permanent resident. My intention of bringin them home with me at the cost of loosing their mother through a terminal illness was to introduce and convert them all three to Islam and this I had accomplish. What are your excuses for not caring about their fate or their sensitivity towards how you treat them? and YOU CALL YOURSELVES GOOD MUSLIMS, FORGET ME, i DONT ASK NOR NEED YOUR SYMPATHIES, but hey, my children has done you no wrong and they are converts who has lost their mother perhaps permanently for crying out loud, what does it says in the Holy Book about situations like this?
The echos of my eldest brother's words rings loudly in my ears everytime i dwell into these predicaments I am in, "You have brought it upon yourself, dont't blame anyone for what you are going through!" Thank you Sir! Scrap one person who one might approach for help with all his so called connections in and around the state on Terengganu, what can he have done if he had wanted to? But I am the hot- headed brother who needs to be taught a lesson, Me! for crying out loud! But why do you punish my children who respect if not loved you as their uncles? For the past month of Ramadan my children faithfully fasted believing themselves to be Muslims like their father and like their father they may not be perfect Muslims but the fact that they were will to observe the fasting spirit means simply that they have accepted the fact that they are Muslims, not Christians, not Jewish or Buddhist but, Muslims and as such they deserve a little sympathy from their fellow Muslim Uncles and Aunties in their plights to the right to live in this country even as a Permanent resident. My intention of bringin them home with me at the cost of loosing their mother through a terminal illness was to introduce and convert them all three to Islam and this I had accomplish. What are your excuses for not caring about their fate or their sensitivity towards how you treat them? and YOU CALL YOURSELVES GOOD MUSLIMS, FORGET ME, i DONT ASK NOR NEED YOUR SYMPATHIES, but hey, my children has done you no wrong and they are converts who has lost their mother perhaps permanently for crying out loud, what does it says in the Holy Book about situations like this?
The only reason I am appealing to my brothers is because it is said that I cannot severe the blood relationship between us without incurring the wrath of the AlMIghty and so damn if I do and damn if I dont! To say that I have lost my respect for my two remaining siblings would not be totally incorrect but to say that I am ungrateful for all that they had done or given me in the past is not true and let this writing be the testimony to my standing where my realtionship to my two remaining older brothers are concern. I sicerely wish I had not been readopted at the age of twelve after I was being raised by my Uncle in Penang, this was the turning point in my life that had led me to become so bitter at times that I dont even know where to hide my feelings. I left my home and my country out of sheer frusteration carrying with me all the dark family secrets of some of which I am too ashame to even mention to myself and my rivalry with my twin brother has been like a cancerous tumor in my heart ever eating away at my own sanity while I admire his life of hypocracy in wealth and religion. I am the demon who had left my faith and embraced other religions in the effort to learn and understand myself who I am, why I am the way I am. I would have made a great and heartless assasin if I had been in any given situation or ideology to stand up for as there is enough anger in me to commit heineous crimes against my fellow man! But I have chosen the cowards road towards salvation, the way of the Buddha and the Boddhisatvas. I took the Vows of the Boddhisatvas to uphold Love and Compassion towards all santient beings and lead them towards salvation and i write and record my journey for the world to witness so that I do not lie to myself and my endeavors. I do not deny my strength and my weaknesses, such that before i die I will at least let it be known to my children who their father was and where he went wrong and he did right.
Wheeww!! That took a load off my chest and it has been sitting in there causing so much pain all these years only the AlMighty has knowledge of it for every night I sit up in my bed and ask Him for His forgivenss, for His compassion and Infinite Mercy. I know deep in my heart I have been a sinner more so than most man care to admit to himself and this is my way of confessing to the Universe that i cherish and all its inhabitants whose life i had been fortunate enough to share in this short span of my life. The Moaning and groaning of the Cheeseburger Buddha has been set in motion to arrive at this final hurdle in my journey of unravelling and untanggling my psycho-emotional state on mind while questing for the perfection in being human. I may have fell short but the journey is not over yet and the Fat lady has not sang the Blues. The show must go on and ther is much yet to unravel, more layers yet to be peeled before the final cut, Insha'Allah!!
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